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Song Parodies -> "Don’t Sneeze On The Subway"

Original Song Title:

"Don’t Sleep In The Subway"

Original Performer:

Petula Clark

Parody Song Title:

"Don’t Sneeze On The Subway"

Parody Written by:

Merry & Pippin

The Lyrics

You snuffle aloud in the midst of this crowd
Yet, you don’t see what hankie is there for
You hawk out a sneeze, then there’s bogers on me
‘Cause the season has got pollen airborne...

Those protoplasmic missiles aim unsure
Breaks out your snout in sniffley nosely snore

Don't sneeze in the subway, darling
Don't stand and blow out your brains
Got people in subway snarling
The phlegm is long
Project’les hurling by
Coughing’s wrong
Germs woebetide me again

The sudden departs of those secreted darts
Causes spurts when your membrane’s inflam-ed
You don’t heed what’s flew, when you board with that flu
And your histamines have not abated

‘Sundheit means nothing when o’er me, you blow
Olfact’ry nerve, its switch is stuck on go

Don't sneeze in the subway, darling
De-mand that your cold’s restrained
From deep in your airways, darling
Politeness gone
Commit some mucuside
All day long
Now you're achoo-ing again

Don't sneeze in the subway, darling
Nose gland’s just like pouring rain
It really is quite appalling
A blight, so wrong
So let your nose subside
Head on home
Lest you beslime me again...

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   12

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

mandamoo - May 29, 2007 - Report this comment
This one is not to be sneezed at....I hope...hee hee...great visuals....aaah aaaah..I think.. :P
alvin - May 29, 2007 - Report this comment
digustingly though delightfully descriptive
Ford - May 29, 2007 - Report this comment
How apt, coming into winter!
Kristof Robertson - May 29, 2007 - Report this comment
As a chronic hayfever sufferer, I so relate to this. Great subs throughout. 555
patrick - May 29, 2007 - Report this comment
woebetide you if Petula finds out
stuart mcarthur - May 29, 2007 - Report this comment
I just HATE being beslimed, especially in the subway - it's just not polite at all - great stuff M and P - 555
Dee Range - May 29, 2007 - Report this comment
This must have been a booger to write. Great
Mike Juergens - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Didn't sing to me. High cringe factor, bad diction.
MasonR - May 30, 2007 - Report this comment
As soon as I read the brilliant line "those protoplasmic missiles aim unsure" I knew this would be a classic. Incredible wordplay here!
Peregrin - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
Cringe: Intentional. Diction: "...the articulation of speech regarded from the point of view of its intelligibility to the audience..." Yep. :)
Dubya Tee Eff? - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
Why is there a triple one vote on here? This parody was NOT off paced. I'd like to kill that Ones Voter; he/she/it/banjo had no business besmirching the ballot box. I liked this one very much so it should get a perfect 5,5,5.
Petula Clark - May 31, 2007 - Report this comment
It was me!
A. Person - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
The above comment was made by an imposter. If Petula herself were to read this, she might have something to say about it, but I don't think she would put an uncalled-for 1-bomb in the ballot box.
Alpha Skua - November 10, 2022 - Report this comment
Just order a nice Meatball Sub with sliced olives Cheese and Pickles and don't forget the Cherry Cola
Peregrin - November 11, 2022 - Report this comment
Hi Alpha. Thanks for visiting and commenting. The sub and cheese and pickles might have gone off by now. The cola presumably survives a nuclear war.
CML - November 11, 2022 - Report this comment
Most of the song kinda sucks, but the refrain is beautiful. And ever since I first heard it at the age of ten, Ive struggled with this issue .... If I had gotten into a spat with Petula Clark, what would I do; Sleep on the hard cold surface of a grimy subway station where I would almost certainly, at some point, get brutally assaulted, OR admit I was wrong and climb under the sheets of a warm bed with a beautiful, loving and forgiving girlfriend
Peregrin - November 11, 2022 - Report this comment
Thanks for visiting CML. Yes, you could do a lot worse than Petula. I vote for your second option. Take her Downtown afterwards.

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