A holiday, a feasting day, and the first one of the year.
In the diner sat McDonald's wife, with a burger and root-beer.

And when the eating it was done, she cast her empties down,
And there she saw huge fatty Groves, all wobbly and round.

"Come home with me, huge fatty Groves, come dine with me tonight.
Come home with me, huge fatty Groves, and dine with me till light."

"Oh, I can't come home, I won't come home and dine with you tonight,
By the chins on your collar I can tell you are McDonald's wife."

"What if I am McDonald's wife? To the best of my belief,
He's at Mc.G.M. AgroPharm, who engineer our beef."

And a server who was standing by and hearing what was posed,
He swore McDonald should return before the restaurant closed.

And though he rushed to send the news, he was not truly vexed,
He whipped his trusty cellphone out and sent Mc.D. a text

Huge fatty Groves, he lay down and took a little sleep.
When he awoke, McDonald he was standing at his feet.

Saying "how do you like my quarter pounder? how do you like my fries?
And how do you like my lady wife who in your arms still lies?"

"Oh, well I like your burgers vast, and better I like your chips,
But best I like your lady gay who makes such tasty dips."

"Well, eat up, eat up," McDonald cried, "eat up as fast you can!
It'll never be said in fair England that I slew a hungry man."

"Oh, I can't eat up, I have no bread to put my greek cheese on.
I see you have two swanky rolls with a sausage inside one."

"Well it's true I have two wheaten rolls and they cost me deep in the purse.
But you can have your feta in one and I will have the wurst."

"And you will chug the feta roll, and wolf it down in one.
And I will eat the bratwurst roll, our gorge race has begun."

So fatty ate the very first roll, and choked instead of swallowed,
McDonald struck him on the back and fatty's demise followed

And then McDonald took his wife and he sat her on his lap
Saying, "how do you like huge fatty there, who expires at a bap?"

And then up spoke his own dear wife, her scorn was not disguised
"I'd rather a chip from dead fatty's lips than a big mac or southern fries."

Then McDonald he jumped up and loudly he did yell,
He force-fed her a happy meal, now she was dead as well.

"A gravy boat" McDonald cried, "to drench these lovers in.
But serve my lady's from the top, for she always liked the skin."