I) .. Here come ol Flapjack
He come .. waddling in slowly
He want .. Belgian waffle
He one .. roly poly
He got .. butter melting on the plate
Got to reach for syrup he just make it taste great
Ton together .. sat down .. next to me

He scarf no health food
He got .. grape jam donut
He lick .. sticky fingers
He shoot .. Coca Cola
He say "I know you, you owe me"
One thing I can tell you is the second plate's free
Ton together .. sat down.. next to me

He bag for Sonia
He save ..cream filled donut
He stow .. pork link side dish
He put .. cheese on cracker
He got .. folds down below his knees
Hold him on a truck scale you can feel his unease
Ton together .. sat down .. next to me

He gross obeser
He got .. doctor's warning
He got .. crushing feeling
He need de ... fribillator
They push one and one and one, then breathe
Got to be a goner cause there's no pulse to see
Ton together .. sat down .. next to me

II) .. Something in the way she chews
Attracts me like no other chubber
Something in the ways she coos
I don't want to leave her now
You know I can feed her now

Somehow as she dines she knows
That she don't need no other feeder
Something in her eyes that shows
I don't want to leave her now
You know I can feed her now

You're asking me will her butt grow
I don't know, I don't know
She sticks it out, now it may show
I don't know, I don't know

Something in the way she grows
And all I have to do is cook for her
Something about my weighty Sonia
I don't want to leave her now
You know I can feed her now ...

III) .. Rose was ravenous, capacity was cavernous
Dieting in the home
Late night all alone with the ice cream, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Michael Moore again, pretending to be poor again
Calls her on the phone
Can you take me out to the IHOP, Ro-o-o-ose
But as she's getting ready to go, a noise comes from behind
BANG! BANG! Mikey's silver platter came down on her head
BANG! BANG! Mikey's silver platter made sure he was fed

Back at buffet again, Mikey grabs a tray again
Manager gets annoyed
Wishing to avoid a bankrupting sce-e-e-ene
She tells Mike to stay, not to grab another tray
So he parks behind
Muttering fifty times, "Gonna get that ho-o-o-o'"
And when she turns her back on the toad
He creeps up from behind
BANG! BANG! Mikey's silver platter came down on her head
BANG! BANG! Mikey's silver platter made sure he was fed

Vegas 31, says we got a surly one
Mikey's cuffed alone
Making loud intestinal noises, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Rose and Mary Kay, feeding at the Mandalay
Say he must be fed (Mikey must be fed)
The Sarge does not agree and he tells them so-oh-oh-oh
But as he's busy filing reports, a noise comes from behind
BANG! BANG! Mikey's silver platter came down on his head
BANG! BANG! MIkey's silver platter made sure he was fed

SILVER! PLATTER! .....

IV) .. Oh Hardee's, please believe me
I'll never sue you for harm
Believe me when I tell you
I'll never sue you for harm

Oh Hardee's, if you feed me
I'll buy the stent on my own
Believe me when I tell you
Don't ever leave me alone

When you told me, you wouldn't feed me anymore
Well you know, I nearly broke down and cried
When you told me, I couldn't buy a Super Thick Monsterburger* anymore
Well you know, I nearly fell down .. and di-i-i-ied
*(1406 calories)

Oh Hardee's, if you feed me
I'll replace the knee on my own
Believe me when I tell you
I'll never sue you for harm

When you told me, I can't get breakfast anymore
Well you know, I nearly broke down and cried
When you told me, I couldn't have sausage biscuits in gravy anymore
Well you know, I nearly fell down and di-i-i-ied

Oh Hardee's, please believe me
I told my lawyers to stand down
Believe me when I tell you
I'll never SUE YOU FOR HARM!

V) .. I'd like to feed, with fat Rosie
At your local Olive Garden in the shade
They'd squeeze us in, note double chins
At your local Olive Garden in the shade
I'd ask my friends to come and feed
At an Olive Garden with me
I'd like to feed, in ways frenzied
At your local Olive Garden in the shade

Breadsticks are warm, served by the swarm
With that five-cheese dipping sauce, the one we crave
Make it our goal, max "Pasta Bowl"*
At the local Olive Garden, we're depraved
We would drink and act like juves
Because we know, we can't be moved
I'd like to spree, on gluttony
At the local Olive Garden like a knave
*(All you can eat Pasta Bowl)

We would shout, and ask about
The zitti with the cheese sauce that is baked
Oh what joy, for gaining girls and boys
Knowing there's gelato after cake
We would feed so rav'nous, Rose and me
No one there to tell what not to chew
I'd like to be, in food orgy
At a local Olive Garden near you
At a local Olive Garden near you

VI) .. I want ewe ... I want ewe you so bad
I want ewe ... I want ewe so bad
Declining the lamb, declining the lamb

I want stew .. I want stew so bad, babe
I want stew .. I want stew so bad
It's driving me mad, it's driving me mad

I want gnu .. I want gnu so bad
I want gnu .. I want gnu so bad
They're thinking me mad, they're thinking me mad

I won't chew ... I won't chew no fat
I won't chew ... I'll bolt it so fast
It's giving me gas, it's giving me gas

Feel so .... HEAVY! heavy, heavy, heavy

Feel so ... HEAVY! heavy, heavy, heavy

I want brew ... I want brew so bad
I want brew ... I want brew so bad
Imbibing in Pabst, imbibing in Pabst

