If I could talk to Republicans, just imagine it,
Hanging with a hick in Tennessee--
Imagine meeting with a Mormon, out in Salt Lake City,
Toasting with our coffee, beer or tea!

If I could talk to the Mexicans, down in Florida,
Share a plate of tacos, beans and rice--
I'd make 'em pay for every order, kick 'em 'cross the border,
With their drugs and rapists, fleas and lice!

I would converse
With Jeb as my interpreter,
And I would curse
In fluent New Yauk-ese.

If people say
Melania's here illegally,
I'd say, "Believe you me,
Squeeze these!"

If I sat down with some Senators,
Mitch and Rubio,
They could help me sweep the southern South--
I could recruit more Republicans,
Duke, he's my biggest fan,
Newt and Rudy-
Toot-in' Republicans,
I'd really shoot my mouth!

If I could con some economists,
Get 'em on my team,
Tell 'em 'bout the Trump economy--
They'd all promote protectionism,
Isolationism,
Tear up NAFTA, dump the TPP!

It's been a strain with Ukrainians,
That's Obama's mess,
Putin made a sap of Hillary--
But since he said he kinda likes me,
We could broker nicely,
Cut off NATO funding? We'd agree!

I'd let the Japs
Go nuclear and muscle up,
And the Chinese,
We'd make a deal, we would!

If Kim Jong-un
Kept shooting off his missile toys,
I'd say, "Hey listen, boys--
Play good!"

If I could build with some billionaires,
Like those Koch-suckers,
I could show 'em how to make a buck!
If I could reach more Republicans,
Teach more Republicans,
Preach my speech to each white Republican,
"I can't wait to start..."

I'll raise a ruckus with Bernie-boy,
There's a Jew with balls,
All the Socialists will vote for me!
I'll have an in with independents,
Fraudulent defendants,
KKK's a branch of GOP!

I'll go to mosques
And stick 'em in a database,
So we can track
Their every scheming plot--

I'd even try
Outwitting Louis Farrakhan--
You'll say, "Why, sure he can!
Why not???"

And if you look at my bankruptcies,
And my temperament,
White House is the place for me to be!
Now I can stump with Republicans,
Trump Myth Republicans,
Hump and bump, fist-pump with Republicans,
And they'll speak, not balk,
Not freak, and flock
To me!