Good parody... You were born on April Fool's Day? Wow... I guess your birthdays have been pretty exciting.. lol

I voted and commented on your other parody. Yeah, I noticed that your name was spelled with two i's. But again, it was a good one. 5-5-5.

MrMacphisto - Yep, probably a sign that I was born to write parodies. Serafina, thanks again! I re-posted so I could get it incorporated onto my Author's page.

i'm adopting this one as a personal anthem...great job

Paul...you know I love you...and it is only because you are always so kind to me and quick with the flattering comments that I am willing to overlook the word "moroser," which made the English Major nerd side of me cringe. Luckily, that very same word...along with the rest of the parody...made the other, much more cool, side of me giggle...5-5-5!

Thanks Alvin, you & me both. Arwen, I was just using my "poetic license" (I got a "Learner's Permit" for it just the other day). Besides, what's fun about using "moroser" there how totally bad and wrong that is grammar-wise, particularly when combined with the word "more" in front of it. In fact, it's DESIGNED to make an English Major wince...and then laugh. "more moroser" -- I like it.

Yeah...I definitely think that "more moroser" is more better than just plain moroser!

Paul - excellent!!! Made us feel every ache and pain and lost teeth. :D 5's

I agree with Arwen - I like the creativity of "more moroser."

Arwen, yeah, it's very alliterative (or maybe "illiterative" in this case?). Adagio & John J - Thanks!

This parody is recommended reading for gerontologists.

Tim Hall - Seriously, that's not a bad idea. Thanks.

Happy Birthday belatedly, Paul, in case I missed it first time 'round!

Thanks, Johnny D! Not sure if you missed it or not. Heck, not sure if I missed it or not...(I said "Heck"...heh, heh)...

(ABC) Good job! And speaking of birthdays, the world needs more Arieses! (Except there would probably be more freeway shootings... :-O )

Mer - Not from me, I don't own any guns. However, I do throw a rather sharp epithet now and then...So may I presume you are also an Aries?

Maybe.... ;-)

Happy belated 54th, you April Fool. I really enjoyed this, particularly the many unexpected rhymes. And fart jokes are a dime a hundred-dozen, but the one here is great.

Spaff - Thanks, glad you liked it. Mer - hmmm...mysterious as always...it's not like knowing your sign would narrow things down all that much. But that's ok, only tell as much as you're willing for folks to know.

Nice one, Paul - reminds me of that Billy Connolly song "Jesus Christ I'm nearly forty", which contains one of my favourite couplets:
I can't play squash or go out jogging, for fear my heart is going to burst
I think that beds were made for sleeping, and that's a whole lot bloody worse

(ABC) Paul, I was hoping that I voted for this one...lolol...it's really funny. (I did vote)

(ABC) See above! Still a classic!

(ABC)Classy bit of writing, evn farts can be classy...i think my parents and inlaws could really relate to it...in some ways I relate to it now, but 'm twenty-one years younger than you...something must be wrong with me. ;) Anyway 555.

Phil/Adagio/Johnny D/Agrimorfee - Wow! I KNOW I commented on these votes last night! Maybe I never hit "Submit Comment" (??) Oh, well. Thank you all for stopping in. I vaguely recall going off on some sort of "memory-lane" tangent in response to Agrimorfee's comment. Well, I'll slice and dice it down this morning: It's possible you are relating to this to some extent now because deep in the darkest, scariest, remotest corner of your mind you know that SOME DAY you will most likely BE 54. Cheer up! It's really not so bad...

This is a contender Paul. Trouble is, I am relating too much to it! Hmmmm!

Not bad. In the top half.

Per & Jeff R - Thanks!

DKOS but a good read regardless. Damn I hope I don't get old. :-)

Mystery Goat - Thanks, as far as I know there is no cure for getting older except dying younger - a sucky choice but it's one we have to live with.

Very good, I agree that was one exceptional fart joke there. But I gotta ask--speaking as a mailman--where the hell do you get old people who want you to go away? The ones I see all day just wanna blabber all day long about their socks and crap.

