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Song Parodies -> "Suspended Sentence"

Original Song Title:

"Tom Dooley"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Kingston Trio

Parody Song Title:

"Suspended Sentence"

Parody Written by:

Patrick McWilliams

The Lyrics

Many moons ago I was working on a parody of "Tom Dooley" when the lyrics kept flowing to the tune of "Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer". That led to a whole string of tune swaps. A couple days ago I stumbled onto my original text and decided to finish it.
(Narrator)

Have there been any songs written about America's revolving door justice system? I don't know. So I decided I'd write one. It's the story of a man named Ernesto Miranda, a murdered woman, and the fellow who killed her, Tom Dooley. Tomorrow, Tom Dooley will walk out of the courtroom, a free man.

(Singers)

They'll never hang Tom Dooley
Guilty though he may be
Judge has released Tom Dooley
A technicality

Met her on the sidewalk
Murdered her that night
Sheriff nabbed Tom Dooley
Failed to read his rights

Hang down your head, Tom Dooley
Tom, you deserve the noose
You went and cut that lady
Judge went and cut you loose

This time tomorrow
You'll be good to go
If not for Judge Earl Warren
You'd be rotting on Death Row

We know your crime, Tom Dooley
Proof's there for all to see
You were one lucky Irish
Who got away Scot-free

Where was your head, Tom Dooley?
Have you no sympathy
She's in the grave forever
Dead in the first degree

This Friday evening
Know just where you'll be
Hanging with your homies
To celebrate drunkenly

Turn 'round your head, Tom Dooley
Here comes the Pitchfork Mob
Rope, in the name of Justice
Doing the judge's job

They say you're sick, Tom Dooley
Sociopathically
We've got the cure, Tom Dooley
Hemp fiber therapy

Hemp fiber therapy
Drape over limb of tree
Silent eternally
Miranda, defendant whose case brought about the Supreme Court ruling that police must advise persons under arrest of their Constitutional rights, in particular, the right to remain silent. Earl Warren, Chief Justice whose court was viewed by many as being "soft" on crime. Sometimes defendants will be charged with or plead to "second degree" murder. The victims, of course, remain first-degree dead.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - August 26, 2010 - Report this comment
You have the right to remain funny...anything you say or do may be used to amuse us. There...I've read you your amirights! ;D
Patrick - August 26, 2010 - Report this comment
OMR. Your comment is funnier than my song.
Michael Pacholek - August 26, 2010 - Report this comment
I commend your pairing of "lucky Irish" with "Scot-free," but the reason we have laws is to protect people. That includes criminal defendants, the ones who really are guilty and the ones who aren't. Earl Warren was a great man, and he was NOT soft on crime: He was the Attorney General of his State, and its Governor (certainly, California's had some horrible Governors since), and the Warren Court held the police to their own standards. Mick Jagger got it wrong: Not every cop is a criminal, but enough of them are, both in 1964 Mississippi and 1997 New York, that things like this had to be done.
Patrick - August 26, 2010 - Report this comment
The FBI, as I understand it, read suspects their rights long before the Court required it. Hoover, for all his flaws, was image conscious and wanted his agents to enjoy public respect and cooperation. I recall "Impeach Earl Warren" signs being publicly displayed by the far right during the 1960's and early 70's. It occurred to me this morning that there were far more lynchings during the era when the death penalty was widely accepted and carried out, and the courts were not sympathetic to racial and ethnic minorities. High profile killers were often put to death within a few months of conviction, not 25 years as is the case today. One of the problems with police came with the change from "peace officer" to "law enforcement". The standard has changed from lack of crime to number of arrests. The growing use of cops to enforce revenue laws (traffic tickets, seat belts, forfeitures) has only made things worse. Walking a beat in uniform, with a night stick, checking in on all the local businesses and being a friend in need to children and old ladies attracts a different kind of individual than running around in a ninja suit with an MP5 kicking down peoples' doors at 3:00 am and flash banging them because they were selling certain plant derivatives. The primary (some would say only) purpose of government is to bring an objective standard of evidence and due process to the prosecution of crime. I'm sure the businessmen of my home town could wipe out most of the crime in our downtown overnight, but the chances of innocent bystanders getting hurt would be a lot higher than having a professional team, less encumbered by ethnic prejudices do the job. Thanks for the comment. Glad you liked the 'Scot-free". What did you think of "hemp fiber therapy"?
John Barry - August 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Estoy mirando tu canciĆ³n y la estoy dando cincos.
Barry J. Mitchel - August 30, 2010 - Report this comment
You could revise this for OJ Simpson and his criminal trial jury! I'd change "To celebrate" to "Celebrating" for accent. Otherwise 555.
Tommy Turtle - September 01, 2010 - Report this comment
I found time to read this after your brilliant reply to JAB's MLK spoof 8/31.

