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Song Parodies -> "You're Pristine"
Original Song Title:
"You're Sixteen"
Original Performer:
Johnny Burnette
Parody Song Title:
"You're Pristine"
Parody Written by:
Offender
The Lyrics
The increased coverage lately doesn't necessarily mean that there's actually more canoodling with the students going on, but I sure have been hearing a lot about this kind of thing lately.
Ooh, you're so cute I could scream,
You're my wet dream!
You're a student of mine.
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.
You're so cute I could hurl;
Look like a girl!
You're a boy, but that's fine.
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.
You're my favorite teacher's pet.
When I first saw you, I got so wet!
I touched you there, my heart flip-flopped,
And ooh, my shirt ripped, my trousers dropped!
So don't mind all my screams;
It's not what it seems:
Honey, you're doing just fine.
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.
[Stroking of orchestral instruments]
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.
[More stroking of orchestral instruments]
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.
Well, you're my favorite teacher's pet.
I've got to have you, so you I'll get.
I don't care if they stare and cough,
So come home with me; tear my clothes off!
And don't mind all my screams;
It's not what it seems:
Trust me, you're doing just fine.
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine
Well, you're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.
You're my wet dream!
You're a student of mine.
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.
You're so cute I could hurl;
Look like a girl!
You're a boy, but that's fine.
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.
You're my favorite teacher's pet.
When I first saw you, I got so wet!
I touched you there, my heart flip-flopped,
And ooh, my shirt ripped, my trousers dropped!
So don't mind all my screams;
It's not what it seems:
Honey, you're doing just fine.
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.
[Stroking of orchestral instruments]
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.
[More stroking of orchestral instruments]
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.
Well, you're my favorite teacher's pet.
I've got to have you, so you I'll get.
I don't care if they stare and cough,
So come home with me; tear my clothes off!
And don't mind all my screams;
It's not what it seems:
Trust me, you're doing just fine.
You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine
Well, you're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine.
Some people might wonder why I pick on school teachers instead of, say, Michael Jackson. My reply is: for all his fame or notoriety, he's one single man, and no one's forcing people to leave their kids in his care and protection all day.
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 1 | 2 | 1 | ||||||||
| 5 | 5 | 4 | 5 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
a little disturbing, but a fine parody without a doubt...5s
Offender, is this a continuation of your "I Hate My State Run F*ggot School" parody? I'm having a hard (bad choice of word there) time believing this is happening in public schools as you describe ( at "nine"?). I'm fairly sure you have some sources you could site for me because this is pretty disturbing content. Then again, this week at a local school a teacher was arrested for allegedly raping a 14 year-old girl. Another was arrested for being drunk in class. Not exactly positive role models.
Hey, it's a parody! The news stories I'm hearing are mostly the same as the one you mentioned--a 14-year-old boy here, a 15-year-old girl there and of course, who can forget what happened with Mary Kay Letourneau? (You may already have heard of the first two incidents: Debra Lafave and Jaymee Wallace, anyone?) Yes, this is sort of a continuation of that other song, but only as part of what I said there about doing a piece about "hetero" molestors too. The only current place I've heard of where the victims are as young as I suggest in this song, though, is South Africa.
"You're pristine, you're beautiful, and you're nine." You mentioned that you got that idea somewhere else. Have you figured out where yet?
Spaff.com - January 06, 2004 12:54:47 PM
From the rejected ideas list: "You're Pristine, You're Beautiful, and You're Nine."
Great job.
Your loss is my gain, as I like to say.
From the rejected ideas list: "You're Pristine, You're Beautiful, and You're Nine."
Great job.
Your loss is my gain, as I like to say.
The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.
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