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Song Parodies -> "Blonde-shy Superman"

Original Song Title:

"Sunshine Superman"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Blonde-shy Superman"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Thought I'd try something strictly autobiographical. I don't know what it is, but blondes can't seem to leave me alone, especially famous ones for some reason. It's just my cross to bear, I guess. And Mary Tyler Moore still doesn't even know I exist.

Shaz Stone came softly through my window today
Coulda skipped out easier but I've Faye Dunaway
Shelley Long time, I know it! 'Back in a while!'
(You're gonna be fine, don't blow it! Dump 'em in style)
Cos they've made their minds up they're going to be mine
I'll tell you right now
Any trick in the book now, save me, their pick-up lines

Genghis Khan or Charles Manson ain't got problems like me
I could make like Tom Turtle and dive for some perversity
I can just sit there a-thinkin': 'Suzanne Sommers? Groan!!'
Yes? 'Angel makes rainbows, so you can!' (Cheryl Ladd on the phone)
Cam'ron, Reese and Scarlett, Ang'lina - it's a grind
I'll tell you right now
Goldilocks wants to hook me baby, porridge in mind.

Every blonde is hustlin' just to have a love-me scene
When I say 'Let's be cool' they think that … you know what I mean
I stood up a bitch at sunset, I don't remember who
Not Cocoa Beach with Genie? Made Farrah so blue
When they've made their minds up forever to be mine
A roll in the sand so slowly, Bo Derek's inclined
Michelles Phillips, Pfeiffer: 'He's going to be mine.'
I tell them right now
Go write a good book, and maybe, I'll keep you in mind

Superman is green, landin', ain't got blonde on his knee
I could make like the Turtle, and strive for pace-perfect agree (Yep?)
Yuliya* you can just sit there a-shrinkin', Ukraine prison throne.
'I'll make you a rainbow, rasslin' ', Ellie May breaks my bone
Bleached Nancy Sinatra, Britt Eklund, biding time
She picked up my hand, implored me (Grace Kelly) to dine
Kim Novak, Jayne Mansfield and Marilyn would pine
I''m so in demand, they'd order me canned, those oldies, the platinum kind!
Blow my little mind
* Yuliya Timoshenko, the 'oil princess' and former Prime Minister of Ukraine, is famed for her striking, fully braided luxurious blonde locks (kinda rare among heads of state). She's now serving a prison sentence for abuse of privilege for channeling millions in public funds into her oil cartel. Last I heard she was on a hunger strike, hence 'shrinking'. You can wiki it for further details.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

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John Barry - November 09, 2012 - Report this comment
Nothing dumb about this parody.
Michael Pacholek - November 09, 2012 - Report this comment
A natural parody. I'm just glad Catherine Zeta-Jones didn't play Lana Turner -- My Precious just wouldn't be right as a blonde.
2Eagle - November 09, 2012 - Report this comment
Now let's hear it for the guys - Paul Newman, William Shatner, Charlton Heston...
Dave W. - November 09, 2012 - Report this comment
....... Blonde Alert ! Blonde Alert !......I've Faye Dunaway Shelly Long time - love that.......and I would sure like to jump Ellie Mays' bones(if ya' know what I mean)...........
AFW - November 11, 2012 - Report this comment
Maybe this will start a blonde rush, sell more peroxide, and help the economy...
Lifeliver - November 12, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks all for v/c. The 23 blondes (counting Goldilocks) mentioned here were random and I could probably come up with another 23, but I'm mostly 'old-school'. Sorry if I missed any of your favorites.

@2Eagle re. the blonds, please be my guest. I'd like to see that.

@ Michael I thought of Lana, but had to Turner away when Farrah turned on her Fawcett. It's not easy being a Goldie Hawn.
Meriadoc - November 12, 2012 - Report this comment
I got a special kick out of the Tommy lines thrown in there. Hope he gets by to see this. :)
Lifeliver - November 13, 2012 - Report this comment
@ Merry Thanks for comment. Actually Tommy Turtle would like it known that he's 'indisposed' at the moment for various personal reasons but hopes to respond to plugs, namechecks, comments etc. in the foreseeable future. His perspicacity is certainly missed here.
Actually Prefers BruneTTes - November 19, 2012 - Report this comment
(True.) Or "shear" white or black, if you get my drift. ... ;)

Great concept and execution. Modestly avoiding the lines cited by Merry, faves were the unexpected: Goldilocks, and the ref to the made-in-Los-Angeles Jeannie. How some of us laughed at seeing the Santa Monica mountains in the background of the shots of "Cocoa Beach" (max elev. ~ 17' /5m above sea level). ... where the early astronauts were in fact housed.

Only teensy nano-nitpick might be keeping a few too many of TOS phrases unchanged. Syllable-matching them would be ideal; keeping unchanged might be used more sparingly, although admittedly that's always a tough call. OTOH, "I stood up a b*tch at sunset" is the Holy Grail -- changing only one phoneme in a single word changes the OS line's meaning entirely. [1] Kudos!

How fortuitous (for both of us, lol) that TOS contains the line,
"I can make like a turtle and dive for your pearls in the sea"
  Gee, I wonder what Donovan meant by that line? ;-D   Could it have anything to do with the fact that turtles can hold their breath and go down for three hours at a time? xD Anyway, 555 for a great job, even without the shout-outs -- and thanks for those.

[1] Sort of like
"But the man there said the ewe's sick; wouldn't play"
Lifeliver - November 20, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks for the detailed appraisal, TT. I had a sneaking suspicion you might like it. Yeah, that 'Holy Grail' line was my favorite, too - I felt like the cat that ate the cream putting that one down.

In hindsight, as usual, there are a few things I'd burnish a little, e.g. 'Goldilocks wants to cook for baby' (being fictional, I thought she'd be safer than Shirley Temple), and 'No, it's obscene' for 'know what I mean', but on the whole I thought it was one of my better ones.
TT - November 21, 2012 - Report this comment
Yeah, one can always go back and find better subs, which is why Your Humble Servant tends to "sleep on them" for a day or two, unless urgently topical. I thought Goldy-hook-with-porridge was good use of the fairy tale. "No, it's obscene" and similar changes to TOS would have been a boost, but overall, agree with your assessment in the final clause of above reply.

That cat-ate-cream feeling when putting down a zinger is what makes this so addictive -- which is why this addict needs to stay on the wagon a while longer. ;-D

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