Crème de menthe, peppermint schnapps, Bailey’s Irish
Cream in a cocktail has me feeling nourished
Martinis and strawberry daiquiris
Are just a few of my favorite drinks

Could have coffee, but I really hate coffee
Could add sake and call it “Kamikaze”
Or maybe Godiva Chocolate Liqueur
Oh wait, my speech could slur while I’m at work

Maybe just a hint of Godiva Liqueur
In my coffee as long as there’s a chauffeur
Pick up my phone and call the janitor
He was a chauffeur in El Salvador

When I mix some
Types of liquors
I feel sick and get
A hangover the size of Mount E-ver-est
And then I feel so grotesque

I tried Jack and Coke at a colleague’s party
In a drunken stupor I danced with Marty
Now he’ll never look at me the same way
Because I threw up alone in the hay

Some colleagues and I went to Dave and Buster’s
The beer I drank that night helped me to muster
The courage to ask our hot waiter out
He said “no” but offered me a free stout

Tried a Bellini followed by a Mai Tai
I swear the bartender who made them was high
So we took a jeep to Miami Beach
And I tasted the best Sex on the Beach

I was too drunk
To care about
That dumb bartender
But I remembered my favorite drinks and
Bee-lined toward the kitchen sink