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Song Parodies -> "Knickers too Wide (or Payne Stewart's Nightmare)"

Original Song Title:

"Ticket To Ride"

Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:

"Knickers too Wide (or Payne Stewart's Nightmare)"

Parody Written by:

Stan Hall

The Lyrics

This is probably also a risk for all those Sansabelt™-wearing duffers out on the links.
“I think I’m gonna be clad in knickers today, yeah!”
“My shirt,” I said, ”will be plaid, and should go OK.”

But I wore knickers too wi-ide …
they slipped with ev-er-y sti-i-ide
and left me nothing to hide,
my seat was bared.

I’d gone commando, you see -- my thing dangled down, yeah!
The people hollered at me, “You look like a clown!”

’Cause I wore knickers too wi-ide …
they slipped with ev-er-y sti-i-ide
and left me nothing to hide
from people there.

I don’t know why they didn’t stay high—
I thought they fit right,
they even seemed tight to me.
My score was getting wa-ay too high
my buttocks in sight
made me uptight at tee.

My kids had warned me, “Hey, Dad, you need a belt, wait!” “Yeah,”
I turned and said to my lads, “but I’m runnin’ late.”

So I wore knickers too wi-ide …
they slipped with ev-er-y sti-i-ide
and left me nothing to hide
and people stared.

My caddy said “Hi … by the way, guy,
those knickers look shy
of the right height to me.
Before you’ve even played the front nine,
you’re gonna find’em
down aligned with your knee.

I said “Man, quit jiving’ me … you’re bringing me down, yeah.”
He said “Just don’t blame me when they hit the ground.”

“Just hold your frickin’ advi-ice,”
I said, and not very ni-i-ice.
and with that roll of the dice
I wound up bared.

My backside was bared.
The people all stared.
I woke in despair.
That dream was a scare.
[repeat fading]
© Stan Hall 11/29/2009

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Timmy1000 - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
I've actually seen golfers wearing these things (in the U.S.) and I'm not sure why. I guess golf wear has that "look at me" kind of flair to it. Nicely written.
Leo Keough - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
LOL Funny!!!...555!!!
Stan Hall - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, guys.
T1K -- knickers were the late Payne Stewart's hallmark. I'm with Mark Twain re golf (" ... a good walk, spoiled") but a tendency to iconoclasm and knee-jerk nonconformity made me an admirer of Stewart's goofy golf garb. (OTOH, it's simply what bicylists call retrogrouchery that undelies my firm belief that MLB should mandate a return to knickers-stye uiniforms for all players.) :-)
AFW - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Funny golf scenario..making for a funny parody...
Andy Primus - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Hilarious - I thought it was par for the course to wear weird duds when playing golf
Phil Nelson - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Reminds me of a parody I'm gonna write sometime. Not gonna say the title so no one else writes it. It'll be on here soon. This was funny
DJ Blaze - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
You need 555 belts, and thanks for commenting one of my parodies a while back.
Stan Hall - November 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, everyone.

Phil -- give us a hint what to look for ... knickers? golf? same song? all? some? none?
carol brown - December 01, 2009 - Report this comment
Laughing my (ahem)off! 555

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