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Song Parodies -> "Pluck The Matted Back Hairs"

Original Song Title:

"Puff, The Magic Dragon"

Original Performer:

Peter, Paul & Mary

Parody Song Title:

"Pluck The Matted Back Hairs"

Parody Written by:

Leo Keough

The Lyrics

Pluck the matted back hairs, lift them from me
From follicles, they spawn so stiff on a span I never see
Little knack of shaving off that raspy stuff
I sought the stings of peeling wax, but that was way too rough. Oh

Pluck the shaggy carpet, strip it from me
And mollify that awful itch where my hands can never reach
Pluck the tragic eyesore, just set me free
To frolic with some awesome twit over sand upon the beach

Like sweaters frayed and raveled, all the growth instilled travail
Sadly slept unhooked and spurned, a gruff romantic tale
Hobos, twinks and grinches would howl at hairs untamed
Guys in kilts would blow (on) their bags with bluster unrestrained. Oh

Pluck the nagging back beard, give me relief
And polish off those knotted wicks, all the strands abashing me
Pluck the scraggly stragglers, snip ev'ry piece
Don't bollix up my shot at bliss in a grand catastrophe

A flagon gives me pleasure and blots out all the noise
Tainted drinks and pliant winks, I craved for utter joy
Hungry, tight and frazzled, tacky capers, aimed to score
And fluff that frighten'd dragon, unleashed as ne'er before

Her bed was bent and sorry, mean, stale, smelled like caves
Lust no longer lent its sway, no longer dared I crave
In doubt, this tight-thong said, "Tufts should not be shaved."
And thus this mighty Magnon gladly dipped to be her slave. Oh

"Love the magic back hairs, just right for me"
She rollicked in a wanton twist, in a trance, all fresh and free
"Love the graphic action", whistled in glee
I frolicked in a naughty tryst, in a dance called ecstasy

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   17

User Comments

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Mark Scotti - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Very "hairy" situations! fives...
Christie Marie M - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Sounds like you need a serious back wax! A hair-raising adventure!! I got my brows shaved. They hurt when they peel, and itch afterwards. 555's!
AFW - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Quite a creative and unique rewrite of one of my favorite PP & M songs..lots of great lines, like, "Fluff that frightened dragon" and "Her bed was bent and sorry"
Timmy1000 - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Ah, such a lovely children's fairy tale. it's not? There are some great lines in this one. Nice twist on the ending.
blackjack21 - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Fluffin' fives for this follicle-ing frivolity.
Fiddlegirl - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Waxing poetic, Mr. K!
Hairless Turtle - September 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Have you tried electrolysis? .. or maybe just being tased would work :) *So* glad I don't have that problem!
Phil Alexander - September 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Should we call you Matt from now on then, Leo? You little plucker...
John Barry - September 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Leo Keough - September 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks All!!!
Just to set the record straight (and so I won't be called Matt), the parody was a work of fiction, and what back hair I have cannot be detected without a magnifying device.
Silver Power - September 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Very funny. Luckily, back hair doesn't run in my family, so I won't really worry about it too much. 5s.
Little-X-2-Z - September 04, 2009 - Report this comment
very poetic, Sir ! . . . loved the Twist, the Trance & the Tryst . . .
DJ Blaze - September 06, 2009 - Report this comment
LOL at the title switch, which lived up to my expectations. I've done a parody on shaving before, but this one's even better! 555
Agrimorfee - September 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Whoa...very John Barryesque, lovable ribaldry. And to make a new chorus each time must have made you lose a few hairs!
Guy - September 13, 2009 - Report this comment

Great title switch and great follow along to the OS. Well played - I like this.
Stuart McArthur - September 14, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) this could be the new theme tune for Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, Leo - lots of funny lines - 555
bobpiecheese - September 16, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC5) I got lost after a while. I understood the beginning with hating the copius amounts of back hair, then the words started getting old-fashioned and confusing, and did not know what has happening. But that's not your fault, it's mine.
mark Scotti - September 16, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) sure makes you hairs stand on end, all 555 of them!!
Abbott Skelding - September 16, 2009 - Report this comment
ABC: Nice job!! I love the title change! Excellent!
Melanie Lee - September 18, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) Naughtily poetic! Made me laugh. Send it to Robin Williams. 555. RIP Mary Travers.
Below Average Dave - September 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Fun parody, I don't think Mary would be offended at all by this. . .RIP Mary:)
Matthias - September 19, 2009 - Report this comment
It is really sad that Mary Travers has died recently it seems that all the big celeberties are dying this year... Micheal Jackson, Patrick Swayze, Billy Mays and now this but your parody was still really funny and I think if she was still alive Mary would have enjoyed this as well.
Red Ant - September 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Great pacing and syllable matching, Leo. Back hair is cruel - how the hell am I supposed to shave it? The missus just *loves* the job. 555

Seeing this OS again makes me want to revisit it - do "Muff, the Sapphic Dragon" or "Crushed! The Station Wagon" have some promise?
Patrick - December 13, 2012 - Report this comment
A few days late, but a wonderfully written piece. I don't have two mirrors so I have no idea what is "back" there. With enough talent you can write about the most obscure topic and make it come out funny.
Leough - December 13, 2012 - Report this comment
Patrick, thanks for checking this out. I have little or no back hair in real life, but I have worn some combination of mustache, goatee or beard most of my adult life. At one time I considered going clean-shaven to see if it would improve my dating prospects. Before I got around to doing so, however, I met and started dating a gal who was just crazy for men with facial hair. It was that event in my life that was the inspiration for this parody.

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