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Song Parodies -> "The Waist"

Original Song Title:

"The Weight"

Original Performer:

The Band

Parody Song Title:

"The Waist"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics


Ah, holiday dinner with the in-laws...
I stroll in with Granny's guests, a-seeking out snacks and bread
I must feed my face. Swear I am way unfed
Gay sister's canning jelly with the gal that minds her bed
She chugs gin and cooks dry Spam, nose is all beet red

Take your robe off, Granny
Take the clothes you'll need
Make the stove hot, Granny
A-a-and you put the bloat put the bloat right on me

I hitch up my sag, I go looking for some cakes and pies
Then I spot old Harmon, all disheveled, mocking guys with ties
I say, "Hey, Harmon, c'mon, let's go chow down"
He says, "I gotta know if the hen is thick and brown"

Make the cloves chopped, Granny
Shake and soak some seeds
Make some bone stock, Granny
A-a-and you put the bloat right...(you) put the bloat right on me

Don't frown, niece Rosa, ain't mutton stew ya ate
It's just cold puke from Duke's tasting all the fudge and dates
Well, Duke, my pet, struts around like family
He sheds, chewing a neighbor's thumb, knows the way to greet family grumpily

Make the rolls soft, Granny
Lace some yolks with weed
Make our souls loft, Granny
A-a-and you put the bloat put the bloat right on me

Lazy Lester swallows meat, and he coughs, his windpipe clogged
(He) says, "I will mix some Jack if you'll take back my grog"
I say, "Wait a minute, Lester, you know, I've a Beam in hand"
(He) says, "That's a strange choice. Won't you need some help to stand?"

Yeah, oh, take the loaves out, Granny
Glaze the scones with mead
Make us so stout, Granny
A-a-and you put the bloat right...(you) put the bloat right on me

Fetch the Butterball, down the tasty chow and wine
Our waists are getting full, and we should relieve our hinds
We give thanks to this Granny for the feast and homey fun
We sing three cheers with fervent hearts and heavy buns

Praise the most proud Granny
Crave some slothful zzz's...sleep
Shape is gross now, Granny
A-a-and you put the bloat put the bloat right on me

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   2
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

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Timmy1000 - November 20, 2014 - Report this comment
Sounds like you're getting psyched for turkey day. Very descriptive. Great verse with Lazy Lester. This one could have the same title as the original - The Weight.
Callmelennie - November 20, 2014 - Report this comment
This is an Amiright classic. One of the best works I've seen in a long time
John Barry - November 20, 2014 - Report this comment
What Lennie said.
Patrick - November 20, 2014 - Report this comment
A masterpiece in the tradition of "A Hard Roll's Gonna Fall" from several Thanksgivings ago. I can visualize this family gathering in my head. Not necessarily a pretty picture, but sounds like you're all having fun. And, of course, any dinner goes better with Jim Beam, right? By the way, are the rolls being baked in Colorado?
Andy Primus - November 20, 2014 - Report this comment
I thought the same as Timmy1000 about “The Weight”. LOL @ Duke's puke. When I got to verse 4 I thought of the blues singer Lazy Lester but he’s a skinny little dude. The family in this one would more likely resemble Jimmy Rushing, one of my favourite blues singers from the swing era. His nickname was “Mr. Five by Five” because he looked about 5 feet tall and 5 feet wide. There’s a great 1:20 Youtube video if you want to see him in action in 1942 (type in “Jimmy Rushing Sent For You Yesterday”).
Peregrin - November 21, 2014 - Report this comment
Leough, as I started reading this I was detecting a sort of Dylan-esque approach to the lyrics. They had a sort of randomness to the rhyming but were telling the story well. As I came across "Take your robe off, Granny" and recall uttering "Oh, no, please don't go there!". Mercifully, you didn't! Agreed with previous commenters, this is a work one can sink their teeth into :)

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