Can't buy me stuff, stuff
Can't buy me stuff

I taught my monkey how to fetch
I even taught him how to sit
But when I handed him a 20
He only wiped his ass with it

I don't care too much for monkeys
A monkey can't buy me stuff

I taught him some sign language
He signed, "give me a 5,"
"And I'll buy you a frisbee"
He came back with a banana pie

I don't care too much for monkeys
A monkey can't buy me stuff

Can't buy me stuff
So I brought him back to the pet market
Can't buy me stuff
Sir, this one's defective

I tried to teach him economics
Got him an account at the bank
He made a deposit
If you catch my drift--hint, it stank

I don't care too much for monkeys
A monkey can't buy me stuff

Can't buy me stuff
Curious George told me so
Can't buy me stuff
Buy-curious? No.

This morning when he was eating Coco Puffs
I passed him a little note
"If you don't buy me a jacket,"
"I'm gonna make me a monkey-fur coat."

I don't care too much for monkeys
A monkey can't buy me stuff

Can't buy me stuff
That's what I said
Can't buy me stuff
Shoulda got a dog instead

He just sits around all day long
Playing Donkey Kong 3
I know it's wrong but I'm considering
Spanking my monkey