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Song Parodies -> "My Sexual Playthings"

Original Song Title:

"My Favorite Things"

Original Performer:

Julie Andrews

Parody Song Title:

"My Sexual Playthings"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Strawberry condoms and long hairy mittens
Electric panties glow faces of kittens
Pink stripper poles with attached velvet swings,
These are a few of my sexual playthings

Purple pom poms and some red water pistols
Strobe lights that flash on and off of light crystals
Fuzzy clear plastic that tickles and clings,
These are a few of my sexual playthings

King size bed a circle
Pillows play CD's..
Each night I use all my sexual things,
Those mentioned plus all..of..these...

Hawaiian leis and fresh grass clipped from meadows
Scattered rose blossoms, a bike with plush pedals
Large tiger rug, head and teeth move by strings,
These are just some of my sexual playthings

Mink covered jump ropes and squeeze bottle choc'late
Stuffed dog that humps a confetti filled rocket
Long ostrich feathers, vibrators with wings,
These are some more of my sexual playthings

Got a hot tub...filled with jello
Full sized trampoline..
Each day I'm buying new sexual things
My crib is a Hef..ner..scene..

Bathroom resembles the old ancient Rome ruins
Dozens of wigs, small and giant red balloons
Gold shower stall, from all ways, water springs
Yet, still some more of my sexual playthings

Masturbate monkey, pet boa constrictor
Whole bedroom earthquakes, point six on the Richtor
Hundreds of costumes and jewelry of Kings
High on the list of my sexual playthings..

Booze dispensors..with thirst sensors
Paintings that unfurl..
No one can outclass my sexual playthings,
All I don't have is..a..girl...

All I don't have is a girl..

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   17

User Comments

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Fiddlegirl - July 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Ol' Hef would be proud!!
Guy - July 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Farce - Did you by some chance visit a Michael Jackson estate sale over the weekend? You got more stuff than you can shake your schick at.

I thought you metered off with this line:

These are a few of my sexual playthings

This line scanned 11 counts to me where the OS has 10. The problem seemed to be with the word "sexual" I was scanning three syllables on that word but depending on local speech patterns I've heard it pronounced with two syllables. What I read first was sex-u-al but I've heard this word pronounced sex-yule. Anyway it works.

Speaking of metering off - that Richtor is a nice touch. If anything can meter you off, the quakes with the Richtor reading should do the trick, I'd pretty much say. And I'll bet I know why you a missing the girl part - if I were a lass seeing all that schick would make me want to see your pad in my rear view mirror. The world's a sick place and you're a happy guy. I'm reading 555 on the sex-yule Richtor.
AFW - July 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Fg, and thanks, Guy...technically, you're right..I should have put up a disclaimer about pronouncing the word, sex-yule...
Old Man Ribber - July 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Very good job. How about the device that is part personal vibrator and part crawling shelled mammal (The Armadilldoh)? ;D
Guy - July 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Ha Ha - he said Armadilldoh. =;-)
Andy Primus - July 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Another hilarious one - here's 555 more playthings
Kristof Robertson - July 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Seriously, SERIOUSLY TMI here, AFW...but riotous nonetheless. 555
AFW - July 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Mr. Ribber, that's a good one...and thanks, Andy, and Kristof...
Tommy Turtle - July 28, 2009 - Report this comment
I'd accuse you of stealing my idea of 2 1/2 years ago,,BR> but this is a, uh... "different" , uh, "spin" (lol), to be sure! Five Kinks.
blackjack21 - July 28, 2009 - Report this comment
LOL! bad-bad-bad = 5-5-5. No girl? What happened to your inflatable? ;-)
AFW - July 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, TT...yeah, I checked it out...yes, I guess it is in a smilar..the sex vein...fantastic job, there...and you made it long enough to be an encyclopedia...I see I commented back then, too
AFW - July 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Oh, and thanks, Blackjack...oh, yeah, Inflatia..she left me..flat
TT - July 29, 2009 - Report this comment
"Let me make one thing perfectly clear", as RMN used to say: NO offense taken whatsoever! ...was mostly kidding. Mine was several years ago; I'm sure you didn't remember it; and even so, there's nothing wrong with doing another twist on a concept, so long as it's completely different --- and it couldn't get much more different than this one ! :-) ... just kidding, and perhaps, subconsciously an excuse to plug :) Thanks for the kind v/c back then.

To prove there are no "hard" (ouch!) feelings, here's a follow-up idea for you: Take The Wizard of Oz, "If I Only Had A Brain", and sub "If I Only Had A Girl". ... tie it into this one, perhaps as a sequal, as that's what you're saying here. Hope you do it -- no credit required.
President Barack Obama - July 29, 2009 - Report this comment
Guy DiRito: Thank you for your many years of service in the armed forces of our country, but I'm afraid I have to back my private jet, Airfarcewon, on this one. See, I was accused of all sorts of things when they found out that Scarlett Johansson and I had an e-mail thing going. I issued a firm denial, "I did not have textual relations with that woman."

To my Aircraft: In my many visits to this site to see what the AIR town hall is saying about me and our great nation, I've seen certain writers, mostly amphibious, use an apostrophe to remove all doubt that a syllable has been elided (omitted), like this: "sex'ual" or "sex'ul". Makes the pacing very clear to the reader, and avoids disputes like the one between you and our retired serviceperson.

I *told* them I was good at diplomacy and would negotiate with AIR-erists!
LadyTaTa - July 29, 2009 - Report this comment
Ahhh, Sir L'Air, . . . so that's who got Tatiana's hide . . elSatyrMayor.
alvin - July 31, 2009 - Report this comment fave of the day
LadyTaTa - July 31, 2009 - Report this comment
again , Sir L'Air de Farce, ~ the Mighty Dule oEdge~ The ~Lord SatyrMayor~ . . . . this is total Insanity, at its Best, Sir ! ! This NorCalGal loved the ' Richter scale' line . . .
AFW - August 01, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, again, TT, Guy, LadyTaTa, and alvin...

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