Oh the flight is maxed
And crunched in our rows
We’re rear to rear
And toe to toe
The pilot cracks me up, “Enjoy the ride!”
My behind is achin’
My shoulders sore
A guy is sleepin’
He’s startin’ to snore
Sardines are better packed, at least we’re dry.

They’re nicklin’ and dime’n me
Help is just a modest fee
Peanuts cost you twice the price of gold
(just paying through my nose)
I’m bleedin’ on a jet plane
The front chair is leaning back again
But, hey, my chair it floats!

These are simple crimes
Above the ground
Divine design
A hostage crowd
Ten thousand feet and you can’t leave the plane
In a space for one
They’re seating two
For a Jackson note
They might feed you
If you want snacks, you’ll pawn your wedding ring

I’m twisting inside my seat
Blood won’t flow into my feet
Guy nearby is wearing foul cologne
(or maybe, a week old scone)
I’m bleedin’ on a jet plane
I don’t think I’ll feel my back again
At least I’ve got my Doan’s.

Flying time
Will often grieve you
Or the lines
And price will peeve you
You blink your eyes, and money’s flown away
North or south
Your luggage gone
Or east or west
Your hope forgone
Volcano says, “Your flight has been delayed”

So traveling is fun for me
Fun just like lobotomies
Give me drugs and put me in the hold
(and blanket, ‘cause it’s so cold)
I’m bleedin’ on a jet plane
I just hope they’ve got a finance plan
Have airlines sold their souls?