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Song Parodies -> "If I Were the Sauron"

Original Song Title:

"If I Were a Rich Man"

Original Performer:

Fiddler on the Roof Soundtrack

Parody Song Title:

"If I Were the Sauron"

Parody Written by:

Susanna Viljanen

The Lyrics

If I were the Sauron -
Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul - the evil overlord,
All day long I'd plan to conquer world
if I were the Sauron - mwah!
I would crush the Eldar -
Ash nazg thrakatulûk agh - burzum-ishi krimpatul
if I were Tar-Mairon, overlord
Evil, evil, Sauron, the Dark Lord

I'd make a score of magic Rings of the Power -
seven of them I would give to Dwarves -
Nine of them I would give to the Human kings
There would be one big ring to rule them all
and lots of Orcs to bring them down -
every Man and Elf and Dwarven-things!

I'd build a tall black tower in the middle of the Mordor
there I'd breed a lot of Orcs
I would go and crush Men of Númenor -
And I would then slay all of the Noldor
and finish all the Dwarves -
in Moria I would send a balrog -

If I were the Sauron -
Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul - the evil overlord,
All day long I'd plan to conquer world
if I were the Sauron - mwah!
I would crush the Eldar -
Ash nazg thrakatulûk agh - burzum-ishi krimpatul
if I were Tar-Mairon, overlord
Evil, evil, Sauron, the Dark Lord

I'd vanguish all of the peoples East, South and Northern
they would worship me as god -
I would conquer all of the Middle-Earth
Then I would build a fleet, oh so mighty
and set my sails to the West
and I'd crush the Valar - what a mirth!

The most important Men and Elves all will come to me
They will kow-tow prone at my feet
I would outdo Morgoth -
"If you please, Tar-Mairon"
"Pardon me, Tar-Mairon"
I might slay them anyway, if I get bored...

And it won't make one bit of difference
If I answer right or wrong
When you're Sauron, the Dark Lord, you know

There would be no Mount Doom for hobbits to access
If left alone for any time:
I would hack down all Ents that do survive
and I alone would rule the whole world -
and Eru, I would flip the bird
I would rule everything that is alive!

If I were the Sauron -
Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul - the evil overlord,
All day long I'd plan to conquer world
if I were the Sauron - mwah!
I would crush the Eldar -
Ash nazg thrakatulûk agh - burzum-ishi krimpatul
Everyone would speak Black Speech - indeed!
Everyone would know my mighty deeds
Everyone would recongnize my creed
If I were the Sauron, the Dark Lord!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

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 5   7
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User Comments

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AFW - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Oh, my Lord of the Rings! This is quite a tale..I never got into the hobbit of following it much, but you make it sound interesting..
Susanna Viljanen - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Actually I spiced it with some Silmarillion as well :-) "Tar-Mairon" was Sauron's original name, meaning "admirable". The name "Sauron" which Men, Dwarves and Elves used, means "abhorred" in Elvish.
John Barry - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Boring, the "Ring"s, but I enjoyed the parody.
Rob Arndt - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Brilliant again Susanna-555! Sauron btw was the name of the Bofors free-fall atomic bomb meant for the Swedish Saab A-36 fighter-bomber. In the 1960s the Swedish atomic bomb program was cancelled. FYI...
Lifeliver - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Never before have I heard the words of that tongue uttered in the cyber halls of AIR (except by you occasionally). I'm sure you do not beg our pardon, Ms Viljanen. The Black Speech of Mordor may yet be heard in every parody of the site. (I hope not, lol). Impressive erudition but I'd need a voice coach to be able to sing it.
If you consider that Sauron was merely the servant of Morgoth in the First Age, that must have been one bad dude, who made balrogs and dragons before breakfast.
Incidentally I tried this OS a few days ago, just in case your interested to compare, but I couldn't have come up with anything like this. Btw, for vanguish read 'vanquish'. I understand English is not your first language, which makes your achievement even more impressive. 555s just for difficulty level.
Michael Pacholek - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Sauron, feh! But I'm kvelling over this.
Patrick - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
Some of those lines are real tongue twisters. If imposing his language on you doesn't work, this sounds like the sort of dude who would twist your tongue with forceps.
Meriadoc - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
I loved the addition of the Morder-speak in there and my fave line was:

I might slay them anyway, if I get bored...
Callmelennie - December 06, 2012 - Report this comment
I may be going out on a limb here, Susanna dear, but this may be one of the finest LOTR parodies ever penned in English by a native of Finland

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