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Song Parodies -> "Gee Callum McCarthy"

Original Song Title:

"Gee Officer Krupke"

Original Performer:

Stephen Sondheim

Parody Song Title:

"Gee Callum McCarthy"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Another song about finance..Callum is Chairman of the FSA (like the SEC) "soft commissions" are called "soft dollars".. in the US.
A fund manager sends his clients commissions .to the broker
The broker gives it back to the fund manager in various goods and services...
it's an ancient pratice goes way back to the earliest days of the market and fixed commissions..a form of non price competition .. very misleading to the client!
regulators are planning to restrict it.....
bundled brokerage is brokerage combined with all sorts of other services
*order flow trading orders from clients
*the fund manager keeps the fees low by paying for stuff with soft dollars
Dear Callum McCarthy
You've got us runnin scared,
Don't make us do cold turkey
We didn't think you cared
We're hooked on soft commissions
It's always been that way
Golly Moses how else we gonna pay???,
Gee Callum McCarthy
we're very upset;
you know we can't afford to pay hard cash for complinet *
Oooh don't call it kickbacks,
We're misunderstood,
Deep down inside us there is good!

There is good! There is good, there is good,
There's untapped good,
Like inside, the worst of us is good.

Oh Callum McCarthy
I know it's no excuse
They make the kind of offer,
That's so hard to refuse
Like Man U *season tickets,
And boxes down at Lords*
All good stuff that we could not afford


Oh Callum McCarthy don't give up too soon
They'll find another way to book that free hotel room!
For hedge fund advisers no Callum no cry
Somehow they'll manage to get by!

They'll get by they'll get by
They'll get by by by
Clever hedge fund advisers will get by


My broker pays for Bloomberg*
My broker pays my rent
My Wagner and my Schonberg
He's truly heaven sent
All that corporate entertainment
At strip clubs way out west*
Golly Moses he sure is the best

Our clients don't know it
we're usin their dough
Please don't make us tell them
we don't want them to know


Gee Callum McCarthy don't fall for their tricks
All this talk of unbundling*makes them sick,

They are sick
They are sick, they are sick,
They are sick sick sick sick
Unbundling their brokerage makes them sick

Oh Callum they're addicted
You've given them a fright
If you were so afflicted
You'd understand their plight
But don't you let that stop you
You've got them in your sights
Mamma mia you know you have the right

Oh Callum McCarthy, just stick to your guns
I know they're getting cross at you for spoiling their fun
You know they will manage to do it somehow
I think that it's time you took a bow

Take a bow take a bow
You must take a bow
I think it's time you took a bow


In the days of fixed commissions
They had to find a way
Of makin competition
By offering to pay
They oiled the wheels of commerce
We gave them order flow*
goodness gracious
how could we say no?

Gee, Callum McCarthy,
We're down on our knees,
'Cause no one wants a manager who charges high fees*
Gee, Callum McCarthy
What are we to do?
Gee, Callum MCarthy
boo hooo!!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 3.9
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Paul Robinson - June 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Very clever piece, Martha...5's...perhaps the other reader's can't place the OS - it's from the "West Side Story" musical - (movie version starred Natalie Wood, Richard Beymer, Rita Moreno - excellent as "Anita" - although it's hard to imagine why they used someone else's voice for her singing parts, George Chakiris, Russ Tamblyn and other fine performers. I always liked it, even though the gang warfare depicted (zip-guns, knives, chains, baseball bats) seems rather quaint compared to today's automatic weapon barrages - at least here in the States. ~ ~ ~
Phil Alexander - June 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Wonderful, Martha - this is one of those songs I've wanted to do for a while (well, years, really), but haven't had the right subject yet.
martha - June 14, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks for the comments..Paul I loved the movie when it first came out ..had a teenage crush on George Chakiris! ..I am amazed that you haven't done it already Phil you have done so many!!
Agrimorfee - June 14, 2005 - Report this comment
This is my fave tune from West Side Story. Maybe I'm insane, but the pacing was all over the place for me in different spots. It really got in the way of my enjoyment of your tune. 354
martha - June 14, 2005 - Report this comment
in a few places .. but it works for me .. i shall be doing at my next gig...the lyrics are more important to me than the precise pacing!
Paul Robinson - June 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, Martha, Chakiris is not exactly my type, but I must admit he looked MAHH-VELL-LUS...I recall he was dressed rather sharply throughout...geez, that was a long time ago...Russ Tamblyn's DAUGHTER (Amber) is now in the movies!
martha - June 15, 2005 - Report this comment
oddly I had just finished writing a rough version of the lyric and went to the subway and there was a guy there selling second hand books ..just a few paperbacks on a wallpapering paste table .. he had one non book item on his stall... an audio tape version of West Side Story..which I bought for £1.. featuring a very good cast! so was able to work on pacing .. even though it wasn't quite up for agri's exacting standards...... highly serendipitous...
John Jenkins - November 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent and entertaining spoof of fund managers.

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