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Song Parodies -> "Mean Mr Custer"
Original Song Title:
"Mean Mr Mustard --> The End"
Original Performer:
The Beatles
Parody Song Title:
"Mean Mr Custer"
Parody Written by:
Callmelennie
The Lyrics
Came across this jewel of a title, which was penned by Alvin Rhodes (an all time great AIR parodist) as I was trolling the Archives looking for inspiration. Alvin only took the concept through to "Polyphene Pam". I realized I could go all the way to "The End" with it. So here I go ....... My harsh indictment of Custer is based on two things. 1) By attacking on the 25th of June, he jumped the gun on a much larger, three-regiment operation scheduled to unfold on the 26th. 2) He ignored the opinion of the Crow scouts that he would be facing a vastly larger group of warriors than the official estimate of 800, and launched an operation that would have been risky, even if the official estimate had been valid
Mean Mr Custer rides to his fate
He wouldn't wait
Wants to claim headlines
He's no respecter of foes
Thinking he'll apply the KO
Doesn't heed reports of the Crows
Such a mean old man .... Such a mean old man
His Indian scouts look from hill top
"You need to stop"
Avoid a massacre
Take em back; hook up with Benteen
Biggest camp that we've ever seen
Answers them with something obscene
Such a venal old man ... Such a venal old man
Well you should see Sitting Bull's camp
It's so enormous that it looks like death trap
Well you should be subdued
Cause there are thousands of Sioux
Well you should see Sitting Bull's camp ... Yeah, yeah, yeah
Got repeaters that are Remington built
They're killer diller cause they're armed to the hilt
Well, they're the kind of a force
That wipes you out in due course
Cause they're familiar with the draws and the hills (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo
Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, OH LOOK OUT!
They flanked me through the Big Horn River!!
Accosted by a horde of Sioux
And now I look at them in horror
As my plans have been knocked askew
Didn't anybody tell me; Didn't anybody see
Sitting's on the drums to Crazy
Crazy rides his horse at me
They said it could become disaster
They came from sixteen different ways
And though I dodged another lancer
Well I knew this was my last day
And so I fled the Medicine Coulee*
And made my stand upon that hill
And though I tried my best to stave them
They would scalp whom they would not kill
Didn't anybody tell me; Didn't anybody see
Sitting's on the drums to Crazy
Crazy leads a horde towards me (Oh, No!)
(In the aftermath of the battle)
Once there was a way ... to pull back homeward
Once there was a way ... to get them home
Sleep, little Armstrong, do not cry
Your vain-ness cost your men their lives
Once there was a way ... Avoid this horror
Once there was a way ... to get back home
Sleep, little Armstrong, do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby
Total carnage greets your eyes
Cries accost you as you die
Sleep, glory monger, do not cry
Now you must answer for their lives
George! .. You're gonna carry the blame!
Carry the blame! For lost lives
George! .. May you be cast in The Flame!
Cast in The Flame! For lost lives
You never heeded your Crow scouts
You didn't grasp the full situation
And in the middle of annihilation you break down
GEORGE! They're gonna revile your name
Revile your name! A long time
George! Wouldst thou be covered in shame!
Covered in shame! A long time
(Meanwhile back in the Sioux Indian encampment)
OH YEAH! ... ALL RIGHT!
ARE we gonna do the Ghost Dance .. tonight!
(Cue tom tom solo by Sitting Bull)
Love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux
Love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux. love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux ...
And in the end ... The hate you spread
Was equal to the blood
That was shed
He wouldn't wait
Wants to claim headlines
He's no respecter of foes
Thinking he'll apply the KO
Doesn't heed reports of the Crows
Such a mean old man .... Such a mean old man
His Indian scouts look from hill top
"You need to stop"
Avoid a massacre
Take em back; hook up with Benteen
Biggest camp that we've ever seen
Answers them with something obscene
Such a venal old man ... Such a venal old man
Well you should see Sitting Bull's camp
It's so enormous that it looks like death trap
Well you should be subdued
Cause there are thousands of Sioux
Well you should see Sitting Bull's camp ... Yeah, yeah, yeah
Got repeaters that are Remington built
They're killer diller cause they're armed to the hilt
Well, they're the kind of a force
That wipes you out in due course
Cause they're familiar with the draws and the hills (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo
Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, OH LOOK OUT!
They flanked me through the Big Horn River!!
Accosted by a horde of Sioux
And now I look at them in horror
As my plans have been knocked askew
Didn't anybody tell me; Didn't anybody see
Sitting's on the drums to Crazy
Crazy rides his horse at me
They said it could become disaster
They came from sixteen different ways
And though I dodged another lancer
Well I knew this was my last day
And so I fled the Medicine Coulee*
And made my stand upon that hill
And though I tried my best to stave them
They would scalp whom they would not kill
Didn't anybody tell me; Didn't anybody see
Sitting's on the drums to Crazy
Crazy leads a horde towards me (Oh, No!)
(In the aftermath of the battle)
Once there was a way ... to pull back homeward
Once there was a way ... to get them home
Sleep, little Armstrong, do not cry
Your vain-ness cost your men their lives
Once there was a way ... Avoid this horror
Once there was a way ... to get back home
Sleep, little Armstrong, do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby
Total carnage greets your eyes
Cries accost you as you die
Sleep, glory monger, do not cry
Now you must answer for their lives
George! .. You're gonna carry the blame!
Carry the blame! For lost lives
George! .. May you be cast in The Flame!
Cast in The Flame! For lost lives
You never heeded your Crow scouts
You didn't grasp the full situation
And in the middle of annihilation you break down
GEORGE! They're gonna revile your name
Revile your name! A long time
George! Wouldst thou be covered in shame!
Covered in shame! A long time
(Meanwhile back in the Sioux Indian encampment)
OH YEAH! ... ALL RIGHT!
ARE we gonna do the Ghost Dance .. tonight!
(Cue tom tom solo by Sitting Bull)
Love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux
Love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux. love Sioux, love Sioux, love Sioux ...
And in the end ... The hate you spread
Was equal to the blood
That was shed
*A dry river valley that opens out onto the Little Big Horn River. Custer made first contact with the Sioux here, then was hit by a much larger contingent coming from his left. As this was an untenable defensive position, he retreated to Custer's Hill to make a stand
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And one more thing -- Ol Cap Benteen's a pretty good egg but he won't be much use today ... Ol Cap Benteen's a pretty good egg, but he's on a hill miles away ... I wanna tell him that I need him a lot but I can't get a rider through the line ... Ol Cap Benteen's a pretty good egg; today I'm to my fate resigned Oh, Yeah ... Today I'm to my fate resigned ..
Very good stuff; but, as you imply later in the parody, General Custer was more vain than mean, so I would have preferred that adjective in the first verse.
I very seriously considered that, John, but I decided to hew more closely to the original title, because "Mean Mr Mustard" is pretty funny to the ear. It made me laugh as a kid when I first heard it
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