First, I don't think anyone in government as far as I know is ever saying anything against provisions for rape, incest or life of mother. Second, there's no way any kind of national ban would ever pass, it would just continue to be up to states. Scare tactics for elections are never true in the end

Y'know, ED, our neighbor Canada's so rabidly pro-abortion like you genocidal psychopaths that it's even got SELF-abortion: it's called Medical Assistance In Dying, or MAID for short. That probably explains why every time America rejects you far-left fascists and your Satanic agenda, you treasonous totalitarian terrorist thugs publicly vow to move there (a promise you NEVER keep, sadly). Of course, as Monty Python could tell you, self-abortion is a terrible crime: the penalty's death!

At least one bright spot in the election are the states that voted for Reproductive Rights and protection for abortion. During the campaign Rump distanced himself from Project 2025 but his ilk now admit they do want to do all that stuff in it, so stay tuned. Look at the MAGAt showing ignorance about political science and referring to far left fascism when fascism is far right by definition. Stay in your lanes, everyone. And medical assistance in dying is compassionate, just as abortion is in many instances. Is that really so hard to compute?

When your daughter or granddaughter suffers a miscarriage and dies from sepsis, try not to cry too hard. At least the gas on the way to her funeral will be affordable.

Behold the KommieLiar Whoreass rimmer spewing more of the same lies it and its fellow far-left fascists were spewing BEFORE the election. Of course, the same baby-butchering genocidal psychopaths who screamed and screamed about Project 2025 (a series of RECOMMENDATIONS the Heritage Foundation laid out for President Trump, just as it has laid them out for every Republican Presidential candidate in previous elections without all this hysteria from these far-left fascists) and a supposed national ban on baby butchery (which would be about as likely to make it through the DemoKKKrat-infested Congress and be signed into law in 2025 as a national ban on the DemoKKKrats' beloved chattel slavery would have been back in 1861) casually omitted any mention that the Supreme Court's proper overturning of the evil and egregiously un-Constitutional Roe vs. Wade decision hadn't actually "banned" abortion anywhere, but had rather busted the issue back down to the states for their legislatures to decide; THAT's staying in your lane, leftards.

Of course, just as the vast majority of the treasonous vermin who fought and died to preserve and promote the cruel institution of slavery are currently burning in Hell, so too will all the goose-stepping DemoKKKrat vermin who voted to preserve and promote the cruel genocide of little unborn babies for the "crime" of being inconvenient to far-left FEMINAZI fascist cuntsluts. Cruelly murdering people for being inconvenient the way Canada does, whether they're babies or elders or even just poor people, is the very ESSENCE of fascism as its original practitioners in Germany and Italy implemented it; hence why the rabidly pro-genocide psychopaths of the far left are rightly designated as fascists. Of course, just like their richly deserved national thrashing in the 2024 election, baby-butchering child-abusing pedofaggotranny-pandering Satan-worshiping goose-steppers like "Abbie" (a.k.a. E.D.) here are too mindless to compute how ANYONE could refuse to buy into the fascist far left's BS narratives.

America Unburdens Itself From What Has Been

https://babylonbee.com/news/america-unburdens-itself-from-what-has-been

U.S. — Donald Trump has defeated Kamala Harris to become the next president of the United States, proving once and for all that Americans are ready to unburden themselves from what has been.

Sources say the unburdening could lead to unprecedented levels of imagining what can be.

"Kamala was a huge burden, but now it's time for us to be unburdened, more unburdened than ever before," Donald Trump said as he addressed crowds at the Palm Beach Convention Center. "She was so terrible. But now she's gone. She's a ‘has-been.' So sad. Maybe she can work at McDonald's now."

His supporters roared in approval, hanging onto every word as Trump reminded them of his plans for the first 100 days in office now that the nation has been unburdened from Kamala's glaring incompetence.

Sources within the Trump campaign say the president wasn't nervous at all leading up to the election thanks in part to his new spiritual advisors Joe Rogan and Elon Musk. Instead of panicking, Trump reportedly spent most days working on his golf game in between campaign stops and owning libs on Twitter.

At publishing time, Trump's new efficiency advisor Ron Paul encouraged the nation to imagine what could be if there were no Federal Reserve.

'Don't Despair,' Kamala Tells Celebrating Nation

https://babylonbee.com/news/dont-despair-kamala-tells-celebrating-nation

U.S. — In the wake of her devastating loss to Donald Trump in the 2024 presidential election, Biden's whore Kamala Harris urged the people dancing and celebrating in the streets to not be too depressed about the future.

While Americans of all ages, races, and socioeconomic backgrounds continued to joyously celebrate Trump's return to power, Harris pleaded with everyone not to give in to any feelings of sorrow and heartbreak.