Probably better I didn't. Appreciate the intent, but actually, the cops f***** over Miranda royally. I know, because a song that I've already submitted for today (Wednesday) makes reference to that same Supreme Court decision. - before I was aware of this one. Weird. (I also know because I took some courses in criminal and constitutional law.)

Anyway, look up the case itself, and you'll see why the outcome was what it was.. Many police officers and Chiefs support the Miranda warning, because it legitimizes police practices in the eyes of the public, and assures that public that their police are behaving professionally.
      You support the Constitution as I do, we both know the Fifth Amendment, and we also know that *everyone* is presumed innocent unless and until proven guilty, beyond and to the exclusion of every reasonable doubt. That's what differentiates our system from that of dictatorships.

Sorry to disagree, but then, maybe it''s Karma for being nagged to read a parody when obviously I didn't have time last week - you *know* that you're on my A-list to read *when I'm here". Mentioning it was fine - I plug a lot myself -- but saying "Missed your commentaries..." implied some sort of obligation.

I'm certain that I haven't read all 81 of your parodies, just as you haven't read all 368 of mine. So you have four times as much catching up to do. ;-)

Maybe i misread your comment. In any event, you know that I always say what I think, popular or not, and I hope you respect that, as I respect you, and not let this be an issue between us after this minute. - TT.
Patrick - September 01, 2010 - Report this comment
Glad you took the time to read this one. I don't feel a song of mine is complete until you and Micheal Pacholek have read it. Your commentary is most appreciated, favorable or otherwise. I'm not after numbers, I want to know what thinking people think.
Tommy Turtle - September 01, 2010 - Report this comment
Patrick, *great* attitude. And extremely rare here, alas.

I must admit that I don't really care whether MP reads my stuff or not. This is not a personal attack; it's just that the comments are always the same factless rants for which"rob" was chased away a while back. If Michael would cite some specific facts and reasons for his disagreement, rather than personal attacks against the people and pundits with whom he disagrees, then I would respect his comments more,

Or, in other words, if the comments would reflect that "thinking" that you mention. Check out yesterday's (8/31) comment at the FG/TT parody, and you'll see an example of what I'm saying. Again, nothing against Michael personally - he's going to be included in a group tribute that should post next week, I think -- just that fact-free ad hominem attacks aren't thoughtful comments in my book.

Will try to catch your other one when possible. Thanks again for your gracious reply. (although you'll have a *lot* of "uncompleted" songs by that criterion -- see my reply to your own comment there as well. Not enough hours in a day....)
Patrick - September 02, 2010 - Report this comment
By now I don't know whether I'm commenting on someone's song or on your response. Computers are troublesome things. I don't think they will ever make them better.
whipoorwill - January 27, 2018 - Report this comment
Barack Obama's judge i guess or Obama's early release for murderers,Rapists and child molesters who vote for the Demac-RATS
Alpha Skua - September 10, 2018 - Report this comment
My older brother when he was a kid could play TOM DOOLEY on one of those toy pianos

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