At Jenny Craig humongous Kirstie's showing photographs
Of the gut it's taken many years to grow
And that she likes to binge we all know
She won't say hell no

On the corner is a baker selling chocolate bars
Some say that Kirstie eats a dozen at a whack
And the baker swears it's just a snack
Then at night she dreams...Krispy Kremes

Jenny Craig will slim her rear, the need is dire
There, beneath her big Suburban tires
Are flat and driveway's cracked

At Jenny Craig the girls are shaped just like an hourglass
But if you looked at them "before" they were obscene
That they can make my pretty Kirstie lean
Has yet to be seen

Jenny Craig,,,weight dis-appears from flabby thighs
They're serving chalk and gristle pies
With hummis for a snack

Behind the storeroom is an exit where my Kirstie sneaks
A little kid is selling cookies from a tray
It seems he's also got some bags of Lays
He got rich today

(Months go by, she loses 20 pounds,,,then gains 30 back)

At Jenny Craig she misbehaves and others cuss at her
They seethe with rancor 'cause they're paying her to slim
And when she's fired...she can't get trim
Joins the other team...Krispy Kremes

(Kirstie, as Krispy Kreme's new pitchman, sings)

Krispy Kreme may pad your rear and fill your thighs
Still, there's nothing like a dozen iced
So eat and then go back
Krispy Kreme, my love is dear, my need is dire
Just replace those bald Suburban tires
Krispy Kreme