Are you loaf-some tonight
Is your sofa a fright
Have you worn a big hole in your couch?
Have you watched sports all day
Cheering play after play
Does your wife call you "lounge lizard slouch"?
Are there stains on the cushion from beer that you've spilled
When she sees these conditions
Will you then be killed?
Is the clicker nearby
Did you eat all the pie
Tell me dear, are you loaf-some tonight?

spoken:
No wonder you're loaf-some tonight--
you know the couch has a permanent dent
where you have worn it down
There's popcorn neath the cushions and sticky goo
Act One-that microwave stuff, I see at first glance
Act Two-There's garbage scattered all over this room
Where's the coffee table?
Honey, you lied when you said you'd mow the lawn today
You probably had good intentions
But you plopped down and there you stayed
Now the fridge is bare and I'm standing here
With junk food strewn all around
And if you don't get up right now
The ceiling's going to be coming down

Is your will all made out
You inane, worthless lout?
Tell me dear, are you loaf-some tonight?