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Song Parodies -> "Gourmet's Lament"

Original Song Title:

"My Favourite Things"

Original Performer:

Julie Andrews

Parody Song Title:

"Gourmet's Lament"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

Okay, before you start, I have cooked every meal in my house for the last 26 years. Still no excuse? Alright then, fire away...

Lobster mornay with a white wine reduction
Mango souffle in a pie-like construction
Sashimi, sushi, and lime-basted chook
These are a few things my wife cannot cook

Beef teriyaki and pineapple strudels
Sweet cherry duck with stir-fried udon noodles
Raspberry mousse in a wine marinade
These are a few things my wife’s never made

Pancetta pasta and stuffed cannelloni
Ham enchiladas and mushroom risoni
Panko-crumbed cheddar and cider-braised grouse
I have not ever been served by my spouse

When we’re eating
in the evening
on a winter’s night
A steaming pot roast or a kung pao sichuan
I will not get from…
my wife

Mussels in cream and squab breast ravioli
Nachos Supreme with cold-pressed guacamole
Fairies and elves and strife-free Palestine
I am more likely to see in my time

One time she tried to cook codfish in jelly
Frypan boiled dry and my god was it smelly!
When she baked pizza the box caught on fire
Pleasures my tastebuds will never acquire

Even if one day she tried to surprise us
First she would have to get by our devices
If my wife tried to cook duck bourguignon
Oven be like: “what the f***’s goin’ on!!”

Though she isn’t
so proficient
with a kitchen knife
I simply remember my favourite things
And one of them is…
my wife

I don't want her attempting kung pao sichuan without training wheels anyway...

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Matthias - August 31, 2018 - Report this comment
The ending of this song was pretty sweet. You still love your wife even if her cooking is disastrous. Funny stuf with the pizza box catching on fire and some good fancy food names thrown into the mix.
Agrimorfee - August 31, 2018 - Report this comment
We should call you Stew-Art, because you bring such art to your stew. Not merely just a food list, but also a romantic tribute. I miss stuff like this on AIR.
Peter Andersson - August 31, 2018 - Report this comment
I can't help thinking that your wife uses a reversed version of the old husband get-out-of-doing-the-dishes trick; simply act clumsy and drop a fancy porcelain plate or an expensive glass on the floor and you'll never be asked to help out again.
TJC - September 02, 2018 - Report this comment
Awesome as always, Stu!
qwerty - September 03, 2018 - Report this comment
555!! ... That's not your score; that's the number of days you'll be spending in the doghouse for this parody ;-D
Dee Range - September 11, 2018 - Report this comment
LMFAO! You never disappoint, and remain one of the all-time great writers this site has ever seen. Keep on truckin' Cowboy!
Stuart McArthur - September 18, 2018 - Report this comment
Thanks Matty - yes the funnest part was coming up with ridiculously gourmet meal names

Thanks Ag, very nice to read those words. I agree, I miss it too, seems like the Golden Age is not going to return though :(

Thanks K1, hmm, maybe. I will have to rethink my wife's wiliness

Thanks for the read TJC

qwerty I was hoping the ridiculousness of my epicurean expectations of her might allay her anger!

Thanks Dee - great to hear from you - when are you going to start posting again?

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