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Song Parodies -> "Goldwater"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Shirley Bassey

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

This has been buzzing around in my brain for years, but I was triggered into finishing it by Rob Arndt's effort last Friday. That's how my Muse rolls these days -- it gets triggered by this website. I may have to create a safe space against this place ........ Anyhow, most of the references here are to the infamous "Countdown" add, which seemed to infer that, if elected president, Barry Goldwater would cause four year old girls playing with flowers in a meadow to die horribly in a nuclear holocaust. Amazingly enough, there are still elderly Republicans in Arizona who consider this a cheap shot.
He's the man, the man with the right wing touch
That landslide touch
Such a warm daughter
Made you think extremism is a vice
So best think twice

Cautioned words he did pour in their ear
But that countdown reprised all their fears
For a GOP knew when they saw it
It's the ad of DEATH!
For Mistah ..... Goldwater

GOP, beware of this hard right scold
Or you'll get rolled

Cautious words he will pour in your ear
But his wrath will kill all you hold dear
Like that little girl plucking that daisy
In the ad of DEATH!
Of Mistah ..... Goldwater

Little girl, beware of this hard core kook
This kook loves nukes
He loves only nukes
Only nukes
He loves only nukes
Only nukes


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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

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 5   13

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - April 10, 2017 - Report this comment
Yeah, I remember the ad which today is still uncomfortable to watch:

Btw, 555!
Rex - April 10, 2017 - Report this comment
Wonderful retrospective.
Porfle Popnecker - April 10, 2017 - Report this comment
My Dad took me to the airport to see him in person when I was a kid. They were selling cans of ginger ale called "Gold Water" and I got to take one to school with me and have it during lunch. Too bad I didn't keep it, it might be worth something now.
CML - April 11, 2017 - Report this comment
Thanks, Rex, sometimes it pays to be an old fart :) ........ Rob, I have no recollection of seeing that ad; I only read about it years later. I remember watching the Convention and how Goldwater had to first beat Rockefeller, and later there was this demonstration for a guy named Scranton ........ Porf, I never saw Goldwater in person, but after my mother passed on, we found a picture of my dad with Barry Goldwater wearing a hospital gown. Goldwater had checked into a local hospital for some minor problem and Dad was among a group of doctors who checked him out. Geez, Goldwater was a distinguished looking man
Rob Arndt - April 11, 2017 - Report this comment
Just to be clear, I never saw the ad when it aired in 1964. I saw it later growing up on another show. It is still hard to watch after all these decades. I have the " Dr. Strangelove" and "Fail Safe" films too. The former is meant to be funny, but the latter was serious and pissed off a lot of people including the US armed forces.
Patrick - April 11, 2017 - Report this comment
I remember the ad from later TV documentaries. Saw both versions of "Fail Safe". Read the novel, too. I liked the scene in "Dr Strangelove" in which the B-52 crewmen were itemizing their survival gear, including gold coins, a fancy watch and a .45 Automatic. One of them remarked that a guy could have a good time in Las Vegas with all that stuff. For the scientific minded the GOP nominee was known as "AuH2O".
Quote - April 12, 2017 - Report this comment
"Survival Kit contents check. In them you will find: one 45 caliber automatic, two boxes of ammunition, four days concentrated emergency rations, one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills, one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible, one hundred dollars in rubles, one hundred dollars in gold, nine packs of chewing gum, one issue of prophylactics, three lipsticks, three pair of nylon stockings -- shoot, a fellah could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.... " Major Kong

In the original filming it was Dallas, not Vegas. Was changed due to sensitivities of the Kennedy assassination.
Miss Foreign Affairs - April 12, 2017 - Report this comment
CML - April 12, 2017 - Report this comment
Gentlemen, you cant fight in here! This is The War Room! ... President Merkin Muffley
Brian - April 13, 2017 - Report this comment
"Mr. President, we must not allow a mineshaft gap!"
General "Buck" Turgidson
Callmelennie - April 13, 2017 - Report this comment
Mr President, I hef a pla- .... MEIN FEUHRER! I can WALK! ... The Good Doctor, himself
Commie Rat Bastard Ambassador - April 13, 2017 - Report this comment
^^^^^I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor ...... (You would think that, you Commie horndog)
Col. "Bat" Guano - April 13, 2017 - Report this comment
^ I think you're some kind of deviated prevert.
Col Jack D. Ripper - April 14, 2017 - Report this comment
Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk, ice cream? Ice cream, Mandrake? Children's ice cream!...You know when fluoridation began?...1946. 1946, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual, and certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works. I first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love...Yes, a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I-I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence. I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women, er, women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, Mandrake...but I do deny them my essence.
Buck Turgidson - April 14, 2017 - Report this comment
^^^ (Never mind that Ripper lunatic, let's get back to the doctor's idea) You mentioned the ratio of ten women to each man; Now, uh, wouldn't that require the uh, abandonment of the so-called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?
Dr Strangeirony - April 14, 2017 - Report this comment
^^^^ "Regrettably" yes
Col "Bat" Guano - April 14, 2017 - Report this comment
^^^^^ Regrettably? What are you, some kind of a deviated Kraut prevert? Why would you regret a 10 to 1 female to male sex ratio? Is it because all the men would be so exhausted satisfying their ten women that they wouldn't have any energy left over for your preversions?
Hi There! - April 16, 2017 - Report this comment
CML - April 17, 2017 - Report this comment
Dear John. You may think that I didn't catch your obtuse reference, but I did. Did you catch mine?
John - April 17, 2017 - Report this comment
I did catch it, CML, yo. It was da bomb

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