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Song Parodies -> "Republican"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

I don't understand why Republican supporters over there aren't incensed by the ridiculously poor quality of wannabe presidential candidates: surely the party has people who can produce better than the insanely stupid drivel making its way across the Atlantic? It is frankly bizarre that any of the ones who appeared on the last televised debate are being treated as serious candidates rather than being simply laughed at.

I realize I'm going to take loads of knee-jerk flak from a vocal subset of contributors here, but rather than the usual calling me names, or slagging off Hilary, why not try arguing what makes any of the current crop presidential calibre?
You tell me that you're voting Republican
Hell, oh no
That kind of talk just gets me down
With all the guff they're feeding the public on
Hell, oh no
Could anybody vote for those clowns?

And then they talk about abortion
Don't you know that you can vote them out?

Don't you know they're gonna talk all shite
All shite, all shite

They say they've got a real solution
Well they know
There isn't a coherent plan
Noise and air and water pollution
Well, you know
I ain't sure they give a damn

But if you are voting for people with minds that hate
An' they get elected oh brother, then it's too late

Don't you know they're gonna be far right
Far right, Far right,

They say they'll change the constitution
Hell, just.. NO
But not the second amendment
Some even hazy on evolution
Hell, just.. NO
You'd better ask 'em what they meant

It may sound like a contradictory paradox:
If you look behind them, you'll see there: Kochs

Don't you know know it's gonna be far right
Far right
Far right

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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.0
How Funny: 2.0
Overall Rating: 1.9

Total Votes: 44

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   33
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   9

User Comments

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Agrimorfee - August 21, 2015 - Report this comment
Best couplet ever: "paradox/Kochs". I agree with your stance, Phil, but I wish there was more "oomph" in this parody, the kind that you are requesting from your intro comments. I can hardly wait to see the responses to this one.
John Jenkins - August 21, 2015 - Report this comment
Hey Phil, I am trying to jerk a reaction from somewhere other than my knee. There are 3 Republican candidates who have never held political office before, and I think that 2 of them – Ben Carson and Carly Fiorina - are very well qualified to be president. If the 3rd one, who because of name recognition or some other bizarre reasons, is currently leading in the polls - gets the Republican nomination, then I will once again vote for the Libertarian candidate.

I have a few issues with the parody:
The first line does not seem to pace well.
The line about “hate” does not apply to any of the candidates except maybe to the current leader in the polls. And I don’t think he hates – he just loves himself so much that there is no room for him to appreciate anyone else – and that might appear to be hate.
I would agree with Agrimorfee about the “paradox/Kochs” couplet except that “contradictory paradox” is redundant and Kochs rhymes with oaks, not paradox.

But, as always, I appreciate your British take on American politics.
Republican - August 21, 2015 - Report this comment
Too bad the POTUS is the strongest leader in the world and not some impotent British PM! Last PM with balls was Thatcher who took back the Falklands! Before that was Churchill, but of course the United States was already the Arsenal of Democracy and Superpower with the Bomb, ruling the seas, sky, and land. Now the UK is just a puppet with a dead weight monarchy that is a joke. Britain lost its colonies, Whitepapered its industries to death, degraded its own military, and lost the respect of the royalists. UK carries no real weight in geopolitical goals anymore. Phil should stick to praising GMOs, he knows nothing of the American system that started with Federalism and now is fractured into two ideological parties that are diametrically opposed. Trump dominates because he is the voice of the silent majority fed up with DC status quo politicians that are running our nation into the ground, a POTUS that bypasses the checks and balances and is ripping up our Constitution, and the special interests who influence insider politics with money. Trump is his own self made billionaire with a record of success who is an outsider with God forbid, a true sense of what makes America great. He has his own money, he has determination, and doesn't back down from a fight. The numbers don't lie. He even beats Jeb Bush in his own state of Florida and is within six points of Hillary fifteen months ahead of the election!!! The man is the driving force behind making both sides talk about tough issues. And he has a bold vision for America, not politics as usual . The UK doesn't even have a real voice in the Eurozone financial mess nor the refugee crisis plaguing Italy and Greece. ISIL is sending jihadists by ship posing as refugees to infiltrate Europe. All UK does is accommodate them!
Timmy1000 - August 21, 2015 - Report this comment
But the debate was funny - if you watched the bad lip sync version of it. MMA (Mixed martial Arts?) for the security code.
Jim - August 21, 2015 - Report this comment
Fix your own friggin' political system before knocking the Great United States of America, you KooK!
Leough - August 21, 2015 - Report this comment
When I first came to this site, the President was a Republican, and it seemed like the majority of the parodists and commenters were liberals. Now the President is a Democrat, and it seems like the majority of the parodists and commenters are conservatives. Therefore, I predict the next President will be a Republican.
Henry - August 21, 2015 - Report this comment
It's OK Leough, we beat the Lobsterbacks back in the Revolutionary War!
Whack Sabbath - August 22, 2015 - Report this comment
this parody is sh*te!
Jack Sabbath - August 22, 2015 - Report this comment
Dat's da Fack, Whack!!
Old Glory - August 22, 2015 - Report this comment
Stay on your side of the pond Pommie!
Phil Alexander - August 22, 2015 - Report this comment
@Agrimorfee- thanks, and I know what you mean about needing more punch. Needed a bit more space than I had with this as an OS. One or two ideas that might be written

@JJ - I'm glad you dropped by, it's kind of reassuring to hear a sensible Republican voice on occasion, if only to realize there are still some of you around. Haven't really seen much of Ben Carson, will have a read; Carly Fiorina's the "cut costs by sacking thousands of workers, while taking home an obscenely high pay packet" sort of CEO, isn't she? Corporate hardship's a thing for the little guys.. I kind of disagree about the "hate" line: there's plenty of hate coming through in the rhetoric, for immigrants, Democrats and especially your president. "Contradictory paradox" is intentional tautology :)

@Republican - the POTUS is the most powerful leader in the world, which is what makes the current bunch of dimwits running for the Republican nomination so scary: you've got a set of frontrunners there who'd be pretty much guaranteed to make the US a laughing stock on the world stage. Is that really what you want? Trump is a thin-skinned boorish bully with a hugely overinflated sense of his own self-worth: it only took two questions he didn't like to have him behaving like a child in the playground. Do you really want a president that easily riled?

