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Song Parodies -> "Crowds, Gloves, And Wives"
Original Song Title:
"Both Sides, Now"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Joni Mitchell
Parody Song Title:
"Crowds, Gloves, And Wives"
Parody Written by:
Thayer
The Lyrics
I thought I invented the word 'abusion' because Microsoft Word put squigglies under it, but it turns out it's really a word (according to dictionary.com and others...).
Oh well. Can't win 'em all.
Oh well. Can't win 'em all.
Holding torches in the night
And MLK for Civil Rights
And saying prayers by candlelight
I've looked at crowds that way
But now they only burn up cars
It's lynching African's top cause
So many things we thought were ours
But crowds caused disarray
I've looked at crowds from both sides now
From in and out and still somehow
It's crowd abusions I recall
I really don't like crowds at all
Gardening in summer's dirt
And NASCAR drivers' hand alert
And grabbing at her miniskirt
I've looked at gloves that way
But now they only help acquit
Or let Michael make kids submit
But neither makes the charges fit
The crimes just drift away
I've looked at gloves from both sides now
From on and off and still somehow
It's glove abusions I recall
I really don't like gloves at all
Making love beneath the sun
To be each other's number one
And feel your life has just begun
I've looked at wives that way
But now they just take half your dough
Or slice your dick and let it go
And Hilary just had to know
"Cause she and Mon were gay
I've looked at wives from both sides now
From sex to vex and still somehow
It's wives' abusions I recall
I really don't like wives at all.
And MLK for Civil Rights
And saying prayers by candlelight
I've looked at crowds that way
But now they only burn up cars
It's lynching African's top cause
So many things we thought were ours
But crowds caused disarray
I've looked at crowds from both sides now
From in and out and still somehow
It's crowd abusions I recall
I really don't like crowds at all
Gardening in summer's dirt
And NASCAR drivers' hand alert
And grabbing at her miniskirt
I've looked at gloves that way
But now they only help acquit
Or let Michael make kids submit
But neither makes the charges fit
The crimes just drift away
I've looked at gloves from both sides now
From on and off and still somehow
It's glove abusions I recall
I really don't like gloves at all
Making love beneath the sun
To be each other's number one
And feel your life has just begun
I've looked at wives that way
But now they just take half your dough
Or slice your dick and let it go
And Hilary just had to know
"Cause she and Mon were gay
I've looked at wives from both sides now
From sex to vex and still somehow
It's wives' abusions I recall
I really don't like wives at all.
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Voting Breakdown
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| 4 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 5 | 3 | 3 | 3 |
User Comments
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You know, I was all set to give you a well-earned five, and then you had to slip in a Bill/Hillary/Monica reference. So I had to dock you a point.
Nicely done-- Ebert and Roper give you two gloved thumbs up!
Sorry, Michael. I was trying to think of more 'wives' things and the first one that popped in my head was the whole Lewinsky thing. Plus, I know you hated Clinton so I'm taking it with a grain of salt anyway.
I think abusions is a great word... :-)
OK, Thayer, I'm gonna have to dock you another point. Bill Clinton was the best President of my lifetime. Granted, that's not much of a threshold, since I was born during the Tricky Dick Administration. On the other hand, Merry is right, and I think someone else -- I'm pretty sure I won't be the first -- is gonna use "abusions" in a parody.
I'm honored that my using abusions has inspired and incited others to do the same. And to be fair, Michael, Clinton was the only president-elect in your lifetime that was democrat. It's not saying much if there's only one democrat to choose from. We're just living in a presidential age of mediocrity and it'll probably get worse before it gets better (a.k.a. hilary, condi, or jeb). If McCain doesn't run in '08, I'm going to write in a vote for Colbert, provided he's 35. I don't know if he is. If not, then Stewart. One of them could get this country a-movin' and a-shakin'.
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