I want you ... You know I want you so fat, BABE
I want you ... You know I want you so fat
I'm going moonbats, I'm going moonbats

She's so .... (Cue climactic 3-minute sound effect of intestinal rumbling)

(Let's take a moment's pause before we head into side II, which consists of the songs I) "Here Comes the Tums, II) Because and, of course, III) "The See Food Medley")

I) .. Here comes the Tums ... Here comes the Tums
And I say .. It's all right

Little Barney, it's been a long, laborious feeding
Little Barney, it seems like years since you sat down
Here comes the Tums .. Here comes the Tums
And I say .. It's all right

Little Barney, the pain's receding from your faces
Little Barney, it seems like years since you've breathed clear
Here comes the Tums .. here comes the Tums
And I say .. It's all right

Tume, Tums, Tums, Tums, here it come
Tums, Tums, Tums, Tums, here it comes
Tums, Tums, Tums, Tums, here it comes
Tums, Tums, Tums, Tums, here it comes

Little Barney, I hear your wind is loudly breaking
Little Barney, it seems cafe will soon be cleared
Here comes the Tums .. here comes the Tums
And I say .. It's all right

II) .. Because the brats are browned .. it turns me on
Because ... the brats .. are browned
Because the women made pie, it turns me on
Because .. the women .. made pie (Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah ...)
Food is all .. food is new
Food is all .. food is you
Because there's ice cream, too .. it makes me sigh
Because .. there's ice .. cream, too
(Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ......)

III) .. You never give me your honey
You only give me those yummy wafers
And in the middle of the mastication, I break down
I never give up my Cinnabons
I never lighten my situation
And in the middle of an ambulation, I break down
Out of nachos, money spent
See no pizza, no more sent
All the joints are closed, no one to phone
Early morning, munch attack
Monday morning, hunger pangs wrack
Domino's is closed, no one to phone
But, oh, that famished feeling, no one to phone
Oh, that famished feeling, no one to phone
No one to phone!!
(A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ugh; A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ugh)

One sweet ring! Move out the door, get in the LTD
Soon, you're gaining weight my dear
Scarf up a piece, and wipe that smear away
One sweet dream .. got chewed today
Got chewed today ... Gets chewed, today
(Yes it was, ha ha haa ha ha ha haa ....)
1,2,3,4,5,6,7 .. all good kids pig out in heaven
1,2,3,4,5,6,7 .. all good kids pig out in heaven
1,2,3,4,5,6,7 .. all good kids pig out in heaven

Here comes the Tums King .. Here comes the Tums King
Every one's relaxing, Everybody's happy
Here comes the Tums King
Quantos para nachos mi 'smores por attaque corazon
Muchos pepperonis mi amores chica nuggets parasol
Ingesto avocado Neapolitano que can eat it caramel

Creamed yellow custard drips from his mouth
Falls on his shirt, trying to stuff his face
Eats in a ravenous way, slavering for a Vegas buffet
Keeps the other patrons at bay
Such a lean old man (lol lol lol, lol lol lol)
Such a lean old man (lol lol lol,lol lol lol)
His sister Jan works a donut shop, she never stops
She's a dough gobbler
Give her one that's filled up with cream
Only type that she's ever seen
Her Muffin top just has to be seen
Such a weighty old Jan .. weighty old Jan

Well you should see Polysaccharide Jan
Her face so bloated that she looks like a man
Well you should see her in drag; looks like a polysacc hag
Well you should see Polysacc Jan (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Get a dose of her in jackboots and kilt
She's killer filler when she's gorged to the hilt
Well, she's the kind of a girl to wolf a caramel swirl
So you could say she's unattractively built (yeah, yeah, yeah)

(Lol, lol, lol, lol, lol, lol, lol, lol: Oh, Pig Out!)
She came in through the drive up window
Protected by tortilla shell
But now she stuffs her face in wonder
At her seat in a Taco Bell
Din't anybody help her; din't anybody see
Sonia's on the phone to Wendy's
Trudy's phoning KFC

She said she's always been a gainer
She worked on fifteen subs a day
But though I did my best to restrain her
Well I knew what I could not weigh
And so she quit the Jen Craig system
And turned herself to sweaty blob
And though I did my best to help her
She would chew what she could not gnaw
Din't anybody help her; din't anybody see
Sonia's on the phone to Wendy
Trudy's phoning KFC
OH, YEAH!!

Once there was a weight ... to fit those blue jeans
Once there was a weight .. to spare that hose
Eat pretty darling, don't you cry
And I will supersize those fries

Golden Arches fill your eyes!
Smores await you with your pie
Eat, pretty darling, don't be shy
And I will supersize those fries

BOY! You're gonna BUY HER A SHAKE!
BUY HER A SHAKE! With those fries
BOY! You're gonna BUY HER A SHAKE!
BUY HER A SHAKE! With those fries

I never give you willpower ... I just provide the instigation
And in the middle of a creamed libation
You break down

BOY! You're gonna BUY HER A SHAKE!
BUY HER A SHAKE! With those fries
BOY! You're gonna BUY HER A SHAKE!
BUY HER A SHAKE! With those fries ...

OH YEAH! ALL RIGHT!
ARE you gonna wolf that ice cream, tonight
(Cue climactic Ringo Starr drumstick solo)
Love food, love food, love food, love food
Love food, love food, love food, love food

And in the end ..
The grub you take
Is equal to the butt

You will make