[ACT THREE]
[SCENE NINE]

{Setting: Back at Mother Nature's Ass}

(Justin and Sadie arrive together in her Jeep)
(A large crowd has gathered around a camouflage limousine)

SADIE
"What the hell?"

JUSTIN
"I have no idea"

(Sadie parks at her trailer and she and Justin run over to the crowd pushing their way up front)
(They spot Diane Simmons in front of the crowd speaking for the camera)

DIANE
"I'm Diane Simmons for Channel One News, standing inside Mother Nature's Ass waiting for Britney. AND OH MY GOD! Here she comes!"

(In the gazebo Britney Spears is singing drunkenly "Hit Me Baby, One More Time")

SADIE
"I'm going to do exactly that if she keeps singing"

JUSTIN (face buried in hands)
"Oh no, anybody but her"

SADIE
"What's the matter baby?"

JUSTIN
"Well, back in the 90's me and her well"

(Britney drops the mic and runs over to Justin)
(Britney kisses Justin on the cheek)

BRITNEY
"Hey! Didn't expect to see you ever again"

JUSTIN
"The feeling is mutual"

BRITNEY
"So how are things, haven't seen you since Well, since the 90's. Still in the Backstreet Boys?"

JUSTIN
"I moved on Britney, I got a real job"

BRITNEY
"That's a shame. I got married.. twice, and now I have a baby, who I don't know what it's name is Joyce, Sutton, who the heck knows. And now I'm stuck in this hell hole, Mother Nature's Ass with Kevin my lazyass husband. My life is a living hell!"

"Whine, Britney, Whine"
By Kristof Robertson

(JUSTIN)
Whine, Britney, whine
Mrs Federline
You're older, spottier, fatter

Of pointless plastic pop you were undoubtedly the perky teeny queen
You hooked up with some Californian yokel; now a hillbilly has-been

Whine, Britney, whine
Mrs Federline
You're older, spottier, fatter
So whine, Britney, whine

Cristina Aguilera, though a total tart, outclasses you by miles
And frenching with Madonna; that was sadly the last time you made us smile

(MAYOR AL) (spoken)
"Britney to Welcome you to Mother Nature's Ass there's something I want you to have."

(BRITNEY) (spoken)
"It's beautiful, but wait a minute, isn't this"

(MAYOR AL) (spoken)
"Yeah, yes it is. The first complete season of "Dukes of Hazard" on DVD"

(BRITNEY) (spoken)
"But I thought they didn't have a Best Buy in Mother Nature's End"

(MAYOR AL) (spoken)
"It's "ASS" and I went out and bought it for ya"

(BRITNEY) (spoken)
"Awh, you shouldn't have"

(JUSTIN)
Slide, Britney, slide
Buy a double-wide
A pick-up and a red setter
You're fried, Britney, fried

From Toxic to Neurotic, Your Prerogative's to jumpstart your career
Coz Kevin's had less work than Stevie Guttenberg; so who's buyin' the beer?

Whine, Britney, whine
Baby, One More Time
I doubt you'll ever do better
So whine, Britney, whine

You're drivin'; baby Sean is steerin'you said "We wuz only goin' slow!"
It's time that you hooked up with Jacko: make a kiddie safety video

Whine, Britney, whine
If I might opine
You no longer really matter
It's time, Britney, time

Whine, Britney, whine
Mrs Federline
You're older, spottier, fatter
It's time, Britney, time(retire.)


(Bubba runs over to Britney and Justin)

BUBBA
"Yeh know Britney Spears?!"

JUSTIN
"Unfortunately"

BUBBA
"We should all get together and go fishing. I can show Britney how to hook a worm, if you catch my drift

(Bubba punches Justin on the arm)

(JUSTIN)
"Bubba take me back where I came from
Bubba take me back
Bubba take me back, back to New York
I must now go back
Bubba can you take me back where I came from
Bubba take me back
I must go back to where I came from
Take the next flight back"