Claude - Well, it's generally only when they are not feeling all that well (I mean REALLY not feeling well, not just kvetching about aches and pains - that's really just making conversation when you get past a certain age; ice-breakers). Also, there is some psychology here: See, as a mailman, they know you have to be other places and that the time you can spend with them is limited. So they can yak at you and get a little feed-back and then know you are probably not going to regale them with YOUR story, or that if you do it will be a brief one. Not so with friends and relatives over for a visit...Now sometimes one is truly happy to see & have company, or conversely to visit someone and spend some time talking about stuff - but not always...

Hi, Paul, great work on this one! 5s. Missed this while I was AWOL this past month or so, so happy belated! Ping pong, eh? Fantastic game, used to play it all the time, hardly ever lost until I came to Sacramento in '82 and got my clock cleaned by a group that had toured China and played their team. I haven't played much since, but it's kinda like riding a bike, you don't forget. Maybe I'll get back into it. Thanks for the reminder!

Rod, Thanks! Glad you liked it. Love to play ping-pong. Hadn't had anyone competitive to play with (or any place to play around here) in quite a while. Then a colleague at work and I hooked up and we were just about even. We played about 2, maybe three times a month for a while, but he transferred to another location when the company told us they were dismantling our unit. So I'm on the sidelines again. Hey, if there is some place to play up there maybe we could somehow connect for a few games next time I take a trip up North. I saw a comment that said you were in Auburn? I'n not sure where that is. My trip would take me from L..A. via the 101 to San Jose so I could stop in at the Espresso Gardens to check out Rick & Mari D, so that would have to be on a Thursday. I would be taking a room that night in San Jose. My next destination would be Willits, about 150 miles or so North of San Francisco up in "The Heart of Mendocino County" (I believe that is on a banner type sign on the main street running thru Willits). I would head up there on Friday. If there was a way to make it work I could stop in Auburn or thereabouts on Friday and take a room there overnight and head up to Willits on Saturday instead. Let me know if you are interested, it probably won't be until at least August before I make this trip.

That would be fun, Paul, if I won, otherwise we might have to throw pies or something. I'll sniff around and see where some of the pp places are these days. Auburn, btw, is 30 mi NE of Sacramento. Will be back in touch, fellow geezer.

Thanks, Rod. Sound good, I think an extra stop with a little friendly competitive edge would be just about perfect for my next trip. If you want to contact me directly my e-mail address is over in the "MessageBoard" section in the Members List - go to "PRobinson" and you'll see it. Thanks...

Paul, to access the messageboard, you have to reister your e-mail address etc. I am having problems with malware/scumware, am doing some tests, and will not be releasing my e-mail address for awhile (or ever again!). Do you still use phone/fax? Tin can & wire?

Rod, I just looked over there and if you register as a Guest you must give a valid e-mail, but there is an option box to hide the e-mail from Public View. So the only folks who would have it would be the site Admin folks here. I don't believe they disclose these things to anyone outside the site but to be sure you could inquire. I'll take a look over there and see if I can steer you to who you might inquire WITH and post something here later on that. Of course I do have home phone, and I could give that to you somehow, although I wouldn't want to post it up in a message thread here. I think this PC might be FAX receipt capable but I haven't explored that area yet. Nobody has mentioned faxing anything to me since I got it about 4 months ago. I'll take a look at my manuals and let you know about that. I'm sure we can work something out if you don't want to use the MessageBoard area. I have used it before for a few messages and it I don't believe it discloses much to the recipient of a "Personal Message".

Paul, check out one of my comments to Rick on the other thread we have going. As for Gorka, I think I might have something by him. What about the good ole Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, and in particular, their 3 "Circle" albums?

