I take a knee every week on TV, I'm protesting
I say it's to stop all those shootings by cops, who am I jesting?
I lift up my eyes and I look to the stands
There's a sudden departure of NFL fans
Those butts in the seats have all sounded retreat, they're divesting

I'm a fat, ugly slob with a Hollywood job, I'm suggesting
You are going to go far, I can make you a star, bedroom testing
You acted all willing, now you cry phony tears
Over what I've been doing these past thirty years
In a town full of lechers and harlots and queers, I'm "molesting"

Last November I cried as a life-long dream died, end of questing
Every foundation gift, if you catch my drift, was "investing"
I've Russians to blame, and Russians to thank
But at least I can cry all the way to the bank
The evidence is clear, and I'm living in fear of arresting