Oh, and I've been taking an interest in US politics (along with many other political systems around the world) for more than three decades now. Yes, our one's pretty awful, but I've given up trying to change it: the overwhelming majority of the electorate are too apathetic, too ignorant or just too stupid to know what's good for them. You see, we do have something in common.

@Timmy - in some ways, yes it was funny but it's not like these were people with a sense of humour trying to cause laughter.. these are people who want the job as the most powerful person on the planet. That makes it really rather scary

@Jim, Whack, Jack & OG - so you have nothing positive to say about any of your candidates? Please wise up, grow up and actually think about who you're voting for.

@Leough - I really hope you're wrong, if thie next president is going to be chosen from those who took part in the last debate.
Republican as well - August 23, 2015 - Report this comment
The sun set on your Empire a long time ago. The RN is a joke and you are no Superpower. America, Russia, and China are the dominant powers in arms and trade. The UK is a pitiful Euro disaster plagued by Muslims, the Royal Family, and ineptitude at every level. I'd say that makes you the laughing stock Tommy boy. Cameron f-cked you up too and Blair was a loser. Go toss off to old newsreels of your former glories and colonies.
Phil Alexander - August 23, 2015 - Report this comment
I do find that comment rather depressingly representative of the thought-free commentary from far too many Republicans on here: no attempt to address the subject at hand, just arrogant, boastful insults. If by some unfortunate chance you become part of the majority over there and elect someone who thinks the same way, it won't take very long before US cultural & military supremacy comes to an end, as well.
Eastender - August 23, 2015 - Report this comment
Why don't you shut your pie hole, you liberal labor loser?
Phil Alexander - August 24, 2015 - Report this comment
Ah, yet more erudite political commentary. Some people really don't know when to stop making themselves look stupid: had you considered running for the Republican nomination?
Counter - August 24, 2015 - Report this comment
Yeah, your 1.9 overall rating proves you right. Ha, ha, ha, it actually proves you left!!! Calling all Republicans stupid, btw, is aligned with Trump! Congrats Phil, YOU are qualified to run as a Republican, politically!!! Defeats the entire purpose of your parody. I suggest you think it through next time.
Phil Alexander - August 25, 2015 - Report this comment
Well, at least I'm coherent.. All the 1.9 rating for this song proves is a number (
Phil Alexander - August 25, 2015 - Report this comment
less than 26) of Republicans feel so threatened by the message of this parody that they vote 1s without the courage of their convictions to stand behind one of hte candidates. I'm intrigued by your comment that calling all Republicans stupid (which is not something I've done) would align me with Trump: is that something he has said that I've missed?
American Voter - August 25, 2015 - Report this comment
How is border protection, illegal immigration, the Fourteenth Amendment, trade wars with China, dealing with ISIS, rebuilding the United States Armed Forces, and women's equal pay for equal work, in YOUR own words "stupid drivel?" And how can you lump all seventeen Republican candidates for office into one party to attack without also condemning the opposite party of three proven incompetent candidates from the left? Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and upcoming Joe Biden are not saints. Hillary is buried in yet another Clinton scandal, Bernie draws crowds and yet has no substantial message, and Biden is a foul-mouthed, blundering moron. You're an outsider anyway Phil. A mere spectator with a British worldview. You people can't even solve the problems of your own little island. You were just fortunate that Scotland is still in the U.K. and that Cameron held on! Btw, it's way too early to pick any candidate on either side after one debate on the right side and no debates yet on the left side. Hillary even tries to dodge reporters and her once "nothing can stand in my way, I'm a queen" lead had been spoiled by Sanders popularity and Trump's phenomenal rise. So how can an outsider judge American politics? You don't even live here!!!
Observer - August 25, 2015 - Report this comment
Stan the Man - August 25, 2015 - Report this comment
You mean "threatened" like your last bomb on GMOs? Blew up in your face. Say, why don't you go to CNN with your lamentations and be interviewed by that hag Rosemary Church? Did you notice that someone finally ordered her to put on makeup, get a new hair style, and wardrobe? Use a bit of common, Phillip, nothing you say threatens anyone!!!! LMFAO at you!
Phil Alexander - August 26, 2015 - Report this comment
@Amrerican Voter: those subjects are not stupid drivel by any stretch fo the imagination.. yet *all* the front runners in the Republican race at the moment have said something on at least one of those topics which is. I hadn't got on to the subject of competence: I assume your moving those goalposts is a tacit admission that the Democrats in the race haven't been saying such stupid things, but you feel you have to attack them on something. Yes, I'm an outsider, and an outsider with no tribal loyalties to either party, so I reckon my view is a more objective one.

@Stan - thing is, I'm accustomed to the out-and-out lies that the anti-GM crowd use to justify their scaremongering.. I don't get how you think it "blew up in my face" - there was literally no answer based on any kind of evidence at all, and people with no substance resort to insults.. see the above thread for more examples. The reason I use "threatened" as a verb is because that is very much how the reaction strikes me: confident people who don't feel that threat wouldn't need to resort to insults and 1-votes.

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