Rod, I know a bit of the old NItty Gritty Dirt Band Stuff. In fact I used to know (although not too well) one of the musicians in that band. Fellow named Les Thompson who played harmonica among other things. He was a friend of a couple of "desperate for work" Jazz musicians who landed at the Car Wash my family owned in the mid-1970's and he dropped by a few times when it was kind of slow to amuse and entertain his buddies and anyone else who happened to be around. I'll never forget the time 'ole Les came by when we were closed due to rain. We had an enclosed walkway area and I was counting up the meager receipts taken in that day prior to the rain while the Jazz guys and Les bantered. Someone commented on how depressing the weather was, especially when it interferred with earning even the meager living car wash wages allowed one to eke out. So we were all a bit melancholy. Les goes, "Hey, you know what I used to do when things got like this at a show?". He looks around to see if anyone else can see us and pulls out his harmonica, points to the mouth piece area and says "I'd fill these slots with coke". Then he sniffs from one end of it to the other, looks around again to make sure no one can see, then pulls out his member and starts blowing away like crazy on the harmonica while taking a few vigorous strokes on Peter Small. After I looked around to make sure we weren't all about to be arrested and have the business shut down for lewd behavior I fell out like everyone else. It's not the same now with mostly quiet, docile, hard-working illegal immigrants but the Car Wash business used to be a rather wild & wooly affair back then. I met some of the most incredible characters that you could possibly imagine - had a lot of laughs between all the hard work and some of the sad situations a lot of those folks were in.

Are you still in that line of work? If so, I wonder, do you need anyone out back to do burnouts with customer cars?

Rod, No, sorry, my family sold the last of them in about 1976. I did another year stint as General Manager back at Crenshaw Car Wash in 1986-1987 when my cousin had to take it back and then had to fire his kids who he had running it. They were screwing it up big-time. After it sold again I decided to hang up my jersey...you gotta be retired 5 years before the "Hall of Fame" will consider ya, you know. Just kidding there, of course...

Darn! Hey, is it true that John Gorka used to work at a car wash in the L.A. area?

Rod, Don't know about that. I remember we had a John GALYON at one time, but he didn't look anything like Gorka. We had a lot of would-be or once-were musicians there over the years. Hey, with musicians anything is possible. It's a rough gig, sometimes. As I mentioned, we had a few very competent players - A stand-up bass player named Crutcher and a drummer who used to play behind Lenny Bruce in the 50's - ('rim shots', ya know) - Gary Frommer, working for us at the time as Asst. Mgr. and Gas Pumper/Ticket writer respectively. On a more serious musical level Frommer was Art Pepper's drummer on some very respected albums from that era. A five-year stretch in Carson City Penitentiary (Nevada) for possession of the evil weed, marijuana, plus a somewhat excessive drinking habit had dulled his skills and hurt his reputation somewhat...like I said, some of the stories were rather sad...But we also had a high-school kid, a flautist, who I believe ended up playing in the London Philharmonic Orchestra later on. I won't mention his name here, he might some reason he wouldn't want it here, and since it was just a summer & week-end type job...We also used to have a few members of the Harlem Globetrotter "B" team (the one they sent to small towns on the tours). I remember Otis Hawkins and Willie Anderson, very nice guys, too. They didn't make enough on the "Globbies" B team to support their families year-round so they had to take what jobs they could find when the tour season was over. Back then Car Washes had men soaping down the cars in the middle of the operation as it was pushed through along the conveyor line. They had to wear hip boots and aprons to avoid getting drenched, maybe a cap for their head, depending on the weather, and had these over-sized soaping mitts that you fit your hand into. Tall guys were a plus in that position because they could reach all the places without too much trouble. Nowadays most places have something like felt strips that ocillate slowly back and forth across the car as the soap is being applied. They move slowly so as to not cause damage but when they are wet they are quite heavy and actually do a very good job of loosening and removing dirt and stuff. Of course a lot places don't even use those now since many customers do not like any sort of machinery touching their very expensive auto investments these days, preferring all the washing and drying to be done by hand. I haven't looked to see if those places have guys back in those soaping areas doing that stuff. I kind of hope not. I don't think it's really a very healthy thing to do, especially in colder weather. Anyway, that's our Car Washing history lesson for today...

Call me Galyon if you want, all I know is that Croce had it right! Long hours and low wages. The burn-out contests were fun, though!

