No milk today, the cows have gone away
The farmer stands forlorn, he used to milk at dawn
No milk today, there came the strangest sight
Them cows went flying by in spaceships way up high

Wouldn't you know green ETs have all been
Examining with scopes and probing with machines
The Enquirer says that aliens were seen
Performing lewd and kinky acts bovine

No milk today, their udders all aglow
And much to our dismay, the sheep are acting gay

It's straight farm theft; all the geese, ducks most fowly
Spirited out in a green disc glowing round
It's such a crime when I think the poor collie
Was beamed up, beamed down

No milk today it wasn't over though
They beamed my Chevrolet, into Penobscot Bay
Crops were all flayed the pasture was enhanced
With lines and polygons, an art geometrance

Fox Mulder knows just what this message means
He postulates along his supernatural themes
How can we know what malice lurks unseen?
Might find a war with things superterrene!

No milk today the cows were led astray
It's bad news for the morn, milk prices raise at dawn

Now all that's left is a place charred and scary
A barbed wire fence that the army has set down
The farmland's prime but gov'ment's closed the dairy
Just now been un-cowed

No milk today the cows have gone away
The Little Blue Boy's horn is sounding all forlorn
No milk today 'cus Bossy's on a flight
And red rotating lights are blinking in the night

Wouldn't you know green ETs have all been
Examining with scopes and probing with machines
The Enquirer says that aliens were seen
Performing lewd and kinky acts bovine

No milk today, their udders all aglow
And much to our dismay, there's no more curds and whey

Farmers bereft now there's no more pasteurizing
Elmer and Else all their calves are now mutant
Now all that's left 'stead of homogenizing
Are ETs quite all lactose intolerant