My parents stayed home and raised me well
And they instilled in me a fear of hell
And dragged me to the same Catholic mass since I was two
Now I don't wanna bash my dad's belief
But I don't know why it should cause me grief
That although he raised me Catholic, he's a Jew

Well, let me explain before you go floggin'
There ain't NOTHIN' wrong with some Synagogue-in'
And those who eat Kosher are some of the finest I knew
But you must understand I was made a fool
By damn near everyone back at Catholic School
Who found out that half of the people who raised me were Jews

Well, the place I went was filled with nuns
An' some were downright nasty ones
They'd beat you like a rug when you were bad
Now some were fat and some more were skinny
But most were fat and to say so was sin-y
And they said "Confess your sins" or God gets mad

Well, I couldn't tell them about my dad
So I told a friend, who I thought I had
He gasped and started praying hard for my soul
He prayed aloud to God, the boss
The nuns all heard and they got cross
And to this day I still think he's an a**-hole

Well, the nuns all thought I should be saved
And the preachers preached and the ravens raved
And the kids all started to treat me like a crook
I found it strange and it seemed a flaw
That Jews and Catholics have different laws
When a lot of what they read is from the same book

Well, I was beaten and told I'd never see heaven
And this was all before the age of eleven
That and some fame and you get your own show on E!
Was it my fault or not, I didn't care
I got real confused, it just wasn't fair
What's all this hatred and why's it directed at me?

Well, I swore God's name and I got real pissed
And I swore I'd become an atheist
Yeah, I turned my back on all this stuff untrue
My mind was set and it wouldn't move
They said "believe" but then couldn't prove
What word was right, well I don't know, do you?

And then there was my dear, old dad
Who I blamed the most for the life I had
Why didn't he just convert so I would fit in?
"You let me suffer, was it fun!?!”
He said, "That's not your business, son"
"You're damn right it is if the world thinks I'm a sin!”

And he said: "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough.”
I said, "Fine, but that's Johnny Cash speaking, not you!”
So he said: "Because it's who I am.
It's how I was raised by my old man.
I learned real early how to speak Hebrew.”

He said: "Besides, what Johnny said is true
And religion is something I can't explain to you
You have to see for yourself to be released
A war about religion will never end
'Cause it's about who has the best imaginary friend
And that's true whether it's in a school or in the Middle East

He said: "Now what happened to you was just plain wrong
When they made you feel like you don't belong
They take the word too serious is what they do
Faith isn't specific to what we think
It should feed our soul and give us strength
That's why it shouldn't matter if I'm a Jew”

And that's the moral about faith's design
It's not a way of life, just a guide-line
It's something you should feel more than learn is true
And I think about it now and then
Every time I try, it begins again
And if my son a priest should ever try to harass
I'm gonna kick that priest-
HARD and ANGRILY, but definitely squarely in the mass