John G - so it sounds like you had a little "L.A. Car Wash experience"? Yup, I also agree with Croce on those points. Even for the Owner/Operator/Mgr. or whatever...it's a six-day work week for them and when stuff breaks you stay there until it's fixed so you can operate the next day. I don't care much for some of the current owners, a lot of them don't give the slightest damn about the worker's. I thought that back in my day most owner's had some concern for them. I know my Dad did, however paternal it might have been. I remember when I was about 13 and first started working at the one in North Hollywood on the weekends and in the summer that on some days we would drive over to a location in South Central near where a few of the guys lived and pick them up and then at night drop them off. Sometimes there were some pretty interersting conversations, although not as interesting as the one's I heard when I was 16 and Dad was laid up in the hospital with a bad back. I ran one of the smaller locations we had over on Sherman Way and Fulton in No. Hollywood. I only had a learner's permit at the time so our Asst. Mgr., Matthew, would pick me up and I'd ride out there with the guys. I heard some things that wouldn't make the censor cut here today. It was great fun. OH...had a cousin that owned a few places in the L.A. area, too. Harold Tarlov - he owned Montebello Car Wash for quite a while and I believe he also owned Bruin Car Wash over in Westwood, also. Maybe some others, too - not sure.

My stint ended when the back end of a Camaro I was burnin' got kind of stuck in the fence.

John G - You know I've seen that happen a few times. Not a pleasant sensation when you are the Owner or Manager. Two times in particular stand out, one involving the eventual London Philharmonic flautist. He was the "Drive-On" man on one fine summer morning and came in to work apparently a lilttle worse for wear from the night before. He put the first car, a spiffy little Datsun 280-Z on just fine, and then went to drive the 2nd car on, a rather old, somewhat-worse for wear itself station wagon. He thought it was going to stall on him so he went to give it "a little gas" - and promptly plowed right in the back of the 280-Z. Now the customer who owner the 'Z' happened to be talking to me at the time at the Cashier's Window. I was doing that job because my Cashier that morning was running a little late. We were pleasantly passing the time, he was from out-of-state, yada-yada. I said, "So, how do you like California..." yada-yada. And so forth. And he's watching with pride as his "Z" heads in to have all the road/travel grime washed out so he can head further down the road in a CLEAN, spiffy, 280-Z. We're both standing there with stupid, happy grins aplenty as our young prodigy slammed that old station wagon into his cute little "Z". Knocking aforementioned 'Z forward about 10 feet and lifting it up over the tire guide railings on BOTH sides, so that the car was straddling the guide rails with no tires actually in between them. The guy looked like he was about to have a seizure...I'm blurting "Don't worry, we're Insured!". I went to ask our young genius what happened and as soon as he opened his mouth I'm thinking, "OH, SHIT, OH JESUS!", 'cause he was WASTED" with a capital "W", babbling and promising to pay for the damage. I told him, fine...fine...just get the hell out of here IMMEDIATELY. I figured he end up in jail and we'd get sued for every penny we had for letting him drive cars in that condition if the anybody else heard him talk. Took a TOW-TRUCK a couple hours to get the 'Z out of there. We had to pay the deductible, of course, and our young genius's father came in and re-imburses us for that. Now legally he was not obligated to do so, it really was our problem, not his. No matter what anyone tells you, you can't legally make an employee pay for damage even if he is negligent. But, you generally would fire them. But our genius promised to never-ever-ever do it again, "please don't fire me" (honest). Well, as you well know, it's hard to find good help in that field...SO...stay he did. But he never came in like that again, so I guess at least a lesson was learned...The other time came many years later when I was Managing Crenshaw Car Wash in the mid-80's. An older Mexican man who didn't know how to drive and wasn't SUPPOSED to drive apparently decided one Saturday, "Well, how hard can this really be?" All these other guys do it just fine and they're no smarter than me", or something equivalent to that in Spanish. Anyway, a number of us saw him get in and suddenly start the car, apparently to move it up but it happened to quickly for anyone to stop him. He went straight into the outside wall of the business adjacent ot us. Didn't veer an INCH on the way there. Just straight on into it. Then he just about falls out of the Car, laughing hysterically. And he WASN'T drunk or high or anything. Guess he just decided he could do it...My Line Manager from Guatemala discussed it with him at length, then came back to me holding his head. Yeah...so you were not the first, nor the last by any stretch...

Great stories, Paul! Thanks for sharing.

You're welcome Rod (JG)....