If I were a smart man,
Da da dee da da da, da da da da dee da da da da
From my job I'd make a tidy sum
If I were a frugal man.

My life, it wouldn't be hard,
Da da dee da da da, da da da da dee da da da da
'Cause I'd be a biddy-biddy wise,
Daidle deedle daidle daidle man.

I'd have a nice, big house with rooms for my family
Right in the suburbs for my clan,
An A-line roof with real wooden floors inside.
There would be thick shag carpets going wall to wall
Installed by a skillful flooring man,
And I'd take this construction all in stride.

I'd set my yard with lush, green shrubbery and ponds
And wild birds for every tree,
Squawking just as noisily as they can,
We'd admire the parrots! and sparrows! and bluejays! and finch!
As they fluttered back and forth each day
As if to say, "Here lives a gentle man."
Oy!

If I were a smart man,
Da da dee da da da, da da da da dee da da da da
From my job I'd make a tidy sum
If I were a frugal man.

My life, it wouldn't be hard,
Da da dee da da da, da da da da dee da da da da
'Cause I'd be a biddy-biddy wise,
Daidle deedle daidle daidle man.

I see my wife, my treasure, looking like a Stepford wife,
With her lovely flowing hair,
Cooking all our meals every day and night
I see her putting on aprons, like Beaver's mama
Oy! What a happy mood she's in,
Oy! To me she's such a lovely sight!

The most important men in town will want me to explain--
They will ask me to advise them,
Cause they think I'm pretty wise--
"If you please, Mr. Manly Man?"--
"Pardon me, Mr. Manly Man?"--
Asking questions that had stumped these doltish guys
Ya da dee da, ya da da da, ya da da da da...

And it won't make one bit of difference
If I answer yes or no--
Whatever I respond, it will be right.

If I were a man, I'd have the time that I lack
To love on my family and to pray,
And spend my time getting to know them all well,
And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men
Seven hours every day--
And how it'd warm my heart, it would be swell...
Oy!

If I were a smart man,
Da da dee da da da, da da da da dee da da da da
From my job I'd make a tidy sum
If I were a frugal man.

My life, it wouldn't be hard,
Da da dee da da da, da da da da dee da da da da
Lord who made each person on the land,
You decreed I would be born a man--
Would it spoil Your soverign, holy plan,
If I were a manly man?