Ruler named Lear's so pissed,
Has his panties all a-twist;
Cordelia ass won't kiss--
She lands right on his shit list, and when

Big sisters grab the throne,
Lear goes camping on his own, he's a
Madman seen as so mean--
King on the road!

Earl Gloucester's bastard son
Edmund's a conniving one;
Uncouth, forsooth, this youth;
He plays fast and loose with truth, he tells

Old fogey Edgar's bad--
Fakes a plot to kill their dad, who's a
Man who reels, and so feels:
Sting of the woes!

Now Lear shuffles back and forth between the domains,
Regan and Goneril, makin' big gains,
They're kickin' his knights out from palaces' grounds,
Throw Kent in stocks, the gate's locked, and Lear's goin' down, a king's

Failures more ills portend--
Zounds! At last he'll repent!
No throne, no Fool, no Kent--
Tragedy he can't prevent, after

Two hours upon the stage
Lear begins to show his age, he's a
Man whose spleen was foreseen--
King on the road!

Cordelia's husband's French;
He's a-lookin' for revench--
At Dover lands his troops,
He throws Cornwall for a loop, meanwhile

Edgar's out on the heath,
Fakin' madness, feelin' grief;
He says, "Poor Tom's acold,"
But Lear claims he's good as gold, off to

Dover with Lear gone nuts;
France's army's kickin' butts, it's a
War for England's old king--
Kingdom is blown!

We see bastard Edmund is still up to his tricks,
Spyin' for Cornwall, lyin' for kicks;
And Corny rips out both the eyes of the Earl,
Till Edgar and the audience are ready to hurl, the play's

Grindin' down to a halt;
Lear, get hip, it's all your fault;
France loses, England wins--
But Edmund pays for all his sins, and now

Who's left but Albany,
Kent and Edgar solemnly, they bid
Lear goodbye, no dry eye,
King Lear is prone!
King Lear is prone!
King Lear is prone!

(Fade out)