I wake up Saturday mornin'
Like I wake up every mornin'..in my bed
And I know that if I hadn't woken up,
I wouldn't be here, I'd be dead...
Cuss and mumble in the closet,
At the feminine attire, last night, shed
Brush and comb my face and wash my hair
And tumble down the stairs,
Trip on my beard.

I'd lost a bet the night before
Dressed up in nets and thong,
With spiked heels clickin'
Had to strut thru downtown San Francisco,
Party with a queer guy, who was trickin'
All my buddies laughed like crazy,
But I did it..showed 'em that I wasn't chicken..
And Lord, it made me glad I'm straight laced,
'Cuz I don't think I was cut out to be gay..

On a Friday evenin's cross dress
Wishin' Lord, that I was cloned
I could let that other sucker
Do all this stuff that makes me groan..
My friends laugh so hard, they're cryin'
I can hear their snick'rin' sound
With my blond wig on, I glide walk,
Friday evenin's get me down

Told Jerome about the problem
'Bout my bet loss, I'm not really gay, or swingin'
He just looked at me, like I'm a fool
And sipped the dry martini..I was springin'
Then he stood up, kicked my crotch,
And I saw purple stars, heard tinkle bells a' ringin'
Limped outside and hailed a taxi..
Damn those idiotic bets on football games..

No more Friday evenin' drag queens
I'll stick to dollar bets I've known
It's no fun pretending I'm gay
And dangerous, it has been shown
Glad the wife's gone on vacation
My fam'ly jewels still ache and pound..
I'd be sleepin' on the sidewalk,
Friday evenin's get me down..

I'd be sleepin' on the sidewalk,
Friday evenin's get me down