You didn't say anything about the ice cream cones.

I would have started it with "Mickey D's--it's in my brain" to fit the pace better and change more of the original, but this ok for a start.

I'd have went with Sonic then you could use craze for internal rhyme with haze. I wrote this parody a few years back and called it Modem Hayes - a geek parody, but then what do you expect from a geek? All in all with some work and tips from more experienced writers you will find your own niche. There is good potential here and everyone likes food parodies since Weird Al did "Eat it" - So I'll give you a 4 on pacing - stretch the how funny to a 5 and over all you get a 5. Now that wil be $4.55 please drive to the next window.