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Song Parodies -> "The Ballad Of Betty's Jeans"

Original Song Title:

"The Battle Of New Orleans"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Johnny Horton

Parody Song Title:

"The Ballad Of Betty's Jeans"

Parody Written by:

Airfarcewon

The Lyrics

She's un-lean, eighteen, and tops 400 pounds
She flips daily tongue-ies with a' lotta' fudgy rounds
Ingestin'..with no restin'.. jars a' colored jelly beans
While the bulgin' fights a battle in the back a' Betty's jeans..

Her cellulite keeps a' gallopin' and jumpin'
The denim stretches farther than a tailor'd ever sew..
The rivets scream, resistin' pressure lumpin'
Right to the edge of "Rippy"...where no fabric ought'a go
(golly gee! whoa, back..golly gee!)

Cells flow like a river
Rollin' ripples on her bum
Molded molecule vibrations buzz a..
Low volcanic hum..
Can almost taste
All the sugar and the salt.
She becomes a human earthquake,
From her own junk diet fault
(Two-three-four)

The cellulite goes a' gallopin' and jumpin'
With denim stretchin' farther than a tailor'd ever sew..
The rivets scream, resistin' pressure lumpin'
Up to the edge of "Rippy"...where no fabric ought'a go

Loves licorice, red..Kracker Jacks..throws out the prize
Appetite has no appeasement
She gets followed 'round by flies
When she sees fire,
She will ask, "What's cookin', Dude?"
'Less ya' wanna' see her evil side..
Ya' better say some - food..yeah,

Her cellulite keeps a' gallopin' and jumpin'
And denim stretches farther than a tailor'd ever sew..
The rivets scream, resistin' pressure lumpin'
Right to the edge of "Rippy"...where no fabric ought'a go

She was so bored, one Friday
That she ate fifty burgers,
And she drank forty slushes,
Then, still bored, she said, "I know.
There's a rink downtown,
Think I'll go roller skatin'."
She hopped aboard a municpal
Tilted, off they go..

Found skates, size fourteen,
Each one weighin' twenty pounds
When she heard the organ music..
She rolled off to make the rounds..
Her roller wheels were smokin' and
The floor was warped and bowed,
A nearby skater witness said,
He heard something explode..

Now cellulite's not a' gallopin' and jumpin'
When the denim broke it's limit..
I guess somethin' had to blow..
They held no wake, just placed her in..
A casket that was shut..
Had Kirstie Alley say some words
To eulogize her butt...

No cellulite's now, a' gallopin' and jumpin'
No denim stretches farther than a tailor'd ever sew..
No rivets scream, resistin' pressure lumpin'
She's passed the edge of "Rippy"...where no booty ought'a go

She's passed the edge of "Rippy"...where no booty ought'a go

(Hup-one-two-three. Hup-one-two-three)















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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

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 5   13
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User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - December 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Larger than life!! ;)
Harry - December 11, 2009 - Report this comment
I was laughing the whole parody. Grand (1000) chunk of parody! 555 lbs. Weird Al, watch out!
LilTiltingBuns - December 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Sir, L'Air de Fat, ~Duke oLard~, ~ Lord BiteHerMajor~ this is indeed funny ! Loved the "Tilt the Muni " line, Sir ~
Timmy1000 - December 11, 2009 - Report this comment
AFW - as usual, very descriptive and entertaining. Well written - laughs all the way through the story.
Burin'BettyBuns - December 11, 2009 - Report this comment
. . . just follow the ' leolard ', Sir !
AFW - December 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, OMR,..Harry, LCC, and Timmy
blackjack21 - December 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Bursting at the seams funny, well crafted parody.
JP - December 12, 2009 - Report this comment
Super funny. =)
AFW - December 12, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks to BlackJack, and JP
John Jenkins - December 12, 2009 - Report this comment
Very good story, particularly the "Loves .. Kracker Jacks..throws out the prize" line and the "Kirstie Alley/butt" couplet.
AFW - December 12, 2009 - Report this comment
Thankis to John
LilChalkCakes - December 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Sir L'Air de Farce, . . . aChalkin' over the Great Divide . . . over the mountain . . .

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