"Please, don't — please — do not despair — I'm speaking!" Harris shouted above the celebratory crowd in a speech broadcast to tens of millions of elated Americans. "We are sad today. And sad is not happy. Sad is, in fact, the opposite of happy. And happy is what we wish we were right now. Happy is good. And the opposite of good is bad, which rhymes with sad, which is what we are here in this current time."

Members of the ecstatic crowd were unsure what the vice president had said. "What?" one partying American citizen in the crowd said. "Did that lady say something? I couldn't hear her over all of the cheering, clapping, fireworks, and celebration going on since the race was called for Trump. She looks like she's really sad, whoever she is. That's a shame, it's such a great day. I can't think of any day in the last four years that was this great. Did she hear that Trump won?"

At publishing time, Harris asked aides to tell the happy crowd to despair more quietly to avoid making her headache worse.

When you get to Diversity, Inclusion, & Equity Heaven (where the worm never dies and the flame never burns out), give our regards to your fellow genocidal psychopaths Harry Blackmun, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Lavrentiy Beria, and Roland Freisler.

Trump Beats Another Woman

https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-beats-another-woman

U.S. — President Donald Trump has officially beaten yet another woman, remaining undefeated against women.

"Another woman, totally beaten," said Trump. "They keep bringing women and I keep beating them. Not like Doug! What a terrible guy. So sad, what he did in Paris. Keep a high guard tonight, Kamala!"

At publishing time, President Trump had announced that he had beaten a third woman, Tim Walz.

I guess there's no need for a civil war now since the side that threatened that if they didn't win got their cult leader elected again? The mature Democratic Party knows how to punt the ball without storming the Capitol, ensuring a peaceful transfer. 45-47 didn't deserve a congratulation call since he wasn't decent enough to congratulate Biden but Harris is an adult and congratulated him. MAGAts think they're okay on Judgment Day but a rude awakening is in store for them. They have been deceived by the ultimate Deceiver. This was all predicted Biblically.

Here Is A Complete List Of The Rights You Just Lost Now That Trump Has Been Elected

https://babylonbee.com/news/here-is-a-complete-list-of-the-rights-you-just-lost-now-that-trump-has-been-elected

Trump is now President-Elect and we are now living in the Handmaid's Tale and all our rights are gone and it's the end of democracy. Not good!

To help you keep track, here are all the rights you have lost now that Trump has been elected:
























We'll be sure to keep this list updated as democracy continues to die even more.

Love making MAGAts squirm.

Liberals are talking about these election numbers that you probably shouldn’t read if you don’t want to be guilty of thoughtcrime

https://notthebee.com/article/people-are-talking-about-this-chart-that-you-probably-shouldnt-look-at-if-you-dont-want-to-be-guilty-of-thoughtcrime

Thanks for your comments all.

Agree with Matt that worship of 45-47 is an unwashable stain on a person's soul, that three votes for him solidifies an unforgivable sin.

To Protest Trump, Liberal Women Vow To Abstain From Casual Sex, Start Attending Church, Get Married, And Start Families

https://babylonbee.com/news/to-protest-trump-liberal-women-vow-to-abstain-from-casual-sex-start-attending-church-get-married-and-start-families

U.S. — In the wake of Tuesday's presidential election, liberal women across the country vowed this week to seek revenge on Donald Trump and his supporters by committing themselves to sexual abstinence, attending church, getting married, and starting families.

A new social trend known as the "4B" movement directed women to abstain from having sex with men to protest the election. Liberal women quickly took to the movement after learning Trump had won the election and pledged to stick it to conservatives by choosing to live the type of lifestyle conservatives encourage women to pursue.

"Yeah! Take that MAGATS!" liberal woman Sarah Ostler said. "We're gonna make you guys pay, bigtime. I hereby refuse to sleep with any men before I get married and I'm going to start going to church and maybe even praying just to really show you. Then my loving husband and I will start having children and raise them in a wholesome, God-fearing way, what do you think of that?"

Conservative men reportedly responded by enjoying a cold beer after getting home from a busy day at work, telling their wives they love them, and playing tag with their children in the back yard.

At publishing time, liberal women also threatened to not abort their babies, to homeschool their kids, to only drink raw milk, and start making sourdough bread just to really give conservative voters what for.

Witches Report Their Spells Against Trump Aren't Working: 'He Has a Shield'

https://cbn.com/news/us/witches-report-their-spells-against-trump-arent-working-he-has-shield

From dabblers to hard-core practitioners, witchcraft has been on the rise in the U.S. in recent years. It has become so trendy that there's an entire TikTok hashtag dedicated to WitchTok, and it's got billions of views. The occult has gained popularity in the political realm as well, once again on display during this election season.

