I called in sick, it's true
To say I have an illness or two
I sold it with a cough
Then stayed in my warm bed long after
The alarm went off

Don't bother with your hair
And stay in your underwear
Drink by yourself
Cause nobody else is there

A beer to break my fast
I'm chewin' on cold pizza from Monday last
Stretch out my easy chair
To watch the pretty pictures
That they're sending through the air

Wear socks that do not match
And scratch where you want to scratch
Drink by yourself
It's all goin' down the hatch

And though I'm getting smashed
I just remembered checks I haven't cashed
My driving's still okay
It's their own fault, the people
Who can't stay out of my way

Weave where you want to weave
And heave where you want to heave
Drink by yourself
There's nothing you can't achieve

Don't bother with your hair
And stay in your underwear
Drink by yourself
Cause nobody's gonna care
Drink by yourself
Cause nobody else is there