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Song Parodies -> "My Chronic Ills"

Original Song Title:

"My Favorite Things"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Julie Andrews

Parody Song Title:

"My Chronic Ills"

Parody Written by:

Airfarcewon

The Lyrics

Acne and Asthma, my plasma's anemic
Obese, bipolar, dyslexic, bulimic
Day in and day out pop two thousand pills
Can't ease the symptoms of my chronic ills..

St.Vitus Dance, Crohn's disease, epilepsy
Measles and Mumps and an ulcer from pepsi
Amnesia, Rosacea, fever and chills
Score up some more of my bad chronic ills..

Neuritis, bursitis, shingles, and bunions
Boils and carbuncles, some bigger than onions
Callouses, hammer toes, Achilles heels
Long is the list of my bad chronic eels, (er, ills)

Tonsilitis,
And tinnitus,
Acid 'flux, a lot..
There aren't any names for some things that I've had
Or some of the ills...I've...got..

Hives and psoriasis, blackheads, and rashes
Dandruff and fungus flakes on my eyelashes
Parkinson's tremors that cause coffee spills
Docs are amazed at all my chronic ills..

Colic, congestion, convulsions, consumption
Dog tired poor blood, never have any gumption
Warts on my penis resemble jarred dills
Should be in Guiness with my chronic ills..

Jaundice and jail fever, a-k-a typhus
Kidney stones, lockjaw, severe Richard Dreyfuss
(Dreyfuss?...Yeah, that's extreme lock-JAWS)
Slipped disc with sciatica causes spills
Tally more batches of my chronic ills..

Knobs on both knees,
Dry cough and wheeze
Arteries clogged rough..
On top of these ailments, I've found out that I'm
Just plain sick of all..this..stuff

Neuralgia, Addison's, catarrh, phlebitis
Croup and diptheria, brain meningitis,
Hernias, goiter, nodes in my nos-trils
Not enough tonic for these chronic ills

Gallstones, abcesses, mononucleosis
Quinsy, and dropsy, and psychic psychosis
OCD, ADD, SAD, Chills
Medicare dumped me for my chronic ills

Hodgkins, the vapours, the grippe, and pnuemonia
Olympis, (a fear of Tai Babilonia)
High astronomical medical bills
Shadow the moon from all my chronic ills

Not much "Hope-ra"
Even Oprah,
Fifty Doctor Phils..
Could not find a way, though combining their skills
To cure all my chron..ic...ills







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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 5   13
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User Comments

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Invisible Boy - January 15, 2008 - Report this comment
This one had quite a few "laugh out loud" moments for me. Excellent ! P.S. I hope you're feeling better...
Dee Range - January 15, 2008 - Report this comment
This was like looking in the mirror at myself. And I'm also deranged lol. Great stuff AFW
Red Ant - January 15, 2008 - Report this comment
What, no lupus? =) Fun stuff, AFW. Here's 555 get well cards, one for each ailment.
alvin - January 15, 2008 - Report this comment
this one flat out made my jaw drop..an amazing wite
Meriadoc - January 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Chronic laughter on this one... :-)
AFW - January 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, Dee, Red, alvin, and Mer
AFW - January 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Oops, also thanks to IB
PMS - January 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Reading this was good for what ails me
John Barry - January 15, 2008 - Report this comment
A few days ago, someone forwarded me a parody of the OS, about growing old, that Julie had sung. This is much better. Fine job.
AFW - January 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Thank you, PMS...and John
Peregrin - January 15, 2008 - Report this comment
AFW, reading htis made me feel better :)
AFW - January 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, Peregrin. that will be forty dollars..
Guy - January 16, 2008 - Report this comment
Hey Farce - Did they find anything else in your autopsy? You could not have survived all this. You must have a ghost writer.

I'm surprised that you missed "farcies". Yes it is a real ailment that usually affects mules and horses but it is communicable to humans. Medical definition is:

A chronic form of glanders that affects chiefly the skin and superficial lymph vessels, also known as farcy.

This one was so funny I jerked back and hit my elbow and hurt my humerus bone. Add that to the list of ailments. Excellent write, amusing, well paced and lots of unexpected words and lines. Very enjoyable!
AFW - January 16, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks Guy...no, although I grew up on a farm, I can't say that I've heard tell of "Farcies"
The Thought Police - January 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Havent been here in a while and I gotta ask-what do you get for the man who has everthing? Three 5's and call me in the morning!

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