Making fun of music, one song at a time. Since the year 2000.
Check out the two amIright misheard lyrics books including one book devoted to misheard lyrics of the 1980s.
(Toggle Right Side Navigation)

Song Parodies -> "Turned Out Mary For A Sale"

Original Song Title:

"A Whiter Shade of Pale"

Original Performer:

Procol Harem

Parody Song Title:

"Turned Out Mary For A Sale"

Parody Written by:

Guy DiRito

The Lyrics

The sydromatic type of phenomenon attested to in this parody has happened before and will happen again. Through exhaustive and painstaking research with the aid of computer models this parody will attempt to describe the circumstances that will propel the next phenomenon of this nature to widespread interest and fanfare through media focusing. My model declares that there is a 78.45% chance that the next occurance will be as is predicted. ENJOY! $$$
I snacked on light Doritos,
The corn meal I adore,
I was mealing on some bread stick,
That I chowed on in the store.
Mush-room pizza it was harder,
Than the peeling on an egg.
I just had to take another drink,
From that pony keg.

Then just a wee bit later,
Traded Miller for some ale.
Fed my face, with wurst but mostly,
Ate the breadsticks that turned stale.

------ Organ Solo ------

The sticks were lightly seasoned,
'Fore my tooth my brain did see.
As I pulled it out my dental guard,
Was plain as plain can be.
Found a Sistine pretzel virgin,
In a breadstick bag of toast!
Get that online bidding open,
Just can't wait them to be closed.

So now it's one week later,
And my check is in the mail.
Then I'll lace my purse robostly,
Turned out Mary for a sale.

------ Organ Solo & Take Out To Fade ------

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.

Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   16

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

stuart mcarthur - October 23, 2007 - Report this comment
well it happened just last week Guy, in those John Paul II flames - alas how can you market that? - great match of OS to topic - 555
alvin - October 23, 2007 - Report this comment
wonderfully weird...especially liked "sistine pretzel virgin"
McKludge - October 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Echo that on the sistine pretzel virgin. How come nobody ever sees Buddha or Vishnu in their grilled cheese sandwiches? 555
Syncronos - October 23, 2007 - Report this comment
*holds up sistine pretzel virgin* Worth every penny. *CRUNCH!* 555
AFW - October 23, 2007 - Report this comment
The Lord works in mysterious ways...and giveth fives
PMS - October 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Sistine Pretzel Virgin...ROFL
Tommy Turtle - October 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Genius. Pure syllable-matching genius. In addition to the Sistine (one of the best syl-matches of all time, imho), also loved "Fed my face, with wurst but mostly" and the "purse robustly" poetic-license switch on "hers just ghostly". 555+++.
TJC - October 23, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm N'Synch with TT on this crafty ditty's merits... masterful wordplay on [religious] display here, Guy!
Guy - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks - Stu, I guess this was kind of in line with the burning JP II, but there was just a bit too much co-incidence in that one for me. No fun making for me on that one even though- I'm a recovering Catholic. (Hi, I'm Guy and I'm a recovering Catholic. Meeting members say AMEN! Guy) And thanks one and all to my esteemed associates: alvin, McKludge, Sync, AFW (I love that name, Off we go... my favorite song), PMS TT and TJC. This one was a real pleasure to pen. Gotta go now to my job workin' for the US Army. I just can't seem to shake the military since dodging the draft in 1970 by joining the USAF. I'm not taking ANY chances in case they bring back the draft. Chao and Gratzi.
Father Guido Sarducci - November 06, 2007 - Report this comment
I been a-notice that-a the Cath-o-lic a Church has a been on a the downslide in a recent a years. With a all a these a holy sightings its a getting to be not a such a big a deal anymore. I heard a that a lot of a people are a turning away, they are a turning away from a the Church because of a all these a sightings and a most a shocking is that a they are a being a turned off because the Pope, he is a always a asking them to a pray to the saints.

