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Song Parodies -> "I'd Shave Anything"

Original Song Title:

"I'd Do Anything"

Original Performer:

Oliver! Cast Recording, written by Lionel Bart

Parody Song Title:

"I'd Shave Anything"

Parody Written by:

Bob Gomez

The Lyrics

I gave this song to my wife for our anniversary. Needless to say, she was not pleased. At all.
I’d shave anything
For you, dear,
Anything,
My pubes, rear,
Everything
You see…

Don’t throw that!

I’d shave all my hair,
My eyebrows
And use Nair®
On nad-pouch
Very care-
Fully…

(“Would you shave your nose?”)
Anything!
(“Every hair that grows?”)
Anything!
(“In between your toes?”)
Anything!
(“Wear my pantyhose?”)

What?! Fishnet rocks!!

I’d shave everything,
My chest, back,
Everything,
Yes, I’d shave everything
(“Everything?”)
Everything for you!

I’d wear anything
For you, dear,
Anything
See-through, dear,
Buttless leather jeans…

And handcuffs!

I’d trade underwear
With you, dear,
Why not share?
I’ve got an
Extra pair
Of briefs…

(“Would you wear spiked heels?”)
Anything!
(“Fur from baby seals?”)
Anything!
(“Jockstrap made of veal?”)
Anything!
(“Put a conger eel…?”)

Right down my pants!!

I’d bare everything
While dancing
In a ring,
I’d strip off everything
(“Everything?”)
Everything for you!

I’d eat anything
From moose meat
Sashimi
To goose feet
Floating in fondue…

That’s low-fat!

I’d ingest a pair
Of fresh-soaked
Sanitar-
Y napkins
Anything
For you!

Live bees!
Small trees!
Creamed peas!
Or lab rats with disease!

I’d chomp anything
For you, dear,
Anything,
I don’t fear
Anything
(“Anything?”)
Anything that’s food!

(“Rancid tunafish?”)
Anything!
(“Undercooked knish?”)
Anything!
(“Dogfood from a dish?”)
Anything!
(“And then say ‘delish’?“)

Sure! Let’s tuck in!

I’d risk poisoning
From fugu
Here’s the thing:
I won’t do Burger King
(“Burger King???”)
Burger King
For you!
©Bob Gomez 2009

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   10
 10
 10
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

seweweno - October 16, 2009 - Report this comment
icky thoughts...and very funny
Peter Andersson - October 16, 2009 - Report this comment
DKTOS but this reads hilarius.
Fiddlegirl - October 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Strange... I can't imagine how any woman could resist such a romantic sentiment-- LOL!!!
John Barry - October 16, 2009 - Report this comment
The ending was a killer, much like the fare at BK.
Red Ant - October 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Funny work, Bob!
Bob Gomez - October 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, sewe, Peter, Fiddlegirl, John B and Red. I had so much fun writing this one. You can see the the OS from the movie Oliver! on YouTube.
Old Man Ribber - October 16, 2009 - Report this comment
(Also from Oliver) Consider yourself...funny. Consider yourself...quite a good humorist. ;D
Bob Gomez - October 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Mr. Ribber. With this kind of song, I should be working for ACORN!!!
Christie Marie M - October 16, 2009 - Report this comment
This is such a funny parody. If I had a husband who wrote this kind of parody, I would laugh my head off! I'm sorry yours is not very pleased. I echo all comments above. It's all good! 5's!
Carolynn Cordsen - October 18, 2009 - Report this comment
I've told everyone about this wonderful parody. I laughed 'til I had tears in my eyes!
Bob Gomez - October 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks sincerely to both Christie and Carolynn. If you liked this one, you might enjoy a similar one I wrote a while back called "Eat On Me."

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