Here's my story, sad but true
About a girl who's like Shamu
She waddled up and sat right down
On every single guy in town...

Ah, she came on strong with those big "kiss me" lips
But guys would wind up with some broken hips
If you don't want to end up black and blue
A-keep away from 800 pound Sue

Almost got sick from that vial of Jose
Some drunk gave me that should have told him no way
Don't get so drunk you can't drive, if you do
You'll get a taste of eight hundred pound Sue

Ah, she never gets off the ground
Comes of weighing eight-hundred pound
So people let me put you wise
Sue goes - squashing 'em like flies

If you're mortal don't ignore the plain advice i give
Steer clear of her if you want to live
Ask Fred the ghoul why his life is through, he'll say
"The killer weight of 800 pound Sue"

She is enormous and round, yeah
She'll drive your ass into the ground
People let me set you wise
The camping store carries her dress size

So the forklift and the lorry in my driveway shows
I fell in love and her butt still grows
My skinny tool's fat-free lever grew, it's true -
I can do that Eight Hundred Pound Sue!

(hey!hey!bumthatmakesaquakehey!hey!bumthatmakesaquake....)