If a you ask a me I`m a think that the saints are a over-a-rated. The church is a make a too big a deal about the saints. If a I was a the Pope I would a change a the rules on a the saints. I would a make it a lot easier to make saint. What a the Cath-o-lic Church a needs is a more like a hall of a fame. We could a call it `The Holy of a the Holies Holy Hall of Fame`. We could a vote on the winners annually just a like they do in a the professional sports hall of a fame. I think this a would get a more people in-a-volved with a Church if they could a just vote on a who is a gonna be the next a inductee into `The Holy of a the Holies Holy Hall of Fame`.

We could a put a these a sisteen pretzel virgins and holy grilled cheese a sandwiches and a Pope on a fire pictures and a those types of a things into the Hall of Fame kind a like they keep a the memoribilia in like the baseball a hall of fame. I'm a be sure that this would a get a lot of a people a back into the church.
The Fridge Penguin (yes, Himself) - November 06, 2007 - Report this comment
*pulls Father Guido to one side*

eh, Father, if they don't want your "Holy of a the Holies Holy Hall of Fame" idea, do you mind if I pinch it - the crowds in front of the fridge aren't as big as they used to be (sigh)
Father Guido Sarducci - November 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Signore Fridge - It`s a fine with me but you best a check with a Don Boccotesta first and a see what is a his interest in this enterprise. I doan wanna have to a give you the Last Rights. `Winks` See you inna confession. Ciao.
The Fridge Penguin - November 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Don Boccotesta you say - yes I remember his fridge very well - 2-door number, hinges on the right - his freezer bothered me, Father, I mean "my son" - many plastic bags containing pinkish translucent matter...
Carmine (2-LOUD-Boccotesta - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Hey-e Ovah 'eah. Sumtimez yous gotz ta keeps sum stuff on ice 'til da heat dyes dowhen. Hey-e itz juz bizness.

*Sitting in dark small room hears sliding door open* Blest mes fadder for I hav` kilt...
Jeremiah Wright - March 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Obama's face showed up on a toner smudge produced by my laser printer as I was printing out my Easter sermon. This should make a fine addition to my retirement fund when the E-Bay voting concludes. GD, printer! I rest my case.
Father Fleger - June 02, 2008 - Report this comment
There's an Eye-TALIAN making a fun a' the Baby Jeebus!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyy!!! WHO DO HE THINK HE IS!!!!??? By the way, I'll be appearing at the Apollo Theater in New York next week.
Agrimorfee - June 02, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC) Darn it Guy...I am totally clueless with this. Everybody here seems to have gotten the joke about religion here, but I guess I am one of the great unwashed. I truly enjoyed the Sistine Pretzel line, along with the rest, as a random parody. Lord, is it I?
lilCatLicker - June 02, 2008 - Report this comment
anything about us Catholics, is funny by me, Sir Guy !! I definitely will unlace my purse, and dispence some fives for you Sir !
Max Power - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
555 dollars donation
Matthias - June 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Well... Your first line caught my eye, seeing what your name is, and what your eating... It's turning out that people are finding more and more religious figures in more and more food products these days. It's only a matter of time before the companies actually take advantage of this and start putting the face of Jesus on Oreos.
stuart mcarthur - June 10, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC) ah yes, I remember enjoying myself with this one the last time round, Guy - me and the Fridge Penguin of course that is - I'm not sure if you parodied the whole song though did you? because I remember doing a longer parody to the OS than this - there may be 2 versions though - lovely quirky job
bobpiecheese - June 10, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC4-T) Nicely paced and all, but it's kinda low on the funny. Didn't even get to the point until the last few lines.
Red Ant - June 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Great set-up for the final line. I, too, liked the "Sistine pretzel virgin" line.
Invisible Boy - June 11, 2008 - Report this comment
While reading this I saw the head of John the Baptist on top of my glass of beer. What are the chances ?
Mikey Squirrel - June 11, 2008 - Report this comment
ABC- I religiously loved it. Don't want to sound repetitive, but "Sistine pretzel virgin" -- classic. Great job, Guy!
Below Average Dave - June 11, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC) I also think I missed this one--I feel kinda silly having done so--the Pretzel Virgin was funny though:)

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

Link To This Page

The address of this page is: For help, see the examples of how to link to this page.

This is view # 1839