1. Now here's a little story to tell it's my intent
About an unsung hero who braves the grotto tent.
Some volunteer for rescues or bomb disposal bids.
My old man risks life and limb by giving gifts to kids.

Ch. Oh, my old man's a Santa, he wears a Santa hat,
He tells his joke at Christmas time which always leaves us flat.
He looks a proper nana in his too tight Santa kit,
He has such a job to squeeze it on and can hardly bend or sit.

" My reindeer's got no nose." "How does he smell?" "Terrible!"

2. One day while in his grotto with a brat of only three
Didn't like the bunch of sweets and kicked out furiously.
Now my old man got shirty and in the sack he dives,
Next present Santa handed him it was a bunch of fives.

" I say, I say, I say...my dustbin's full of reindeer."
" Well, put the lid on."

3. Next day to keep his temper, that's what he had to do
When a darling had his beard off which it wanted not some glue.
But Santa smiled serenely and anger showed no trace,
Then snatched the beard and glue and then he stuck it to his face.

" I say, I say, I say.... How's Santa's elf?"
" I didn't know his elf was ill. "

4. Now you will be surprised to learn this story has a twist,
Cos my old man told all the kids he didn't now exist.
NO SUCH THING AS SANTA? The kids screamed THAT AIN'T TRUE!
You'll never wriggle out of this cos we believe in you!

Next time you see a Santa looking all pale and wan,
Take him to the grotto it might be my old man.