I would prefer that you had made separate submissions with appropriate performer credits. The fudge sundae line is a bit lame. Pacing good except for lines 6 & 7 and cabal & Beijing (extra syllable each).

I put the two together so that I might submit it to another website which may post the two together. One thing Lee Crowe and Robert Arendt missed is that McCartney repeats the last two refrains. I'm guessing they were working of a song lyrics web site. I was about to make the same mistake, but then it struck me "That's just too short, doesn't McCartney repeat something somewhere?"

I thought the one from the other day looked too short. Been caught in a few of those lyric sites snafus ourselves. Now we always play the OS and compare before submitting.

Liked the "now I want to see the lunch buffet" line.

CML, in my case I am not operating off the OS lyrics at all, but someone else's parody :)

I like this record. I believe it plays at 55.5 RPM. (45.5 on one turntable :)

All these Chick-fil-A parodies are making me hungry for some Chick-fil-A!

Right Wing Crappola.

Is he related to Francis Ford Crappola?

What BJM said about separate subs -- you can submit them together to the other site -- and about pacing, with a couple more noted:

Line 3, one short.
“This is a game we're forced to play” - also one short.

Also what Barry said about Sundae: not lame, but it places an awkward stress on “-dae” vs. TOS:
HIDE a-WAY
FUDGE sunDAE -- awkward.

Same with:
ALL my TROUbles SEEMED so FAR aWAY
BOYcottING’s .... Awkward to stress “-ing”, but TOS’s trochaic tetrameter in this line would require it.

Relax -- you don’t need to learn those fancy terms. Just read Tommy Turtle's Tips for Perfect Parody Pacing, only two pages long, and you’ll nail both pacing and stresses in no time.

http://home.earthlink.net/~tommythedancingturtle/id3.html

Also, as Merry said, listen to TOS yourself, rather than pace to someone else who didn’t listen himself, but rather paced to someone else, and who in the past has stated openly that he doesn’t care about pacing... although TBPH, having parodied this OS 14 times on my own and twice with a co-author, I can pretty much do it (and critique it) in my head.

It’s been noted before that TT rarely spends this much time critiquing unless he believes the author has the capability to do much better. I believe you do. For starters, choose better role models. You said some very kind words at my MM parody of this same posting day, and also at the “American Pie” parody/tribute of Feb. 3rd (anniversary of the tragedy),
      http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/donmclean181.shtml
So not only is my entire catalog yours to browse, but so are those of Merry/Pippin, Leo Keough, Andy Primus, and many others who are known for strict pacing. (No offense to those whose names weren’t included, which is far too many to list.) Judge for yourself; see the comments authors receive from other highly-respected authors, and study accordingly.

On a positive note, it is very rare here for any one author to do parodies showing both sides of an issue. Almost all are strictly partisan. Props for that, so overall vote = 354.

p.s.: Great zinger to Norma Stitz (rather crude pun there, Norma), who didn’t even bother to read that you were balancing POVs. NS is presumably the 1-bomber. Good comeback (another mark of potential), and ignore the vote, as we all do with Unabombers.

Porfle: great riposte :)

I must say, TT whenever you show up at Amiright, you take the place by STORM! And thank you for your insinuation that I have talent. I sort of knew it all along, but hearing it from the likes of you is encouraging. I don't know exactly who you are, but I know you're not just anybody! And yes I'm aware that the parody is a little sloppy; but now that I know that you're lurking about, I'll start minding my P's and Q's :-D

I stopped in at the local Chick-fil-A the day after the big lines. Even so, the place was still crowded and they ran out of salads and potatoes. When the manager announced that, no one left. I noticed the box of chicken nuggets said "No Cholesterol or Trans Fat". In my book, that makes them "health food". Fun idea doing a parody of the flip side. Maybe someone will do one of "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha! Ha!".

I’m from the UK and had never heard of Chick-fil-A until these recent parodies. Who have you been upsetting to get one-bombed twice? I see that Norma Stitz differentiates between the right wing and the left wing but makes no mention of the other parts of the chicken.

Callmelennie: I'm exactly who it says in the bio at my home page. ;-D ... and you shouldn't strive to improve for *my* sake, or for anyone else's other than your own. (Pride of craftsmanship? Self-esteem?)
    I'd pace and structure parodies correctly even if no one read them, which was often the case for many years before the Internet. That way, it becomes an ingrained habit, an autopilot. If you only do them well when you're afraid you might get called on them, then it's easy to make sloppiness a habit.
    OTOH, if you were to write every parody as though The Ghost Of TT were watching, well, whatever works for you! :)

My bio:
http://www.amiright.com/parody/authors/tommyturtle.shtml
Coincidentally, you'll also find there 437 parodies. If you wanted to browse the parodies of "Yesterday" without repeated searching, you could just click on "Original Title", which will re-sort the parodies in alphabetical order of the OSs. (Hint: "Yesterday" will be toward the end, wink -- unless you click "Original Title" again, which reverses the alphabetical order and brings the Ys near the top.) Same for any other author whose style you'd like to observe, of course.


Andy Primus: It's a bitter, recent controversy in the US. The main part of the chicken omitted by NS is that which applies to all flamers and unabombers: chicken-s**t. (Please tell me that translates EOP!)

Sorry, I misattributed the zinger to Norma to Callmelennie. My bad. Nice one, PP. :-D

Thanks TT and Peregrin!

TT - your largess on using us as good examples has me mentally cataloging all our pacing and stresses-related (stress-related?) flaws, of which I know we have many. We do strive for meter-perfection, but in many instances we have allowed some to slip in order to force in the word we want - sigh. ('Flat Out of Prell' comes to mind for a couple of doozies).

Redneck thinking

Merry, as Fiddlegirl will tell you, TT can always find a way to slip in anything he wants to, without forcing it. ;-D

Uh, we're talking about pacing, right? ;) OUCH! -- Stop twisting my arm already! OK, OK, I'll link you to the mass tribute (200 AIRheads, you & P included, of course) that proves that point. (it says so in the outro):

http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/bonnietyler44.shtml