Frog legs and turnips with small bits of lettuce
White shirted fellows with accents upset us
Round ham-stuffed cabbages, raw chicken wings
These are some reasons I don't like French things

Steam prepared mollusks and upper class poodles
Strange smells from hotels who stuff things in noodles
Valets that pride themselves on smashing Fords
French things are things I just cannot afford

Tired of guessing what's in food I'm eating
Listen you can hear it's heart's still beating
Please no one mention the recipe mix
These are a few things that make me feel sick

When the soup's cold
Or the bread's old
When I'm eating snails
I suddenly realize I don't like French things
They serve it too fresh or stale

Croissants are yummy but not when they serve 'em
Stuffed with horseradish on top of intestines
Cheval, cervelle or rognons, I'd say...
These kinds of French things should just go away!

Models that look like they've been eating locusts
Stage productions that promote hocus pocus
Lipstick that comes in colors so rare
These cause me to complain that they're there

Waiters who snub me and refuse to serve me
Say there's no French toast when I can observe three
Charge me a fortune for one glass of wine
Tell me I've too much when they wine all the time

When the waiter
Serves me gator
In a light brown sauce
I suddenly realize I don't like French things
And just like that my food's tossed

I like french fries
I like pork pies
But they won't serve these
So when I am stuck in a French restaurant
I stand up and cut the cheese