You never give me your honey
You only give me those yummy wafers
And in the middle of a mastication -- I break down
I never give up my nuggets
I never lighten my situation
And in the middle of an ambulation -- I break down

Out of nachos, money spent
See no pizza, no more sent
All the joints are closed, no one to phone
Early morning, munchie attack
Monday morning, hunger pains wrack
Domino's is closed, no one to phone
But oh, that famished feeling .. no one to phone
Oh, that famished feeling! ... no one to phone (no one to phone)
A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-gh ... A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-gh

One sweet ring! ... Go out the door, get in the LTD
Soon you'll gain some weight my dear
Scarf up a piece and wipe that smear away
One sweet dream ... got chewed .. today
Got chewed ... today ..... It's chewed ... today
Yes it did ha ha haa ...
1,2,3,4,5,6,7 .. All good children pig out in heaven
1,2,3,4,5,6,7 .. All good children pig out in heaven
1,2,3,4,5,6,7 .. All good children pig out in heaven

Here come the Tums King .. here comes the Tums King
Everyone's relaxing ... Everybody's happy
Here comes the Tums King .....
Quantos para nachos mi 'Smores por attaque corazon
Muchos pepperonis mi amore chica nuggets parasol
Ingesto avocado Neapolitano que can eat it caramel

Creamed yellow custard drips from his mouth
Falls on his shirt, trying to stuff his face
Eats in a ravenous way
Saving for a Vegas buffet
Keeps the other patrons at bay
Such a lean old man (lol, lol, lol; lol, lol, lol)
Such a lean old man (lol, lol, lol; lol, lol, lol)
His sister Jan works a donut shop, she never stops
She's a dough gobbler
Give her one that's filled up with cream
Only kind that she's ever seen
Her muffin top just has to be seen
Such a weighty old Jan, such a weighty old Jan

Well you should see Polysaccharide Pam
She's so bloated that she looks like a man
Well you should see her in drag; looks like a polysacc hag
Yes you should see Polysacc Pam
Get a dose of her in jackboots and kilt
She's killer filler when she's gorged to the hilt
Well, she's the kind of a girl to wolf a caramel swirl
So you could say she's not attractively built (Yeah, yeah, yeah)

lol, lol, lol, lol, lol, lol, lol, lol -- Oh look out!
She came in thru the drive up window
Protected by a taco shell
But now she stuffs her face in wonder
At her place in a Taco Bell
Didn't anybody tell her; didn't anybody see
Sonia on the phone to Wendy's
Trudy's phoning KFC

She said she'd always been a gainer
She worked on fifteen subs a day
And though I did my best to restrain her
Well I knew what I dare not weigh
And so she quit the Jenny Craig system
And turned herself into a shapeless blob
And though I tried my best to help her
She would chew what she could not gnaw
Didn't anybody tell her; didn't anybody see
Sonia's on the phone to Wendy's
Trudy's phoning KFC
OH YEAH!

Once there was a weight to fit those blue jeans
Once there was a weight to spare that hose
Eat, pretty darling, do not cry
And I will supersize those fries
Golden Arches fill your eyes
'Smores await you with your pie
Eat pretty darling do not cry
And I will supersize those fries

BOY! you're gonna BUY HER A SHAKE!
BUY HER A SHAKE! with those fries
BOY! You're gonna BUY HER A SHAKE!
BUY HER A SHAKE! with those fries

I never give you willpower
I only give you my instigation
And in the middle of a creamed libation .. you break down

BOY! You're gonna BUY HER A SHAKE!
BUY HER A SHAKE with those fries
BOY! You're gonna BUY HER A SHAKE!
BUY HER A SHAKE! with those fries

OH YEAH! ALL RIGHT!
Are you gonna wolf that ice cream -- Tonight!
(Cue climatic Ringo Starr drumstick solo)
Love food, love food, love food, love food
Love food, love food, love food, love food

And in the end
The grub you take
Is equal to the butt

You will make