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Song Parodies -> "Missed the Mark"

Original Song Title:

"Sink the Bismarck"

Original Performer:

Johnny Horton

Parody Song Title:

"Missed the Mark"

Parody Written by:

Stan Hall

The Lyrics

No offense, folks. Fact is, I first heard this story years ago from a Methodist minister friend and borrowed Johnny Horton's tune to retell it here today. :-)
"Missed the Mark"

Up from the grave arose the one believers call “the Son,”
the firmament His goal this trip -- ‘twas The Ascension.
Yes, He’d embarked at last, life slipped, His Father for to see,
had to check in with St. Peter first for he hold’s Heaven’s keys.

The gatekeeper, Pete, he asked “Good ride?” Jesus quipped “The sail was good,
tho’ the crossing was quite rough.” Said Peter, “Understood.”
“In any case ,” asked Jesus, “has Heaven room for me?”
and Saint Peter double-checked, then he smiled and said “Mais, oui!”

“Now,” the Son of God said, “Pete, I’ve got something to discuss.
Since Dad and I have never met, you see, the two of us,
must meet at last now that I’m here” – then Jesus gave a frown –
“but I’m not sure what He looks like or where He might be found.”

“Well, findin’ Him’s a chore,” said Pete, “He doesn’t stay
upon His throne but wanders His kingdom to survey,
the best that I can tell you, kid, is look around …
you’ll spot a guy who looks like he is lost in thoughts profound.

“An old man with a beard of white, God looks a little frail.
(Don’t let looks deceive you, He’s really pretty hale.)
He has so much to watch over, He sometimes seems at sea
if He doesn’t recognize you first, just shout “Hey, Dad, it’s me!”

“That simply does not add up,” said Tom Swift, a bit nonplussed,
and Jesus felt the same way, that "It would have been more just
for Dad to meet me at the gate, not make me track Him down
but I guess it’s up to me to find the geezer in his gown.”

Now, to the Son of God it seemed his search had just begun
before he spied a senior that He thought could be the one --
all bearded and bent, white-togaed, yet looking spry and sound.
He guessed it couldn’t hurt to ask in case ‘twas Dad he’d found.

So Jesus grabbed the gent as he was shuffling past,
Elated at the prospect He might meet his dad at last.
Said He, “I’m looking for my Dad, we’ve never met, you see,
But I’m told He looks a lot like you … could you, perhaps, be He?

The old man looked at Him and said “Well, I’ll be damned!
I had a son on Earth like you, with holes in feet and hands.”
Jesus nearly leapt for joy and shouted “Daddio!”
The old man grabbed and hugged the boy … and cried “Pinocchio!”

© Stan Hall ... pacing here overlays the OS, whose irregularities every fiber of my fingertips itched every instant to "correct." Arghhh. :-)

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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alvin - March 22, 2008 - Report this comment
LMAO...i blew milk out my nose (and i wasn't even drinking milk) favorite of the day
AFW - March 22, 2008 - Report this comment
Great story...this did not miss the mark
John Jenkins - March 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Stan, I have heard a slightly different version of this story in a Methodist Church, and I have told it a few times myself. You re-told it well.
Phil Alexander - March 23, 2008 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but I have told the joke on occasion.. I do love old jokes retold in parody :-)
littleCupCakes - March 24, 2008 - Report this comment
Great write!! And now we have the complete ~Johnny Horton~ Trilogy!
Stan - March 24, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, folks.
JJ -- the friend from whom I first heard this joke was at the time (mid-'70s) an ordained but churchless Methodist minister working as an inner city community organizer for the Catholic Church. It's been for me a favorite joke ever since, and this telling flowed readily working backwards from the last two lines which sprang unbidden into my head together with the OS tune. :-)

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