August first
I woke up with such amazing thirst
Over empty bottles then I cursed
The month took off, with August first

August two
My computer lost a fracking screw
Then I lost the nude pics hard drive too
Of cows and ewe, on August two

August three
I survived frontal lobotomy
Gone are schizo thoughts, from we I'm me
From two to one, on August three

August four
My life's worse now than it was before
I can't date myself no fucking more
I'm straight alone, it's August four

August fifth
Brought an eerie supernatural gift
I can look at stuff and then it'll lift
Telekinetic, August fifth

August six
Came the in-laws, they are Amish hicks
If you think yours have some wacky tics
I'd take them on, it's August six

Seventh day
They'd a homemade sourmilk giveaway
But the old goat had been put away
I'm glad to say, this seventh day

August eight
I got bloated 'cos I overate
Downed the Klingon Gagh upon my plate
But not my date, on August eight

August nine
All the day I've been a party swine
And I've wobbled in a conga line
Yet I feel fine, it's August nine

August ten
I get horny every now and then
So I head down to the ol' sheep pen
*beep, beep, beep*, August ten

Ten plus one
There's no rhyme to 'leven on this run
No I haven't found a working one
I'm copping out, there is no pun

August twelfth
Even worse to rhyme, I'm stuck in Hell-th
I would buy a pun, but no-one sell-ths
At least online, on August Twelfth

Day thirteen
I got stuck during my dump routine
Spent the whole day in on my latrine
That sure sucked ass, on day thirteen

Day fourteen
On a bender worse than Charlie Sheen
I went out and bought an ice machine
I'm on the rocks, on day fourteen

Day fifteen
I was streaming ABBA's "dancing queen"
That's my hair of dog reset routine
I got back up, on day fifteen

Day sixteen
I got mails from girls who've turned 18
But Nigeria did intervene
I'm stuck between, on day sixteen

Seventeen
Saw the break-down of my wash machine
Now my pantyhoes' no longer clean
And pants are green, day seventeen

Day eighteen
It might just as well be called umpteen
'Cos I'm running out of rhymes it seems
This song careens, on day eighteen

Day nineteen
I found wallpapers so damn obscene
That I had to get a wider screen
And down caffeine, beyond nineteen

Day twenty
All those teen rhymes they were too plenty
I was starting to come up empty
I'll tell you now, on day twenty

Twentyone
I'm in writer's block, can't make a pun
Yet I managed to get four lines done
As you see here, day twentyone

Twentytwo
Fido died chewing upon my shoe
Bit the dust, not just an interlude
Gone belly up, day twentytwo

Twentythree
There's no sting in this as all can see
Wish I was a crazy killer bee
I'm zika this, day twentythree

Twentfourth
I've mosquito highbrow metamorpht
Now I'm looking like that Klingon - Worf
Got forehead bumps, the twentyfourth

Twentyfive
Got on Late Night juggling chainsaws live
Just don't ask me for a bro high five
I've still a knife, since twentyfive

Twentysix
I know Google-Fu and other tricks
So I found new Jenny Lawrence pics
To please male dicks, go twentysix

What the fudge?
Twentyseven's one syllable much
Grinds my gears and kills my rhyming touch
*beep, beep, beep*, what the fudge!

Twentyeight
I was asked to be Trump's running mate
But I wasn't plopped out near The States
So I can't help, remake 'em great

Twentynine
I woke up looking like Frankenstein
Well, at least it's long to Valentine's
I'll sober up, within that time

Day three O
Need just three more lines to let this go
Stupid ditty, give me espresso
I'll shake it up, on day three O

Thirtyone
As I pen this the whole month's been done
Writing it has been an odd type run
A whole month gone, now thirtyone