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Song Parodies -> "If I Were a Wise Man"

Original Song Title:

"If I Were a Rich Man"

Original Performer:

Fiddler on the Roof Soundtrack

Parody Song Title:

"If I Were a Wise Man"

Parody Written by:

Susanna Viljanen

The Lyrics

Milkman Tevye wished to be a rich man in the Fiddler on the Roof. But what if he had wished for some intelligence instead of wealth?
"Dear God, you made many, many rich people.
I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be boorish.
But it's no great honor either!
So, what would have been so terrible if I had some Yiddish kop?"

If I were a wise man,
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.
All day long I'd read the science books -
If I were a brainy man.
I wouldn't be an airhead -
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy wise,
Clever-brainy-geeky-nerdy man

I'd have a big tall library, shelves by the dozen
they'd be filled with lots of books
with every subject you can imagine, right
There would be Bible, Talmud, history, science
encyclopedia just for looks
and I would spend there every day and night!

I would speak eight foreign languages plus Hebrew and Latin
I'd do physics, math and chemistry
In the night I would know all of the stars by names -
And I could write machine code and build me a lab
I could fix all kinds of gadgetry
And go and chess would be my favourite games!

If I were a wise man,
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.
All day long I'd read the science books -
If I were a brainy man.
I wouldn't be an airhead -
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy wise,
Clever-brainy-geeky-nerdy man

I'd see my wife, my Golde, looking like a wise man's wife
with the proper glasses on her nose,
Supervising meals and a gourmet dish -
I'd love the pizza and burgers, but the proper kosher kitchen
would not be a total loss
as she would know how to make gefilte fish!

The most important men in town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them,
Like a Croesus the Rich
"If you please, Reb Tevye..."
"Pardon me, Reb Tevye..."
Posing problems that would give the rabbi a b*tc*!

And it won't make one bit of difference if i answer right or wrong.
When you're wise, they think you really know!

If I were wise, I'd have the brains that I lack
to sit in the library and read.
And maybe write parodies in the Am-I-Right?
And edit Wikipedia and do dissertation and
then become a PhD
and then win Nobel Prize - oh what a sight!

If I were a wise man,
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.
All day long I'd read the science books -
If I were a brainy man.
I wouldn't be an airhead -
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
Lord who mad the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?
If I were a brainy man!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Barry J. Mitchel - March 12, 2013 - Report this comment
SV: You obviously have a smart brain; but now you want to have a gender alteration? ;^)
John Barry - March 12, 2013 - Report this comment
A richly rewarding parody.
Patrick - March 12, 2013 - Report this comment
Unlike money, wisdom cannot be devalued by some central banking cartel. Wish I could speak a second language well enough to write such clever parodies in it.
Susanna Viljanen - March 12, 2013 - Report this comment
Barry, Hopefully not! I just imagined what Tevje might think today if he had wished to be intelligent instead of rich.

Patrick and John: The best thing with wisdom is that it is an accumulating asset. Unlike money, it cannot be frittered away.
Lifeliver - March 12, 2013 - Report this comment
Well done, Susanna. It's a great OS tp play round with. I messed with it a few months ago.

The concept of making Tevye want to be smart instead of rich is a sound one, and you substituted some good ideas. But keeping him as the protagonist meant there are a lot of things you can't change. You obviously don't have to wish you were a brainy woman - you already are.

If you can be bothered checking out my version, it's at http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/topolfiddlerontheroofsoundtrack0.shtml
Old Man Ribber - March 12, 2013 - Report this comment
Susanna - Oy gevalt! Such a song! This is very appropriate because of Tevye's respect for learning. Moreover, Solomon didn't ask God for wealth, long life, or the death of his enemies. He asked for wisdom. Mazeltov! ;D

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