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Song Parodies -> "Online"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Petula Clark

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

Some say one of the great things about the internet is its anonymity....hmmmmm
Where can you go, and say you're well-hung and loaded
And they'll never know?
You can talk twaddle to to a teenage model
Cover won't be blown...

So if you're fat and spotty and you dress like Peewee Herman
She'll be none the wiser coz she's seventeen and German
How can you lose?
It's sleazy, but easy: yeah!
She might just send you some hot underwear! So go..

Online! You can tell lies when you're
Online! You're in disguise when you're
Online! Strumpets are waiting for you! fine

You never date; your social skills ain't that great
But still it's you, she!
Sure, she's been told you deal in silver and gold
But that's the way it!

You're working for the FBI while playing for the Dolphins
And your buddy Tiger says you're really good at golfin'
Honest, you swear...
In love and war, all is fair
You can forget all your scruples; you're a millionaire when you're

Online! Time to email 'er; she's
Online! Can't see your trailer; she's
Online! You'll cyber-nail 'er right now!


She's perfect, so you're thinking the big question you might ask her
But your fraulein Helga's really Bertha from Nebraska!
She's duped you, son...
She sells pre-loved Tupperware
And though she's eighty, she's still got...well, MOST of her hair: that's love

Online! Surely this can't be right!
Online! She's flying in tonight!
Online! It serves you right, you damn fool...

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   18

User Comments

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McKludge - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Only familiar with the OS because of that annoying TV commercial. Damn funny stuff. You don't see "strumpet" used nearly often enough. 555.
Rex - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm sitting here with Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, and Uma Thurman and we all love this!
Arwen - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Ah, Kristof...taking a page from my book now, and writing about real life experiences, eh? Nice...; ) LOTS of fun, really...I laughed several times...the Tiger bit was especially giggle worthy for me.

p.s.'s your lucky far I've read 2 parodies today...and BOTH have used the word "strumpet." (check out Mister Pacholek's "That's Hot!") What are the odds?
John Barry - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
As they used to say in the early days of the Web, "On the internet, no one knows you're a dog." Except Google, of course, the data-archiving Big Bro of the moment.
alvin - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment parody of this song i've seen to date
Jack Wilson - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
That was an awesome job! Loved it! Ive been wanting to parody that for about 4 years now, I think you may have given me a run for my ideas. 5s
Matthias - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
That was AMAZING!!!! Expecially with my sister getting all of her "boyfriends" online, and this is what I keep warning her about. This put it perfectly! I also loved the Peewee Herman referance.
Ann Hammond - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
he he
AFW - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Right OnLine with a premium parody, here
Kristof Robertson - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
McK: Don't know the commercial, dude. Though the references are American, the author is not. Thanks for the vote

Rex: Could you tell Uma to get her sweet little hiney over here. Me and the Playboy Bunnies are waiting...;-)

Arwen: Babe! You are SO wrong, sweetie...and I've got the Ferrari to I don't. :-(...;-) Thanks sweetiepie.

JAB: Google? Mongrels....cheers dude

Alvin: You're too kind, friend

Jack: Have a go,'s a fun song to parody! Thanx

Matty: Yeah, I know your sister. :-o. Only kidding, mate. Gracias for the votes and comment

Ann: Back atcha!

AFW: Cheers, buddy
Cat - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
My god, Kris. It truly is impossible to keep a straight face when reading your material. Loved the "ask her/Nebraska" rhyme...but it's another one of those goldurned rhymes that only works when sung in a British accent! There's no real American equivalent...=(
AP - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
This was hilarious and painfully true. 5's.
John Jenkins - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
TMGLTM, but the "Dolphin/golfin'" couplet and, of course, the conclusion stood out for me.
Kristof Robertson - June 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Cat: Thankyou for the lovely words; but I'm confused about your comment on the ask her/Nebraska couplet...I thought it would only work when sung in an American accent! Brits (especially in southern England) would pronounce "ask her" as AHSK uh,rather than ASSK uh, which is how I assumed Americans would pronounce it. Hoping you can clear this up for me. :-)

AP: Cheers. The truth is always funnier.

John: thanks, mate...that couplet was one of my faves as well
Linguist - June 28, 2007 - Report this comment
In most of America, the last syllable of 'Nebraska' rhymes with 'huh', not 'her'. However, knowing the Brit/Aussie/Boston pronunciation means that it is very easy to understand your rhyme scheme. Most northeastern US citizens pronounce Nebraska like you do. Perfectly acceptable, and even adds charm to this outstanding parody.555
Agrimorfee - June 28, 2007 - Report this comment
This was a giggle-maker in how the ridiculousness just builds...then hits you with a whammy punchline. SOTM contention. 555
stuart mcarthur - June 28, 2007 - Report this comment
ala The Joker: "Where does he GET that freakin' detail?" - it's your detail that's so hilarious Kristof - the "seventeen and German" punchline cracked me up and Bertha from Nebraska, and Tiger telling you you're good at golfin' - just lol after lol - 555
Cat - June 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Linguist is right. Here in the Midwest, we actually PRONOUNCE our R's. =P
Matthias - March 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Uh-oh... I'm meeting Below Average Dave this weekend, and that's online (Is off limits on this, or are we the root of the problem). Now I'm getting kinda worried, this crazy, pepsi addicted, pengiun terrorist might really be out to get me!!!
Guy - March 08, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC4O) Hey I lived in Nebraska for a few years back a while ago. They seem to be the only people in the entire US that don't seem to have any kind of accent what so ever - i.e. - Johnny Carson, a Nebraska native.

But really folks I'm glad to be here tonight. Anyone here from Nebraska? (Hears several mouse clicks though the internet sniffer that is configured to the workstation that seem to be coming from the back of the internet someplace in the nose bleed sections). Actually Nebraska is a great place, I liked all 600 people that make up its populace. Omaha is the only US city I ever lived in that if you drove for 10 minutes in any direction you would arrive in the middle of a cornfield. It took me nearly 3 years to realize that the horse racing track known as Aksarben was actually Nebraska spelled backwards. With stuff like that going for you how can you miss especially with the state motto being "A Place To Grow". You've been a good online crowd tonight - now I must get into my limo and take that arduous ride back to my mansion in Bel Aire.
Agrimorfee - March 12, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC) Did I say SOTM contention above? Let's see how it fares in ABC.
Invisible Boy - March 12, 2008 - Report this comment
Another perfect example of "it seems like such an obvious idea...why did we all miss it...except Kristof ". Of that, you are the master. Too many great and funny lines to mention

Regarding regionalisms...first, in line #4, is "twaddle to" an expression thus necessitating the 2nd "to"...I'm just curious as I've never heard that expression before.

2nd...I want you to know that where I live, we add the letters "er" to the end of words that end in "a". To us, "Nebraska" is pronounced "Nebrasker". I never questioned your rhyme...doesn't everyone talk like that ?
Kristof Robertson - March 13, 2008 - Report this comment
Quick message to IB: re Your first query: as much as I'd like to say the double "to" is a quirky Australo-Brit regionalism, I'm afraid it's actually something we in the business refer to as a....typo. (Must proof read better)
stuart mcarthur - March 18, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC) wow, I forgot this one - it's a masterpiece as alvin said - you can't get better pacing than this - you've just taken Spaff's baton and run with it Kristof - a delight to read - 555
Jack Wilson - March 19, 2008 - Report this comment
See above!
jeff reuben - March 19, 2008 - Report this comment
A fun song, I'm sorry I missed this one before. Great pacing, well done!

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