In the lead-up to the presidential election, witches were trying to cast spells against Donald Trump, but this time around they were reportedly frustrated that their spells weren't working.

The Toronto Star reported on one example in which a group of roughly 100 witches had been gathering by Zoom to attack Trump in the spirit realm. "Armed with orange candles, tarot cards, and a not-so-flattering photo of the former president, they cast a spell to block his return to the White House. The final words of their synchronized ritual — 'You're fired!' — echo as Trump's image burns to the ground," the Star reported.

The group is led by a woman with 25,000 subscribers on her mailing list, and she invited all of them to join her in hexing Trump before the election.

But other news outlets reported that some witches were publicly bemoaning the failures of their spells against Trump.

An ABC News outlet in Alabama reported about witches writing on the Reddit forum that their spells won't work like before, with one of them saying she believes it's because many people are praying. "Therefore he has a shield, a flimsy one of course, but a shield nonetheless (I am trying to figure out a way to create spells that can bypass that, but it's difficult)," the witch reportedly wrote.

Another posted, "I hate to say this, but don't do magic against him. He has a form of protection surrounding him that feeds off of magic done against him. You will have better results if you focus your magic on helping his opponent or protecting yourself and others."

Also writing on the WitchesVsPatriarchy thread on Reddit, another witch agreed that something appears to be protecting Trump from their spells.

"Some other witches have mentioned that doing spells directly against Trump are not as effective as we might hope as he seems to have some kind of protection around him," she complained.

Trump publicly acknowledged God's protection of his life on multiple occasions since he was nearly assassinated at a rally in Butler, Pennsylvania in July.

Witches seem to be obsessed with trying to hex Trump since he entered politics. As CBN News reported throughout Trump's first term in the White House, witches were publicly trying to bind him and even his Supreme Court picks, casting spells against them, especially right before the 2020 election.

The trendiness of witchcraft on social media makes some young people believe it's just a harmless hobby. But people who used to be practitioners of witchcraft warn it is real, and it eventually destroys the person practicing it.

CBN News has spoken with an ex-witch named Jenny Weaver many times in recent years. She's now a Christian minister, but she reports her teenage dabbling led to darkness and terror.

"I had such a fear that gripped my life. It crippled me. The next thing that I knew, I was seeing things, hearing things, and I was being tortured by demonic spirits that had come in through the use of witchcraft. It was a very scary time. I didn't even want to close my eyes to wash my face. I was that terrified. If you think that it is innocent I am telling you it will take you down a road you do not want to go down. And I had to ask the Lord Jesus Christ to forgive me."

Weaver encourages others, "If you are practicing witchcraft, I am asking you today to give your heart to Jesus."

Moron Matt, I think you'd better have a word with your fellow KommieLiar Whoreass-worshiping witches there....

I don't think "maga"'s obvious hatred represents Republicans overall. I know a lot of Republicans and they're not hateful at all

The Nation Is Healing: 9 Miraculous Events Since Trump Won The Election

https://babylonbee.com/news/the-nation-is-healing-9-miraculous-events-since-trump-won-the-election

Our long national nightmare is over. Donald Trump has been elected president again and life in the United States — and, indeed, the world — will never be the same again. Need further proof? Consider this selection of undeniable miracles that have taken place in just the short time since Trump won the election.

1. Feminists are shaving their heads so everyone can easily identify them: No more worrying about which women are shrill harpies.

2. McDonald's announced that the McRib would now be available permanently: No more shall anyone go without press-formed ambiguous meat patties.

3. Airline stewardesses are wearing hotpants and roller skates again: Also, you can now call them "stewardesses" again without getting in trouble.

4. Disney will stop making Star Wars: The spread of darkness and evil has come to a merciful end.

5. Joe Biden rose from the dead: He came back to life to give a speech but promptly died again.

6. Liberal women spontaneously stopped procreating: An answer to decades of fervent prayers.

7. RFK, Jr.'s voice was immediately healed after he touched the hem of Trump's slacks: But upon hearing him speak clearly, everyone agreed that he sounded pretty liberal.

8. The Rio Grande parted to allow migrants to be deported on dry ground: They can return the same way they came, but their feet will stay dry this time.

9. A rainbow appeared in the sky, signaling God's promise to never let Kamala Harris run for president again: Never again will the Lord destroy the earth with incessant cackling.

None of this could have happened unless the nation was truly healing from decades of division.

This Star Trek meets Rump video is awfully clever stuff: youtu.be/Caazuqn42Fc

Will 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue now be listed in the national sex offender registry?

Both Hillary and Kamala conceded races when they lost, while Dump threw a hissy fit when he lost, but tell me again how women are too emotional.

Oh s***, Kamala demands a recount and is owing a debt. Boy do I feel retarded.