Spam™...I need some breakfast
Spam™...such a tasty breakfast
Spam™...it's now at Burger King™
SPAM™ !!!

When I was hungry, way more hungry than today
I always tasted my poor mama's cooking every day
But bless her soul she's gone and I must feed my self
Now I dine when I'm inclined with Spam™ up on the shelf

Spam™ straight from the can, I gulp it down
Though it does accelerate my growing round
And I have to fight off both my hounds
Add some cheese, please, Spam™me

So now my day will start with diff'rent dining ways
As this SPAM PLATTER™ will soon vanish as I graze
But every now and then I somehow swallow wrong
And then I need with urgent speed the Heimlich before long

Help dislodge this Spam™ it won't go down
And I should regurgitate so watch your gowns
Swear I'll mop the barf up off the ground
Won't you please, please squeeze me?

(Heimlich performed, hunk of Spam™ flies across the room, knocking a waitress out)

Now when I'm hungry, my damn frumpy wife will say
"You're never eating any bloody Spam™ in any way!"
My fried Spam™ days are gone my wife has so assured
She may find, like when we grind, that may be premature

MILF her if you want, I'm leaving town
'Cause there ain't no way I'll let her boss me 'round
Next time I will chew it 'till it's ground
So just please, please, Spam™ me, Spam™ me, Spam™ me, (cheeeew!)

[GULP!!]