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Song Parodies -> "The Snape Song"

Original Song Title:

"It Depends on What You Pay"

Original Performer:

From 'The Fantasticks'

Parody Song Title:

"The Snape Song"

Parody Written by:

Agrimorfee

The Lyrics

The scene takes place at the Potions Classroom at Hogwarts School.
(Slytherins:)
Snaaaa--aape!
Snaaaa-aaa-pe!
Snaaaa-aa-aaape!
Severus Snape
We see the nervous little first year types
We are the Slytherins, best believe the hype
Our Snape's our coach, we'll pass the Potions O.W.L. Test
'Cause Snape today is the Snape who's at his best

(Draco Malfoy:)
Just try to pass it
Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, Griffindors
I ...will take the bet
When you meet Professor Snape
You'll be just full of regret

You could be calling Snape pathetic
Or maybe calling Snape a blight
You might call Snape an idiot
Sending magic notes in flight
You'll be yakking about his jet black hair
All greasey and so gay
When you see Professor Snape
You should just run away
You should just go turn away

(Ron:)
The kids all hate him!
(Draco: You mudbloods should go away!)
The guys a meany!
(Draco: The mudbloods should all just--)

(Hermione:)
That heretical Snape
Praised you-know-who like a priest
He joined the circle
Of Death Eaters, he's such a beast!
(she imitates Snape:)"Attention, Ms. Granger!
Whispering secrets?
Keep your eyes on your cauldron
We're not through yet!"

(Harry:) What a rotter!

(Hermione:)
Now can't you see it?
Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Griffindor
Why...they out and fret
When they're stuck in a class with Snape
He makes us feel all so wet

(Various students join in:)
You will be fearing Snape on Monday
And you'll hate him on Tuesday
And get big point deductions on Wednesday
And on Thursday, what a plight!
After you flunk your test on Friday
You'll just want to run away!

(Ron:)So now, when you get the Snape
You should just hope and pray
That he will call in sick each day

(Various:)
He's such a meany!
You'll just want to run away!
Wish he would sod off!
I would like to kick his--

Our tragic Snape
He'll grab any chance to smack your cheek (Slytherins: "Bla bla bla bla!)

(Hermione:) Pedantic Snape
When he was younger was a twerpy geek!
(Harry:) Oh that's too bad!

(Ron:)Pathetic Snape
All alone in his cold den room

(Harry, joining the fun:) A skunk is Snape
I'd like to blow him up like a toy balloon ...Engorgio!

(Mad Student:)
That Snape is a creep, man!
Let's fix his wagon
Give Snape a nice gift
A horn-tailed dragon!

(Hermione:) That would be expensive, costs up to 1 grand!
But we can vilify Snape
(Ron:) Let's just protest, just like Muggles can!
(Hermione:) You understand!
(Ron:) I understand
(Harry:) Let's take a stand!
(Hermione, Harry & Ron:) Let's take a stand!
Let's call up Dumbledore and make demands!

(During music break, Harry, Ron & Hermione rally the Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws and Griffindors...)

(Harry:) Let's try to do it!
(All but Slytherins:) Let's do it! Let's do it!
Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, Griffindors
Why? We are upset
When you deal with Professor Snape
We can never ever forget

(Harry: Snaaaa-aaape! [continuously])
(All but Slytherins:)
'Cause we think that Snape 's pathetic
Yes, we think that Snape's a blight
And we think that Snape's an idiot
We now call a student strike!
Let's bring all things back on track
And cut him off now from all pay,
Let us kick Professor Snape out of Hogwart's today
Let us kick Professor Snape out of Hogwart's today
Let us kick Professor Snape out of Hogwart's today
Out of Hogwart's today...

(sung on counterpoint)His hair so stringy
Let's get rid of him today!
The kids will love it

(All:) Let us all say, Adieu!
(Ron:) And don't even think of letting him have Defense Of The Dark Arts Class!

(All:) Sna-aaape!

(Snape enters and shouts:) SILENCE!
cOPYRIGHT 2007, aGRIMORFEE. DKTOS? There is a complete performance of the OS (with poor audio) at Youtube.Some liberties had to be taken with pacing here, but I could not pass up the rhyme of "Griffindors" to "senors" in the OS..among other things.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.6
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 1
 2
 
 2   1
 1
 0
 
 3   1
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 1
 1
 
 5   5
 6
 6
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - September 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Magically funny!
Stephen Harrington - September 19, 2007 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but I'll trust you on pacing. Not very familiar with Harry potter, but it was a very ammusing read. 555
Rex - September 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow. This is amazing.
TJC - September 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow! I had a rictus, er, Rickman across my face throughout the whole Hilarious Hogwartzian Sendup!!
John Jenkins - September 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Very good parody, very good conclusion.
Agrimorfee - January 18, 2008 - Report this comment
Readers, the Youtube link above is now invalid (Private? Wha?) See/hear it now at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a0Y8Q2qIQE
Agrimorfee - January 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Try http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5U-LwpK16Q
Agrimorfee - August 29, 2019 - Report this comment
NOTE FOR CASUAL READERS-- this parody is based on the original song's now non-PC repeated usage of the word "rape". In the context of the original production of the stage musical The Fantasticks, "rape" was meaning more of an abduction, not as a sexual assualt; most revivals and productions of the show have now changed the lyrics substantially. By which, this ruins most of the comedic drive of THIS parody, because the name "Snape" here was used as the sub for "rape". So...take from it what you will in that context, or else seek the Original Cast Album, which is likely available in many spots throughout your Internet world. Editorial completed.

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