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Song Parodies -> "Jesus Set In Stone With a Hard-On"

Original Song Title:

"Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds"

Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:

"Jesus Set In Stone With a Hard-On"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

Inspired by this picture:
click here
As reported here in TheRegister
Christ has been seen in some very odd places
He's in toasted cheese, in clouds in the skies
Maybe on concrete in somebody's garage
(In his Che Guevara disguise)

Silhouette Jesus has also been seen
Yesterday, somebody said:
Look for the image of him set in gneiss...
And his cock?

Jesus set in stone with a hard-on?
Jesus set in stone with a hard-on?
Jesus set in stone with a hard-on?
Huh??

God only knows why they think that it's Jesus
Looks more like a Nazgul from Lord of the Rings
Emperor Palpatine, maybe Lord Vold'mort
Except that incredible... thing

If pornographic, it's really hard-core
What else is there left to say?
Don't ask who sits on the right hand of God
Or you're damned!

Jesus with a granite erec-she-yon
Jesus with a granite erec-she-yon
Jesus with a granite erec-she-yon
Huh??

Picture a wraith with a granite rock-hard-on
But honestly.. Jesus? What's wrong with your eyes?
Still, I don't think that he'll stick it on eBay
His lump of pornographic gneiss

Jesus set in stone with a hard-on?
Jesus set in stone with a hard-on?
Jesus set in stone with a hard-on?
Naaah..

Jesus set in stone with a hard-on?
Jesus set in stone with a hard-on?
Jesus set in stone with a hard-on?
Naaah..

Jesus set in stone with a hard-on?
Jesus set in stone with a hard-on?
Jesus set in stone with a hard-on?

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

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alvin - July 08, 2008 - Report this comment
oh my....weird photo...and even weirder parody....gneiss job
Peter Andersson - July 08, 2008 - Report this comment
Caught between a rock and a hard-on... the logic behind that "find" must be...
UnKnownVotrix - July 08, 2008 - Report this comment
Most folks accept that ~Joshua~ was Son of God, but only ~Miriam of Magdala~ knew that He was a man . . .
Meriadoc - July 08, 2008 - Report this comment
Hilarious Phil! :-D It's an irreverent job, but someone's got to do it...
Peregrin - July 08, 2008 - Report this comment
Funny stuff Phil. Re your links: I am intrigued that someone in Virginia would pay $1,525.69 for a garage stain of someone who looks more like Cat Stevens (or Bob Latchford, who played for Everton in the 70s) than it does of Jesus !!! :)
Why is it? - July 09, 2008 - Report this comment
It is OK to bash Christians as much as you want and no one says anything but just use the word fag or queer and everyone is all over you. Thjis parody sucks big time and I find it totally tasteless and an insult to my sensitivity. In fact it is not even worth a one vote.
Phil Alexander - July 09, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, guys & hobbits :-)
UnKnownVotrix - "most folks"???
Pippin - Cat Stevens? I could have sworn it was Che Guevara... but $1500 seems a bit steep for a garage oil stain. I'm always surprised how these random patterns look like someone biblical who's never been seen to be recognized
Why is it - why is it that Christians have such a martyrdom complex? They're in a huge position of power, yet someone writes a parody and it's "ooh, it isn't fair" - you're wrong about the word "fag", too - I wrote a whole song with that as a title and nobody complained. The utter silliness in this parody stems purely from a Christian thinking that the image in the stone above is a picture of Jesus... now *that* is stupid. If you find it an insult to your sensitivity, I suggest you grow a harder skin: there's a lot worse in the world out there.
Why is it? - July 09, 2008 - Report this comment
YOU are the one suggesting that this is Jesus - not me. That is what is offensive. Even though you try to skirt the issue by acting passive about it we all know that you really do this for the controversy that you can generate from it. I will drop it here and not allow you to get your jollies by pushing my buttons. God bless brother. Just remember that someone with a personal relationship with Jesus Christ knows that his brother is not his enemy. I will pray for you and you can't do a thing about it. And whether you know it or not God loves you very much. It would be tragic for you to be lost and I to never be able to see you in eternity.
Agrimorfee - July 09, 2008 - Report this comment
In Phil's defense...he didn't suggest that it *was* Jesus, if you would care to look at the linked article--and the song lyrics attest that *he* doesn't even think it does, presuming that Phil is writing in his own "voice".
See, the big problem many religious folks have is that the mere mention of their savior--be it Jesus, Yahweh, Buddha, Mohommed, Bob, whomever--out of the context of their bible or scripture constitutes blasphemy.
And you are not my enemy, either, brother.
J. R. Bob Dobbs - July 09, 2008 - Report this comment
Hey! Don't be lumping me in with the rest of those supposed saviors. I offer salvation or TRIPLE your money back!

The SubGenius Must Have Slack
Tim Hall - July 09, 2008 - Report this comment
George Carlin would have been very proud of this effort, Phil.
Phil Alexander - July 10, 2008 - Report this comment
As Agrimorfee points out (thanks, Ag), my position is that it's very much a joke that somebody thinks that the image in that stone is Jesus: if you find it offensive, take it up with the guy who came up with the "Jesus stone" comment (have a look at the Register article if you don't know what I'm talking about). And you've got me wrong: I don't do it for the controversy it generates, I do it because of the innate ridiculousness of the situation. And you have to admit, it *is* ridiculous...

J. R. Bob Dobbs - hallelujah! ...and, say, what does the "JR" stand for?

Tim.. thanks, high praise indeed :-)
Peregrin - July 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Phil, yeah! Cat Stevens! I have an LP: "The World of Cat Stevens". Great album, except for the last three songs! Anyway, on the cover, there is a drawing of him that looks JUST like the garage stain thing. I was telling Merry about this but when I looked it up on the net, it would seem it falls into the same category that "Beatles For Sale" did in Australia - for whatever reason the release has a different album cover. All the net examples I could find had a picture of him entertaining some kids in Camden (presumably, as it was spray painted on a wall behind him).
SisterwWhy is it - July 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Brother or Sister Agrimorfee - You may be right but you are in error of one fact. I am not your brother.
Br. Agrimorfee - July 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Sorry for the gender confusion. i bid you peace.

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